I'm so scared of old habits. They petrify me. When I wrote this post I had just gotten paid and I wouldn't buy stuff if it wasn't on sale. I made myself wait days before making "want" purchases, even thought they were in my budget. I damn near felt guilty for spending money and not paying a some debt and/or putting it my EF.
As I get ready to move, I started thinking, I can't get a nice apartment, with cherrywood floor, stainless steel appliances and in-unit washer and dryer and keep my same TV. I have to upgrade my electronics... Then I'm like if I get a new TV then I'm going to need to get better cable: HD, Tivo, DVR all the premium channels and then I have to beef up my DVD collection. AH!!!
Do you see where I'm going with this? I either go hard or go home. I either run my credit cards up or don't use them at all. I either am going to watch no shows or watch ALL of the shows.
In order to be a big girl... or better yet money savvy women... I HAVE to move my simple mind away from the dichotomy of good and evil. I MUST find balance. I can't be afraid of spending my own money. *It's mine. I save it... wait. what?*
I think I'm doing fine, but I think self-awareness [that it's a mental struggle] is a gift from God. If you see me at the grocery store staring at cans this is what's going on in my head (Tomato paste is tomato paste. But you CAN afford name brand. But does that really make sense to buy name brand if it's the same quality. But it's not really the same quality, that's why it's a name brand. But I could build my emergency fund up better if I get the cheap stuff. But my food could taste better. But it's TEN DAMN CENTS... but that's ten cents I could be investing into my uncertain future).
Yeah, it takes me forever to buy tomato paste.