Friday, June 28, 2013

It's All Connected

This weekend I went to an event called PlayDate Pittsburgh. It was an adult game night with oversized Jenga, Connect 4, Checkers, Operation, Clue... pretty much any game you could want to play. It's a fabulous alternative to the club scene. I went with a friend of a friend who was super nice and introduced me to pretty much everyone she knew from Pittsburgh.

The event was at a museum downtown, literally steps away from my home. I don't even have to walk a full block to get there. We'd gone to see Mo'Nique at the Improv earlier that day, so I packed it up at the Improv at about 1:30 a.m. and walked home.

As I was walking home, I noticed five drunk white guys... I live in Pittsburgh, this is a site I see all the time. Then I hear something faint. I actually heard EXACTLY what he said, but it was easier to ignore it than acknowledge it.

Then he said it again.  

How much?

As a single woman who lives alone in a city with no family, I thought it was in my best interest to act like it didn't happen and go home. And I did. And I didn't think about it again the next morning. And it didn't ruin my evening. And it didn't taint my opinion of all white males everywhere.

Every day, African Americans and women deal with the deep seated hatred that people have for us because of our race or our gender or both. And every day we ignore it and get on with our lives because if we added it all up and tried to seek justice for the injustices we wouldn't have time to do anything else.

So when I learn that Paula Deen has allowed (and maybe even perpetuated) this deep seated hatred against my race AND my gender happen in her place of business, there is no way I can forgive her. I can't do anything to the jerk who treated me like a prostitute for simply walking home, but it's all related. I can actually affect Paula Deen's pockets. I'll never visit her website again. I unfollowed her Pinterest boards. And if I so much as find out a dish has been cooked in a Paula Deen pot, I'm not eating it. 

And speaking of simply walking home, if I was younger and a male, I might not be living to tell that story. Apparently my very presence as a black person is problematic and while I'm not going to pick up this torch and carry it, I am certainly not going to spend my hard-earned AMERICAN dollars supporting someone who hates me.

If Paula Deen melted her crocodile teals into a buttery sea of type 2 diabetes and floated off into the southern sunset it would make me no never mind.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

I Need Caking Advice

It's funny because it's true. Y'all know I'm team #LowkeyCaking, but not really. So my top love languages [paraphrased] are:

1. Spending Time and
2. Touch

I'm currently [read: when I wrote this] dating a guy whose love language is obviously words of affirmation - not at all my speed.

How I feel: If I'm spending time hugged up with you (both of my love languages), you should KNOW that I enjoy spending time with you.

How he feels: I want to hear you say that you enjoy spending time with me.

First, I feel like if I tell him I enjoy spending time with him that I'm the ultimate cake. It's so unnatural to me. It's damn near embarrassing. Second, I feel like if/when I open up and start telling him how I feel (vs. showing him) I might run him away for being so honest. So as a self aware adult, I know that I put up walls when dating to protect myself from heartbreak, but I also know that those walls [unnecessarily] keep other people away.

It's like if I really like you, I will express it by spending more time with you than people who I don't really like, but I'm not going to say "hey, I really like you" because it makes me uncomfortable AND because when you leave [they always leave], then I can feel better about the fact that at least you didn't know I REALLY liked you.

Don't laugh at me. This seems so simple, but like everything in life, this connects to my childhood and family relationships. [Big T is not about that caking life either] My family isn't the one that says "I love you" every time we see each other or get off the phone. We just sit on the couch and watch movies together for hours on end, which means "Hey, I spent 7 hours with you that I could have been spending with someone else and that means I love you very much."

So here are my questions, 'cause I know it's a lot of open cakers reading my blog. (It's funny because it's true).

1. If words of affirmation is your love language, what do you want to hear from your partner and why? If words of affirmation is NOT your love language, but it IS your partner's how do you flex your style to accommodate his/hers?

2. How many words of affirmation are too many words? Like does he need to know I had a good time EVERY time we go out? Am I supposed to say it before we leave each other? Send it in a text? Couldn't texting him 24, 48, 72 hours later saying how I feel about him make him think I'm loco and/or needy?

I figure if I say yes to a 2nd date that should indicate that I had a good time the first time around, but I know everyone doesn't think like me.

Help me y'all!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I'm up. I'm down.

More like my wallet is up and down. There are some things that are cheaper in a smaller city that make it very worth it. There are other things that I used to think of as modern conveniences that are ridiculously priced for no good got damn reason.

