As a follow up to Tuesday's post I realized that I have more to say (rather than recapping what Big T had to say). I guess I haven't really touched this topic on the blog... really at all. So, let me go in right quick.
To the news and randoms and even sometimes friends and family being enthralled in my and other successful black women's singleness, I say
1. Perception is reality, which is why I want you to shut up about this topic. No one knew that their arms were cold until Snuggies came out, then all of a sudden, they need to go buy a backwards robe. To that same end, this heightened awareness of singleness will cause men to act a plum fool because now Nightline is telling them they have more options and because men are just ept to act a plum fool. I don't need that.
2. When you lack support, experience and wisdom, you do stupid things. This is why I think a lot of women settle for being second or third OR are scared to say what they want with a man [marriage, kids, to move in together, more sex, less sex, etc]. To piggyback off #1, they get their info from people with skewed perceptions, then they don't have anyone in their corner telling them otherwise and they adjust their behaviors to obtain a desired result, usually to their detriment. (For example, never in the history of relationships has being the other woman worked out well in the end. Why would you do that if your desire is to be a wife?)
3. I'm going to say this one time, so listen well. The single most prevalent reason a lot of black women are single SIMPLE: there are not enough men. I'm not talking GOOD men, I'm talking men period. It's supply and demand out here. Did NO ONE learn ANYTHING in ecomomics? GEESH!
Let me elaborate. I'm sick of people trying to make it out like married people are perfect and they found each other because of their perfectness. No, no, no. They are fortunate (if they want to be married, they're fortunate, if not, they're poor, unfortuntae souls). That's all. Two people who are compatible enough to think they want to spend the rest of their lives together are two fortunate people. Can we just keep it at that? Can we stop doing microdocumentaries on a concept that is SO inherently simple.
4. To be married is not to be happy and to be single is not to be sad and/or lonely. Whatever your problems are you're going to bring them into the marriage with you. You're going to bring stuff you didn't even know was a problem and your spouse is going to hunt it out like a German Sheppherd.
*Old Spice dude on a horse voice*
Now think about your "issues." (You're an adult, you must know by now that you have some issues.) Think about your WORST issue. Think about how effed up another person has to be to want to spend the rest of their lives with you and just that ONE issue. Now think about how many issues this person MUST have. Now think about how y'all are going to join those issues together in holy matrimony?
The problems are going to escalate. They are going to drive your light bill sky high. Does that sound like happiness to you?
Not advocating for not getting married. I'm just illustrating that it's not a pill you take to heal all your wounds. It's quite the opposite.
5. Marriage is a JOB. It's 24/7 baby. All day, err'day. Work. Work. Work. Much like the Presidency, you spend years campaigning for it, then you get the job and surprise, surprise, it's hard work. The hardest work you've ever done, the hardest work you'll ever do... if you want to stay married that is.
6. Enjoy your singlehood. I can't say this enough. God gave it to you for a reason. Live it up! Quit fantasizing about the future. I'm sick of hearing about how unhappy you are. OR I'm sick of hearing about other people trying to convince me that I'm unhappy because I'm single. You're crazy if you think that. Seriously, you should be admitted.
I don't care if you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s or 50s. Enjoy right now whatever your marital status is. Enjoy today. Enjoy this very moment. How much time have you wasted fantasizing about what's coming? Worrying about it as if you could control the future. Did you miss what you have right now gazing lovingly into some future that may or may not exist the way you envision it?
We can't take time back, so I'm begging you to embrace and LOVE this single time. You'll never get it back.
And I think that's all I have to say about this single woman stuff. I dare you to get wreckless with me in the comments. The gloves are off. If you feeling froggy, jump. LOL!