I was at a house party in Pittsburgh when the verdict came across. For the first time in a long e , I didn't get the news from Twitter. Someone else got the "Not Guilty" verdict on social media and people started to murmur about it. I wanted to cry. I didn't cry.
The person I came to the party with was shooken up to. We went home.
My mind tried to process what happened, how it happened. I avoided mainstream news media. I worked out in the morning. I went to church. I wore a hoodie. As my Pastor prayed I bent over and I cried and the tears just rolled onto my feet and I just left them there.
I went to work. When people asked me how my weekend went I tried to come up with ways to say it was fine, when it wasn't find. I tried to not be upset that people could talk about the death of Cory Monteith aloud, but I couldn't say how upset I was about Trayvon Martin. I just said "the news of the day is upsetting." That's literally what I said.
I went to yoga Monday to try to loosen up. It worked, but I still couldn't sleep.
I argued all day with a lawyer friend of mine about the verdict. He said it was a self-defense defense and most states have self-defense laws. I argued (yes, I argue with lawyers) that the fact that "stand your ground" was in the jury directions makes stand your ground relevant. He disagreed. We agreed to disagree.
I read a lot. I read A LOT. I really tried to understand what to do. Someone posted about how black people are neither a helpless, nor a hopeless people. This made me feel so much better because I know that I can in fact do something and I will.
The Bible tells us to be angry, but not sin. I'm furious, but I have to fuel that into some action. I'm probably going to be talking about this all week because I need an outlet.