Friday, April 30, 2010


It's Friday!

It's Payday!

It's Gonna Be 80 degrees in the Chi today!

I'm in a phenomenal mood!!!

That is all!

P.S. To my Dolphins today is the last day to register for the class reunion. A $50 deposit is due. #BeOnThat

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Unapproved Caking

You know what's up? When I call to say I miss you. And he's sleep and he doesn't get the call, but he calls back later to say, hey, I see I missed your call, I miss you.

Woo Chile, yeah, that's hot.

I'm trying something new with an old boo. We'll see if the same problems persist or if I've grown and it's great or if he's grown and it's great.

So far, so good, but I promise to tell you if the bottom falls out.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It's My Birthday

WOO HOO!!! It's kind of a big deal.

I'm currently in LA, but please believe I am on the first thing smoking back to the Chi, so I can celebrate properly. Properly equals a happy hour on a week night and still going to work on Thursday.

Oh, you see it. Debauchery on DECK!!!

In other news, I'm grateful to God to be another year better. All things considered, God is really knocking it outta the park with the ball that is my life.


Hope to see you all tonight for the festivities!!! (If you don't know where the festivities are and would like to , please hit me on a Twitter DM, Facebook msg, gchat, text, call or e-mail. Cool? Cool.)

Monday, April 26, 2010

Where Do You Get It?

Ok, I'm trying to practice being gentle with myself. It's not natural for me. The concept is foreign and if I didn't know better I'd call it stupid.

I'm hard on other people, but I'm downright vicious with myself. Like if you heard how I talked to myself when I don't meet a goal or do something out of character in front of someone I don't know or even when I feel like I've misrepresented myself here or on Facebook or Twitter you'd definitely lay holy hands on me.

I'm tired of it though. And you would think that when you know better that you do better, but it's been this many years talking viciously to myself, so forgive me if it takes more than one blog post to change that.

So I wanted to pose it to you all. Where do you find you find a model for a compassionate voice? Is it your mom? Grandma? Mother Theresa? Are you mean as hell to yourself too? I'm just curious...

Trying to learn and grow as a person and all that jazz.

P.S. I'm in LA for a couple of days... work.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Numbers 20:8

Ok, I'm doing read through the bible in a year with my church and in this post I noted that I didn't understand why Moses didn't make it into the promised land. Because in church the teachers said God told him to talk to the rock and he hit it.

Well in Numbers 20:8 it does say God told him to talk to the rock. Then he went on to hit it, so that could be it. When I read about him hitting in in Exodus, they were being delivered out of Egypt. When he hit it in numbers they were out of Egypt, but making their way to the promised land.

I will say this. When I think of Moses, I always just think, he was cool, but he didn't make it to the promised land. I'm going to try to erase that line of thinking out of my head. The bible says he was 120 when he died and that his eyes were not dim (or something like that, which means he didn't have dimension or cataracts or other old people diseases).

So this is basically someone who led his people in love, people who talked badly about him, people who hated on him because God chose him. He did the best he could do with what he was working with and it wasn't meant for him to see the promised land. He was the vessel that God used to get the people to the promised land and being a vessel is ok.

This is teaching me that it's not always about me or about my outcome, but more about how my life can improve other people's lives just by doing what God asked me to do.

I'm loving this bible reading as an adult.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

To Move or Not to Move

Ok, so I've been at my spot for three years. I haven't had a chance to think about what I want to do long term given the amount of mental space short term projects are taking up in my head. But by June 1 I need to make a decision.

- I love my neighborhood
- It costs nothing to move
- I save a BOATLOAD of cash living in this studio. I seriously have friends who pay about $1K more per month on their rent or mortgage

- This studio is small. It's like a cracker jack box so subsequently
a) I can't entertain
b) I can't cook like I want to
c) I don't really like men who I'm not super close to coming up here, so I feel like it's putting a strain on my dating life
- It costs money to move that I haven't budgeted for
- I'm going to have to decorate the new spot, which means more unbudgted money

I guess I need to pick between a comfortable place or mass savings. I COULD potentially find a place that's slightly more comfortable for slightly more money (instead of having all or nothing).

Then I just have to decide if I want to make the time commitment it would take to look for something I want.

What should I do folks?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Rae Lewis Thornton

I remember the cover of Essence that Rae Lewis Thornton was on. I'll admit that up until about a year ago, I didn't know that she was doing AIDS activism. I thought she was just someone who told her story to a magazine. And while a touching story, I didn't realize that telling her story is her life's work.

