I never knew who I would be as a parent. You can't predict these things, but there are some serious surprises. A big part of it for me, is being a twin parent, and living in New York City. There are some real challenges with both of those things. Here are some things that surprised me about who I've become as a person, now that I'm also a mom.
- I don't watch football anymore. The Bears are not on local TV. They SUCK! AND, the games are like 3 hours long. If I have three hours free, I'm going to probably sleep or do laundry. And having it on in the background while the twins holler and play with their loud music toys is not my idea of a fun Sunday. I thought I would become a Jets fan since I can see those games on NYC TV, but just gave up on football.
- I'm not interested in night life. Now, to be fair, I wasn't exactly hitting up the club every weekend before I got pregnant, especially not in New York. But, I did used to love a good happy hour and that sometimes turned into late night. I can't afford a night or weekend babysitter and if I did, I wouldn't want to use that time hanging out. I really thought I would have been a hang out type of mom. Nah.
- I'm not interested in drinking. I haven't drank since July of 2015. Drinking is a depressant and my life is hard. Not to mention, the idea of being drowsy and/or having a hangover with twins, make me want to pull my fingernails out.
- I don't travel outside of NYC. I see folks on planes with babies all the time, but I never got on a plane until I was 15. The idea of air travel with two infants gives me heart palpitations. If you want to see my kids in person, you need to come to New York.
- I don't go anywhere "in" NYC. I have friends who bundle their singletons (that's what multiple moms call it when you have one baby at a time)... they bundle their singletons up and go to brunch, shopping, other people's houses, long strolls in the park. There are so many reasons this isn't a good idea for me. My double stroller doesn't fit anywhere in NYC. I HATE taking the train with the double stroller. People act like you are the devil for having the NERVE to take up that much space on a crowded train. If we travel by cab, I can't take the double stroller because their car seats only fit into the Snap & Go and the snap and go does not handle well. I don't have any friends with kids near me. I know one couple in Brooklyn, not going all the way out there for a playdate. I know one girl with a baby my age. I've seen her out and about, traveling with her baby, etc. I'd feel weird having my two to her one in any place we go, so I just stay home.
- I've become low maintenance. I really thought I would have kept up brows, waxing, mani/pedis, hell, shopping to be a cute mom. I don't have any money for any of that stuff. I can barely afford diapers. Actually, honestly, I cannot afford diapers in my current budget with New York rent and a nanny. I put diapers and other essentials on a credit card. It is what it is. So yeah, no money for maintenance and no time. And when it comes to clothes, I have to have shirts where I can get to my boobs 3x a day to pump. So I just wear the same five button down shirts or cardigans in rotation with the same three pairs of jeans I own. (Seriously, where do jeans go? I'm guessing I threw a lot out because they were worn in the thighs or too small.) I'm kicking myself for throwing away too small clothes because nursing twins has me back down to high school weight. I vividly remember a pair of black pencil pants and camo skinny pants that gave me a muffin top when I threw them away, but that would be PERFECT now with my skinny, but loose mom body.
- I'm timid. If someone does something I don't like to my baby (touches their face, kisses them, tickles them), I don't say anything. I just remove my baby from the situation. (Welp, this visit is over). I think I've written about this before, but it's difficult for me to find a voice as a mom. This is probably a big contributing factor to why we don't go anywhere. I have a bit of control (and a list of rules posted) in my own home. Once we venture out, I don't know how to tell someone to stop without being a complete bitch about it, and I don't want to be labeled a bitch. It's something I'm working on because right now these things are just pet peeves, but imagine if my kids were in real danger. I'd like to say *hands on hips* hell naw, not me, but that spirit hasn't come up in real life. I'm just trying to survive.
- I'm bored as hell and I'm boring as hell. When I get pockets of time, I call people and they always freak out like "is everything ok?" because they know I don't have time to just shoot the shit. OR, they don't have free time, so I spend my little pockets of time catching up on reading about being a mom... If I had a night away from my kids, I wouldn't even know what to do. Probably go shopping for them in the store instead of online. I don't know what the new music is, or when it dropped. I don't know where the latest, hottest vacation spots are, I choose not to talk about politics. I can tell you about baby milestones (which I know are boring as hell to anyone who isn't the kids' mother). I can tell you about poop size, texture and color and eczema treatments. I could tell you the vaccination schedule for kids under 1. I'm just lame as hell now and I'm not sure that I care. "They say" if I don't get up and start doing things for myself, I may resent it... But I think twin mom exhaustion supercedes all "put yourself first rhetoric." I'll get out when I feel like getting out, but right now I'm posted. (I also think being in NYC contributes to this. I have a gang of girlfriends with kids 2 and under, but none of them live here, so yeah, this is me, in the house.)