Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Talks with an Old Head

LOL! Yes, I did just call my mama also known as big T, an Old Head. You, however, are not allowed to do any such thing. In real life it's Mrs. her surname. On the blog you can call her T's mom or some other respectable name, but I'm tickling myself pink over here.

I digress.

I had a talk with my mom on Mother's Day over a delightful dinner at Cafe Bionda (thanks to thummyb for the reco) about the overwhelmingly alarming & mainstream rhetoric on the Single Black Female. I wondered what she thought about Nightline, Steve Harvey, Essence and Finesse Williams and random 24 year old single black men on Facebook and Twitter being so enthralled in my singleness.

Two things to note:

1) She hadn't noticed it (which FURTHER lets me know it doesn't matter)
2) After I told her about it (of course from my "this is a bunch of bullshit" biased point of view), she thought it was ludicrous.

Mom went on to say:

A) T, you have options - She reminded me that I have more options than my grandma did, than she did and if she had it to do all over again she'd make some decisions differently. While she loves being married, marriage ain't for everyone. AND running into marriage is what most people do because they haven't considered all their other options and this is why most people are divorced.

B) You know what marriage is and what it ain't - She said folks are in love with the idea of marriage and most don't have a blueprint for a healthy marriage. They just think they know what it should be like and so they try to mimic that... and fail.

C) Your standards are both warranted and reasonable - She suggested I continue to have "high standards" and know a dealbreaker from something I could live with. i.e. I hate when he chews his food with his mouth open, but I can live with it. LOL!

D) Your lifestyle is AWESOME!!! - She also suggested that I continue to LIVE my life as opposed to stopping it in the hopes that "settling down" will get me a husband. "Work hard, go on trips, party with your girls and trust, none of that has to stop when you get married."

Tea & Such readers, if you're single and your mom is anything less than supportive of your choices, you can borrow Big T. She pretty much affirmed everything I already knew, but she actually has the wisdom and experience to back up what she's talking about. (Unlike the Facebook philosophers under 30 and newlyweds - at any age - who know little to NOTHING about marriage, but try to school you on how to have a successful one.)

Word to mother, literally.


PyT said...

I love this!

denisesofatal said...

Ms. T knows what she's talking about! Seriously! I want to settle down, not settle. And when I say settle down I'm talking about a relationship, not putting my life on pause. But, being single is also the business! I love it too!