You see, when everyone in a city does their own maintenance and people don't travel much, companies have to tax

Cheaper in Pittsburgh:
  • Rent/Mortgage (probably taxes too, but I don't own, so I do not know)
  • Gas
  • Car notes
  • Car insurance
  • Groceries
  • The salon - $35-$55 for a natural hair wash/blow dry. Oh ok! (I don't go to the salon here, but if I was forced, I'd save some money)
  • Dranks - Liquor at the store, drinks at the bar, bottle service. You can get wasted for the low, low here
  • Valet Parking - I haven't seen it over $6
  • Downtown Parking - I haven't seen it over $13 a day, no matter what time you go in or out and street meters are like a quarter per hour.  
More expensive in Pittsburgh:
  • Mani/Pedis - I seriously paid $43 for a basic mani/pedi. What the what?
  • Waxing (of any kind)
  • Eyebrow Threading - $25? For what? Are you threading my eyebrows with diamond crusted silk? Also, there are no talented, reasonably priced brow artists here. I would rather look like a wilderbeast until I can get to Lakeview Salon than to keep trying out these wack salons.
  • Domestic Flights - there are no direct flights to anywhere except Chicago, NYC and D.C. from here and I HATE it. Sometimes I need to go to other places besides Chicago, NYC and D.C. 
  • International flights - I have currently been online for 90 minutes trying to get a ticket to Jamaica under $500. It's a weekend getaway. Why would I pay $621 to fly? That's hustling backwards. I have considered airlines I said I'd never fly again. I have considered spirit. I have considered a 23 hour layover. It's just ridiculous that I even have to go through this.
  • Dry cleaning - There are no one-price cleaners here. When I go home I seriously consider taking a luggage full of dirty clothes to take to the one-hour cleaners in Chicago. If I ever go home for more than a weekend, this is a strong consideration. $90 for 9 pieces vs. $20 for dry cleaning is a big difference. I could get a one-way flight from Chicago to ATL with that extra $70, meanwhile in Pittsburgh, I just have creased pants.
If I'm not careful I could be spending the same amount of money I was in Chicago in Pittsburgh. Since the cost of living is somewhere between 15-30% cheaper (depending on who's doing the reporting) that doesn't make cents.

I'm not complaining. I'm simply making a note to myself (and anyone else considering a medium sized city who has never ventured here before) to watch the bottom line. It's not how much I spend, but how much I keep that determines my wealth.

Now back to this search. Let me see what priceline is talmbout.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Stop Singing that Dumb Song

Side note: If you haven't noticed by now, I'm either hot or cold. I either love stuff or I hate it. I can't with warm or lukewarm.

So DJ Khaled puts out a song called No New Friends and Drake is on the hook and mogs are using the hell out of it. If people quoted the Bible the way they quote Drake lyrics... I digress.

So folks are singing it, putting it on hashtags, Tweetgrams... It's probably on button and shirts.

Do you realize that if you were truly #TeamNoNewFriends you wouldn't talk to anyone except your parents. Man, I love new friends. How do you think I have friends from church, high school, college, post-college and now new friends in Pittsburgh? I just went to a wedding of someone I met 6 months ago and stayed with a friend I met at work because I love new friends.

I would be lonely without new friends. You can't take all these old people with you all the time if they don't fit. Look at MC Hammer. Trying to take err'body with him.

I want to make a song called no wack friends or no fake friends, but new friends... *Pops from Friday voice* Gimme all the new friends you can gimme!!!!

If you didn't get the Friday reference, go sit in time out.

Monday, June 10, 2013

You Can Touch My Hair...

If you're 6'2 or taller and planning our future together.* Otherwise, I am not a science exhibit. Hands off the tresses.

Some artsy black women disagree.

What say you?

*I really will date a man shorter than 6'2, but the statement would not have been as funny if I said 5'9 or taller. Let me live.

Coming up soon: Notes on a classy southern wedding and a post inspired my @daaeck's Settle 4 The Win.

Happy Monday y'all!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Target Market

This came on during the NBA game last night (Game 7 Heat vs. Pacers). The media buyers for this show did an excellent job because when it went off I immediately looked up Omega watches on my iPhone. Then I prayed to God to send me a man who I can buy a $4,000 watch for. I'm not really into watches like that, but someone needs to benefit.



Did you ever have an ad speak to you such that a product you had never considered before is now on your must-have list?

Monday, June 3, 2013

West Virginia Makes 34 down, 16 to go.

I work for my state's lottery, so I can't purchase tickets here. I drove to West Virginia to put my bid in for that $600 Powerball jackpot. I am not ashamed. Folks are trying to be stay at home mothers and stay at home wives. I'm just trying to stay at home. You feel me.

I was going to do a whole day in West Virginia. Go to a WVU game, etc. But after seeing what I saw (drove up and the welcome sign said "West Virginia. Wild and Wonderful." I decided that I need to keep it urban. I spent 30 minutes in that state and that's enough.

*taps fingers together* What state shall I venture to next?

Alaska
Arkansas
Delaware
Idaho
Kansas
Maine
Mississippi
Montana
New Hampshire
New Mexico
North Dakota
Rhode Island
South Dakota
Vermont
Washington (state)
Wyoming

Question of the day? If you've been to or live in any of the states left, can you send me an itinerary or what to do there? Thanks in advance!