Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Maintenance is impossible right now...

When you're working remotely and they forget to dial you in... "free" time to write a blog.

Maintenance is so hard for me. I used to be high maintenance (and I didn't even realize it). Someone put up a "add up your maintenance" post on FB. 3 was low maintenance, 50 was high maintenance. I scored 0. I really want to get my life and my look together, but when it comes to things I need to make time for, getting my brows done means being late to relieve my nanny or not cooking food for my kids or taking time away from work (and I can't lose my job over some damn eyebrows), but mostly I'm just too exhausted to schedule anything that not a necessity. Hence, yesterday's nightmare.

- I had a dream last night that I was on a work trip likely in L.A. in my tank top that I nurse in. It was off my shoulders like a tube top. I also had on black yoga pants and was out at a client (or maybe coworker) dinner. There was a flamboyant, horribly rude, bougie/sedity, waiter who wouldn't serve me or address me properly. So I pulled him to the side and said "what's your deal?" And he's like "it's not you, it's how you look. For God's sake, pull yourself together." So then I snapped on his ass and said I can't be great at home AND be great at work and look good. Something has to give.

- Then I told my coworkers what happened and they acted like they had no idea I looked a MESS. And then I started crying, which I HATE to do in front on coworkers. I can never tell if it humanizes me or if it makes me look weak or if it makes me look unprofessional. Either way, it was a break in my wall and it devastated me.

- So then jerk face waiter comes over, he's all excited. It's Friday. He felt bad about what he said and he's booked me for a salon appointment on Tuesday for me, and it's free and of course, his company wants to get credit for helping an overtired single mom. But then I was like "touching, but I have to go home and feed and care for my babies." And he was so appalled/surprised that I turned it down. And I was hurt because I REALLY wanted to get my hair done, but alas, Mommy duty calls.

- I woke up from that dream so angry. So many real emotions in that fake nightmare.