Monday, December 14, 2015

Are You Excited?

Sometimes I think I'm too pragmatic to be pregnant. People CONSTANTLY ask me if I'm excited. And I'm not angry with them for the question. It's the EXACT question I would ask a person about pregnancy before I got pregnant. When I talk to other pregnant people (who are honest), they are not excited either. It's just not a feeling you can fake. I hope I get excited. I am not excited right now.

Side note: If you know someone who's pregnant, be sure to ask her how she's feeling (and be prepared for an honest answer). She will totally appreciate the concern for her health and well being. I certainly would. 

If a friend asks, I tell the truth. No, I'm not excited, I'm concerned.

If it's a coworker or an associate (or a family member), I just lie. It's so much easier to do so.

Here are the top 10 responses I WANT to give but, don't, when folks ask me if I'm excited about being pregnant.

10. Yep, the hemmorhoids, especially, are a highlight of my days and night.

9. Yeah, two heads are going to come out of something, that I've tried for 32 years to keep tight. Apparently, it will tear so badly that they'll have to stitch it back up. And if for some reason that can't happen, they'll slice my belly open to the white meat and pick out weird-face children and I'll be in pain recovering for me. I absolutely cannot wait.

8. Yep, I haven't been up past 8:30 p.m. in four months. Seeing as how my favorite things to do include networking, drinking, partying and hanging with friends, nothing makes me happier than being unable to do so now.

7. I am. I'm most looking forward to tuition costs for two children at a time. I really think my budget can handle it.

6. Yep, more than anything, I'm looking forward to unsolicited questions and advice from strangers. You know me, I LOVE small talk. 

5.  Hell yeah. Waddling around like a penguin with two humans sitting on my bladder is AWESOME!

4.  Yes, I moved to the biggest, fastest, most expensive city in America to slow down. It was exactly what I had in mind.

3. Yes, I cannot wait to go from being upper middle class to poor. It's really what I've worked all these 60-hour weeks for leading up to now, it's great. 

2. Yep, I really enjoy begging New Yorkers to let me sit down on the train. Since I'm naturally slim I have to prove that my belly isn't just a pastrami sandwich every day and it really makes my commute awesome.

1. I am. I think we've done all that we need to do as a society to equalize things and my children will definitely NOT be gunned down by police or hung in their jail cells because of the color of their skin. It's a phenomenal feeling.


Kanae J said...

Well there you have it

Karyn Brianne said...

I actually didn't like people asking me if I was excited because I just wanted to cry for the first six months. So, if I felt like I couldn't keep it real in my responses!