On the day that I'm writing this, I'm 35 weeks pregnant. One week away from full term for twins (so tired of explaining to people that my actual due date is useless. If I'd known that at the beginning of the pregnancy I would have just told people my due date was April 6.)
Anywho, everyday I go to sleep exhausted, in pain, miserable and I think, well at least this is the worst it could get... and then it gets worse.
I don't know how anyone's body can take this much stress. This much trauma. All of the ugly stuff, the dark skin on my neck and breasts and underarms, the moles that have popped up everywhere, my swollen ankles, my nose being the size of a mack truck... I thought all of that stuff is supposed to signify to people how horrible I feel.
But it doesn't really. I think it just makes people dig deeper for compliments. People say stuff like "you look great to be having twins." Or "You don't look big at all." It's almost like how much uglier do I need to be for someone to acknowledge that this is a grueling, horrible process.
Only one person has told me I'm glowing this pregnancy and she was lying. I'm not glowing, I'm dimmed. I'm tinted a horrible, horrible shade of miserable.
I guess it would be worse if people walked around like "Girl, you look like you're carrying at least two babies." That would suck, too.
Despite multiple trips to the triage this pregnancy (sick of that, too), I am healthy. My babies are healthy. I am grateful for good health and continued prayers and the support of family and friends. I am happy that my children are big enough to be viable outside of the womb, likely without the NICU.
I am suffering, but they are good. I heard this is the beginning of a life of selflessness. And so it begins.
Pardon me, while I go attempt to sleep while not being able to breathe (congestion is a pregnancy side effect), not being able to turn over (groin pain is a pregnancy side effect) and while coaching fetal karate class for two VERY ACTIVE little girls.
Maybe I'll only have to pee 3 or 4 times tonight instead of 6 or 7 like usual.