Monday, August 8, 2016

Finding my voice...

I really want to work on finding my voice as a mom. If you know me, you know I can go from 0 to 100, real quick. Real quick. I'm actually lacking the skill that allows me to assess a situation and respond appropriately. Like, I want to be mad about someone or something they did, but not snap on the perpetrator.

This is increasingly important as a mother. There are some things that I don't want people to do to my kids. It's all basically around safety. For some reason, people love to touch kids' hands. I'm sure I used to do it before I had kids and understood that: 

1. They put their hands in their mouths.
2. Their immune systems are not yet advanced enough to fight off most of the germs that are on people's hands if/when those germs get into their mouths.
3. People's hands are in general, fucking gross.

So in my home, I have a list of do's and don'ts for the twins. This allows me to show people the list without saying "Don't touch my child's hands." OR without SNAPPING when someone goes for their hand.

Unfortunately, when we're out and about, I find myself paralyzed if someone reaches for their hand. I immediately wipe it off with a wet rag before they can get it into their mouth, but I wish I had both the courage to say, "no, don't do that" and the appropriate-level response.

For this reason, I don't like taking them places. I would rather be couped up in my 1BR apartment, a safe space for us, than to make visits and have to face people and educate them on what's good for a baby.

AND! AND! Folks without kids or who haven't had newborns in YEARS, LOVE to tell you how much they know about babies. How all of their friends have kids and how their little cousins are young and so they know what to do. Then these same mogs reach for my child in their street clothes without a receiving blanket. Nah fam, you don't have a clue and I want you to not touch my babies.

I'm going to keep working on this with my therapist on this topic, because I think my nonresponse is potentially dangerous. Suggest something truly harming/damaging happened and I couldn't find the words to say to make it stop. And it also doesn't teach my daughters how to appropriately address people. I'm either sugary sweet or mean as shit.

I'd like to find a middle ground.

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