Monday, June 6, 2016

Staring At Babies

Has your mother ever reached across the car to get crust off of your face? Sometimes licking her finger first (which I still think is gross)... After becoming a mom, I get it now.

While I'm nursing my daughters for 10 minutes, 30 minutes, sometimes an hour at a time per sitting, I just stare at them. I know every hair on their head, every pore on their face, every booger in their nose, the growth of every finger nail, the size of every toe, every roll on their not-so-chubby baby thighs, every spit bubble that comes down their cheek. I study everything and if I see something awry, I pick at it until it's normal. 

I obsess over every imperfection to make sure they haven't contracted the plague. Reading Baby 411, the WebMD baby app, sending pics to their doctor and pruning them to death. For the most part, they don't object. They just suckle at my breast while I become inspector mommy.

I know they're going to reach an age when they notice me fixing their clothes or picking lint out of their hair or wiping crust off of their face and they're going to say "Mom, stop!" I know because I've done it with my own mom.

To this day, she wants to play in my hair, or pick dry skin off places of my body where I can't see it (no time to moisturize as a twin mom, LOL!)

And it's SO IRRITATING. To be a growing child and have your mother pouring over you. Or to be a GROWN woman and have your mother pouring over you.

But for 8-10 hours of every day of my babies' first months of life that's all I've done. And right now, it feels like that's all I'll ever do. And I understand that no matter how big they get, they will always be my babies.

I get it now.

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