Building off of yesterday, I'm not going home for Christmas. I can't afford it financially and I can't deal with the stress of having two infants on a plane. I'm also concerned about their health comfort. Babies have schedules. My kids don't go to church. They don't go to daycare. They're not around a lot of folks all day. It's me, their dad, the nanny, Paris and anyone who flies in to see them (and if you live in Brooklyn, you may as well have flown in, LOL!)
So I know I am making the right decision to manage my anxiety and stress, but I am sad to be missing my first Christmas at home. Mostly, I'm concerned about the peer pressure. It's only a matter of time before people start asking my holiday plans. And I will have to fake smile and say "oh, we're just keeping it lowkey at home this year." OR...
I will be honest and say I can't handle the stress or financial burden of going home for the holidays, so we're making due with what we have.
Both answers give me hives. I don't want to be fake, but then I don't want people to feel sorry for me.
This is a big part of why I hate small talk. What does it matter what I'm doing for the holidays or how my weekend was (it was pretty boring btw, I went nowhere and did nothing, but at least I didn't have to work.) It's like, can we just talk about work and keep going.
When I was in Pittsburgh though, I did enjoy getting to know my coworkers better. They were SO friendly and things moved so slow. It was inevitable.
Anywho, I'm not coming home. I don't want to talk to everybody about it. I'm very sad about it and I'm going to try to choose to be happy about it, by making my baby's first Christmas special. (But then go back to yesterday's post and you'll know I don't know exactly HOW I'll make their first Christmas special and that too, stresses me out.)
I think it's clear that I need a break (that I'm not getting).
I don't have any days off work thanks to maternity leave. BUT, my mom is coming to visit, so that we can relieve our nanny during the holiday, so I definitely have something to look forward to.