Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Hoe Stroll: aka Pappadeaux

You see the title, so I'll get right to it. We're at Pappadeaux, my sister's birthday dinner is coming to a close, we're waiting for the cake to come out. There are 15 black women there. I'm the youngest one and we range in age from my age to 55. It's all women, but clearly a wholesome, family affair.

A woman comes to our section looking for Kim. We say, there's no Kim here. She turns around like she's going to leave our section, but then comes right back. Here's what she said to us:

"There are men over there and they have money." Except she didn't say "money", she rubbed her fingers together to indicate that they're loaded. "Now, I need two other girls to go with me. I'm not going to do anything I don't want to do."

She had a bad weave that was somewhere between Rihanna red and my little pony pink. If I decided to let my morals go and hire a madam, please believe she wouldn't look like that.

I digress.

So the shock of what's going on has left almost everyone paralyzed. I turn and say, we're all married, hoping this would get her to go away. It did not.

She moved very slowly like she was trying to re-think her pitch (clearly she was on something stronger than weed or vodka) and then she zeroed in on one of my sister's friends. To be clear, this is one of my sister's older sister-in-law's friends. This lady is GROWN. She's been married for 21 years and has grown children. She's probably a grandmother. I can't remember her name, we'll call her Jackie. So the madam steps to Jackie and starts rollin' her neck and says "un uh, don't look at me like that just because I'm single."

Friends, let me tell you I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was thinking there are 15 of us and 1 of you and YOU approached US with a hostile attitude. This could go HORRIBLY, TERRIBLY... TRAGICALLY wrong. So I try to tell Jackie not to engage, but Jackie, mild-mannered as she is was not hearing anything I'm talking about with this bootlegged madam going off on her.

So our waiter, tall white guy named Patrick comes over and I'm like "Patrick, she is not with us, please ask her to leave RIGHT AWAY."

Patrick takes one look at the madam, turns on his heel and says "I'll get the manager". He was gone so fast, VERYFAST. I'm thinking: Patrick NO!!! A serious ass-whoopin' is about to commence. You need to remove this woman before she gets herself hurt. Patrick's manager must've been busy because Patrick came back and with a very firm voice said "Ma'am! Ma'am? My manager needs to see you RIGHT NOW." So she takes her high/drunk/delusional self out of our section and we clap it up for Patrick and say a prayer of thanks. I did NOT want the night to end on a sour note.

Best part: As the madam's leaving Patrick looks at her and says "enjoy your meal". iDied.

As the situation ends and the night closes (and the madam is still posted up at the bar), it occurs to me that maybe Pappadeaux in Westmont, IL may be a front for a brothel. It's could be the place to get your suburban swerve on. I do NOT approve.


Unknown said...

Now I want some crawfish etouffee for lunch. Crazy story! I'm always at that Pappadeaux and nothing like that has happened. If I had to stereotype the usuals, I'd say it's an "after church" crowd.


QUE.PK.iDD said...

I've only been there on Friday nights, and I've definitely seen the subtle, yet definite change in the crowd. Nothing to this measure, but when I was last there, my Dad leaned over and said, "How long you think before this place gets turned out?" It's happening.