Monday, May 21, 2012

Cover Your Bum...

Disclaimer: Posts like this make me lose my male readers. Brad was mad that I was talking about budgets and bikini #KanyeShrug... Ah well.

Now that I can no longer wear jeans to work, the sheath and the pencil skirt have been resurrected out of my closet and this is causing some true undergarments struggles for me. I don't want my panty lines showing, BUT I must wear drawls. [Side note: If you know a woman who doesn't wear drawls, she either has wet pants or a dry vagina. Both are #realissues. #NoThankYou]

I digress. Let's talk practically: problems and solutions

- I tried thongs, g-strings, v-strings... [they are uncomfortable for more than four hours at a time AND] you can still see them under my clothes. How is that winning?

- I tried Victoria's Secret no-show panties... THEY SHOW. They also flatten my butt more than they should for a girl who's already starting with a small booty. It's just WRONG.

- I tried boy shorts. You can see the seams on the bottom of those joints. It makes it look like I have a long white tee tucked into my crotch.

I damn near need to wear biking shorts under my skirts and dresses to prevent panty lines from showing and biking shorts are bulky. Where can one even find a biking short in 2012. I'll wait.

Who started this "I-don't want to see your drawls" phenomenon? Probably a man. What's wrong with panty lines and why am I subject to trying on a million pair of unmentionables in order make sure people have no evidence of the fact that I have them on. I can't mention 'em. You don't want to see them, but they must be there.

Am I going to be relagated to wearing hammer pants for the rest of my life? There HAS to be a solution. Ladies, who has some good suggestions for brands of seamless underwear that you actually cannot see? Maidenform? La Perla? Good ol' Hanes Her Way? Someone help me out.

3 comments:

South Loop Social Light said...

I'm reading this post as I sit at work with jeans on right now. Makes me happy I can still wear jeans at work lol. I would try some seamless thongs from Target. They're super basic, but actually work well for me. Nothing to lose in giving them a try.

One3snapshot! said...

Try seamless panties from Walmart...they work!

ThummyB said...

I use seamless thongs (you can get them at Vicki's Secret or from Macy's lingerie section), and they don't show. You have to find the ones that are as thin as possible and have no seams on the edges.

Also, I have a couple of seamless girdles...not that this is what my life is about on a regular basis. However, w/a unlined, fitted dress, then they come through. One is made out of the same material as stockings, it just tapers off at the thigh rather than going all the way to my foot.

Oan...you gave me LIFE talmbout wet pants and dry vaginas.