Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Maintenance is impossible right now...

When you're working remotely and they forget to dial you in... "free" time to write a blog.

Maintenance is so hard for me. I used to be high maintenance (and I didn't even realize it). Someone put up a "add up your maintenance" post on FB. 3 was low maintenance, 50 was high maintenance. I scored 0. I really want to get my life and my look together, but when it comes to things I need to make time for, getting my brows done means being late to relieve my nanny or not cooking food for my kids or taking time away from work (and I can't lose my job over some damn eyebrows), but mostly I'm just too exhausted to schedule anything that not a necessity. Hence, yesterday's nightmare.

- I had a dream last night that I was on a work trip likely in L.A. in my tank top that I nurse in. It was off my shoulders like a tube top. I also had on black yoga pants and was out at a client (or maybe coworker) dinner. There was a flamboyant, horribly rude, bougie/sedity, waiter who wouldn't serve me or address me properly. So I pulled him to the side and said "what's your deal?" And he's like "it's not you, it's how you look. For God's sake, pull yourself together." So then I snapped on his ass and said I can't be great at home AND be great at work and look good. Something has to give.

- Then I told my coworkers what happened and they acted like they had no idea I looked a MESS. And then I started crying, which I HATE to do in front on coworkers. I can never tell if it humanizes me or if it makes me look weak or if it makes me look unprofessional. Either way, it was a break in my wall and it devastated me.

- So then jerk face waiter comes over, he's all excited. It's Friday. He felt bad about what he said and he's booked me for a salon appointment on Tuesday for me, and it's free and of course, his company wants to get credit for helping an overtired single mom. But then I was like "touching, but I have to go home and feed and care for my babies." And he was so appalled/surprised that I turned it down. And I was hurt because I REALLY wanted to get my hair done, but alas, Mommy duty calls.

- I woke up from that dream so angry. So many real emotions in that fake nightmare.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Baby Decisions

My children will be 11 months tomorrow. WOW! I'm not posting their 11 month photos because that begs the question what am I doing for their 1st birthday and the short answer is nothing (in comparison to what everyone else is doing) and I can't deal with the pressure of the question (much like what are you doing for NYE), nor can I deal with the disappointment from people who really think I have my shit together enough to plan an elaborate 1 year old's party. I don't.

Anywho, the last few months my babies have been growing leaps and bounds. They are so independent-minded. Like, they REALLY know what they want to do and not do and they share that info with me often. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised that I am raising little opinionated babies, but I am surprised. I'm shocked at how many decisions they can make at such a young age. Things they have decided as of late

They both decided: 
- Who they want to hold them and/or be near them. There's nothing funnier than a 10 month old flicking your hand off of their body. My kids are like I'm sorry, do I know you? BACK! UP!
- They will no longer stay still while I change their diapers. They will do everything in their power to lunge OFF of the changing table (Which is really just a dresser with a changing pad on top of it), and as such, they've decided that Mommy should have high blood pressure again watching them trying to leap to their demise.
- They WILL hold the phone when we talk to friends and family on Facetime. So what if it's upside down or only showing their forehead. They don't care. 

Lahna decided: 
- No one can touch her face. This results in scream sessions when we try to get food and/or boogers from her sometimes very dirty face. She's always been like this, but now she has a punch and kicks to back up her likes and dislikes. I get abused often.
- To move to the beat of her own drum. This child watched Joy crawl on all fours for months while just lying there or doing the cutest little roll-scoot. In one day, she began crawling on all fours AND standing without assistance. She's like I've watched Joy fall enough. I will do it differently.
- That she will really let her personality shine OUTSIDE of the house. Whenever Lahna is around other kids, she is very vibrant and playful and sort of acts just like Joy to me. When we're in the house, she is reserved and chillin'. I guess she feels like she doesn't have to put on any shows for Joy.

Joy decided: 
- Last night, she decided she will no longer wear loose pants. She just stepped right out of them and rocked her diaper and sleepshirt. Listen, I don't like wearing pants either, I feel her.
- This morning, she decided that when she's done peeing, she will take her diaper off. I mean, just pulled one side, then the other side
- She decided that she will now turn the light off with her pointer finger (vs. her whole hand) and she will do it the entire time she is on the changing table vs. when it's time for us to leave the room.
- I think I posted this already, but Joy decided that she's no longer going to sleep in her own crib all night. She will fake sleep for 45 minutes to 2 hours, then wake up SCREAMING until Mommy nurses her back to sleep. She will also nurse for um... the entire night because Mommy will inevitable fall asleep and is too tired to pull this active baby off of her boob.


Any little human make any decisions that surprised you? Please share!