Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Key Messages

So in this post I let you all know that I have a key message for the question "Why is someone smart and pretty like you single." I kept my cards pretty close to my chest in that post, but almost everyone asked me what the key message was.

Well first, here's a quick lesson in PR. A key message should be

1. True
2. Representative of the brand
3. Clear and succinct
4. Memorable

My key message for the question above is "I just haven't found the right person yet." This is true, doesn't denigrate my brand personality, short and sweet and not only do I remember to say it, but the person asking the question should be able to quickly recall it.

This weekend I saw an aunt I haven't seen in about 4 years. Side note: You know you're grown when your aunties start talking to you like you're a girlfriend instead of like you're a 13 year old who just broght home an honor roll report card. I digress.

Auntie said "So, are you thinking about settling down and having babies?" It didn't upset me at all, which leads me to believe I'm in a much better mental space than I was when I wrote this post about the same topic. I said something to the tune of "hell no." (Side note: auntie also said I have about 3 years to figure it out. Wow, really am I going to die in 3 years if I'm not carrying life in my womb...) The point is I need a better key message for this dreadful question.

What I want to say is: Um... let's start with the phrase "settling down." I am not open to it and I don't like it. I actually think I'm pretty "settled" right now you know, with my bills paid on time and all. And if you think me having a baby and / or getting married is going to change my extroverted personality, my desire to travel, my boss-lady attitude at work or my party girl spirit, then you really don't know me very well at all.

But back to the baby piece, first I need to find a husband and what I mean by that is that according to the bible, first said husband needs to find me. Then imagine we'd have at least a 2 year courtship, then if he wants to get married, he'll propose and I'd like to have a year long (or longer) engagement. Then I'd like to spend 1-2 years, just me and him, then after we get our finances together, I'd like to have one child and if that doesn't kill me then yeah, I'd consider one, maybe two more. So yes, I've thought about having babies, thanks for asking.

And yes, I'm "looking," for someone to share my phenomenal life with (I believe you call it settling down), but every time I ask people if they have a friend for me, they shake their head like I'm playing some sort of game. I'm serious as a heart attack auntie. This is not a game. I actually tried Match.com and if it weren't for the lames and liars I met on there, maybe I'd be well on this path to baby making that you speak about. But PUH LEEZE don't bother telling people that I'm "looking" because I don't want them to assume I'm lonely, bitter or desperate, you know the conclusion people always draw when you tell them you're a happy, single Black woman who's open to having a man, but not killing herself to find one.

Finally, I think it's also important to note that I am happily single right now and loving and enjoying my life as is. I appreciate the single time because, God willing, after marriage, I'll never have it again. I'm also doing some work on myself in hopes of being the type of wife that God would call me to be, so it's quite possible that while the idea of marriage and babies may seem right TO you FOR someone my age RIGHT NOW, it's also possible that God is not finished prepping me for that major responsibility.

So that leads me to the question of the day: Can y'all help me out with a short, pithy, non-attitudinal answer to my auntie's question instead of the 4 paragraphs it took above. I think when I said "hell no" she probably thought I was a ball-busting lesbian. I'm not. LOL!


antithesis said...

just say, "Lord willing". it's not really up to you. the timing will be when He's ready AND what can anyone say back to that? Just tell them when the Lord is ready for you to do it, it will be so. At the end of the day, it's nobody's business but His anyway.

Since the question was are you thinking about it, the truth is you are and you can simply say "yes" because you are in fact thinking about it. Then you can flip it on them and ask if they had someone in mind. Why do you have to justify your life?

Kay* said...

hahaha, girl i totally hear you.
my mom has been on some grandkid stuff lately and i'm all "seriously, you need to chill with that. i don't even have a boyfriend." lmao. i told her she has howard and that's as close as she's getting for at least the next 5 years minimum (though, you never know what will happen - you could meet someone and fall in love like *snap* that)

whenever my mom asks - or her friend should casually mention it when they're together, or my friends (not my close close friends but friends) should ask (cause they all seem to have kids) i say the same thing:

"I don't see that happening for at least 5 years. Seriously, there's some things i still want to do - like travel. Plus, i need to get a boyfriend...who'll hopefully become husband...first...if you know any good guys...."

and if it's someone who's not that close to me i simply say: "I'm not ready yet. Maybe in 5 years."

ThummyB said...

Question: "So, are you thinking about settling down and having babies?"

Answer for religious folks: "I am, and I'm sure that everything will fall into place according to God's plan."

Answer for non-religious folks: "I'm dating, and I'm sure that when I find the right person, then we'll head down that path."

Anonymous said...

Listen, take it from the married with babies, all settled down chick over here. KEEP YOUR HIPS, THIGHS AND BREASTS IN TACT. Take it slooooooooow! Tell your auntie to call me and I can send her pics of my kids and she can pretend that they belong in her family. I mean, we are all west side anyway, right? lol