Her Essence cover was iconic because before that time people thought that AIDS was gay man's disease, a white gay man's disease and if nothing else I'm sure people thought it only happened to poverty-stricken and lower echelons of society. Rae showed us that that wasn't true and so we perked up and listened. Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I definitely took heed to the lessons and decided that condoms were a must. (Pretty sure I wasn't having sex when this article came out, but I'd made that decision as a shorty that when I DID start having sex that's what I'd be on).

I recently saw Rae Lewis Thornton get honored by the Red Pump Project and she very candidly said "Don't just say you love me and support me. Go to my blog daily, become a Facebook fan." She went on to say that AIDS isn't sexy to the media anymore and as a Black woman with AIDS she's really not getting a lot of high-paying speaking engagements. I can't hardly pay for emergencies on my salary, so I can only imagine what AIDS medication cost.

So, I'm imploring my readers to stop what you're doing right now and click on, add her to your blogroll, add her on Facebook, buy one of her bracelets and support her life's work. Because of women like her, I have the information to protect myself from a disease that has killed so many. I do love & appreciate her and I'm putting my money where my mouth is.

Please support!!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Bishop Noel Joes @ AFC

Theme: The Power of Sacrifice

Bishop Noel Jones spoke at my Pastor's 30th anniversary. I was so inspired by the sermon that I wanted to share it with you.

Do Something With It

He spoke about how their are benefactors and beneficiaries. Benefactors make sacrifices so that the beneficiaries can thrive. For example if your parents are paying for you to go to college, they are making sacrifices (working hard, in some cases cutting out their own niceties, in all cases paying an exhorbitant amount of money to help you do better). His point with this example was to say "Do something with it."

If your parents buy (or anyone buys) you an education, it's disrespectful to get bad grades. It's like pouring money down the drain. To that same end if Jesus died for your sins, don't waste your life. It's like pouring his blood down the drain.

He went on to talk about how being a Christian is not saying, hey, I'm perfect or hey, I'm doing well all the time. While, of course, we should be grateful, it's important to acknowledge that we struggle with everyday things like purity and making the right choices.

Like if you're choosing to abstain from sex, it doesn't become easier because you're a Christian. The physical struggle is the same as for anyone else, your stregnth comes from the spiritual power you gain from God. And going through that struggle, experiencing that struggle is what will take you to the next level.

By far the most inspiring part of what he said was something to the effect of "I could not be who I was in in 2008, were in not for the struggles I experienced in 2007. I could not be who I was in 2009 if it were not for the struggles I experienced in 2008. I could not be who I am in 2010 *insert Tea church shouting right chere* if it were not for the struggles I experienced in 2009. And everything that I am going through RIGHT NOW is preparing me for what God has for me in 2011."

My key takeaways were: Don't waste the lessons you've learned, the things you've been through, the sacrifices you've made or the sacrifices others have made for you. Embrace the struggle and know that there is something bigger or better for you on the other side of it.

Note to self: Buy power of sacrifice DVD from church.

Monday, April 19, 2010

More adjustments

Just like I had to make mental adjustments to allow me some leeway in my workout regimen, I've been pretty hard on myself on the money piece this year (which is why I don't let you all comment about it. Unfortunately, I have unusually high standards for myself. It's neither normal, nor healthy, but no one criticizes me harder than I criticize myself. I don't need others adding to the insanity).

So instead of feeling like hey, I didn't stick to this stringent financial plan that I have to make all my dreams come true in 12 months I can feel like hey, shit is expensive in 2010 and some of it I have to buy. Some of it I WANT to buy and that's ok too. I'm saving SOME money and paying down SOME debt and some is enough for a person on a single income who gives regularly to charity and enjoys eating three meals a day.

Yes, I think SOME is just fine.

And I'm going to stop calling my financial shortcomings failures. I'll call them unexpected expenditures because that's exactly what they've been. I'm going to work to eliminate them as much as possible, but I'm going to practice being gentler with myself and my goals.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Life is about making adjustments

Kanye's workout plan has GOT to cease. I'm going too hard and am underweight and what I think is just the burn from a good workout is my body being weak from too much exercise and a restricted calorie diet. Like I'm one burger away from anorexia out here and that ish is neither cute nor funny.

My bff noted that instead of enjoying losing weight without trying, I've added yet another to-do to my massive list (lose weight, burn 500 calories each workout, workout 1 hour every day of the week, go, go, go). I've turned something I used to enjoy doing into a task and I'm killing myself to complete it.

So instead of feeling like I'm a failure for NOT getting down to 135 lbs (which is sort of how I felt at first), I can feel like I'm a human being who's learning what works for her. I can also feel like I'm getting old[er] and these pounds are not dropping off like they used to. This sharp turn that I've taken towards (*insert age I'm about to be that's none of your business*) is a pure and utter mess.

So yeah, I tried going hard at the gym. That didn't work for me. On to the next one.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Wire = The Bible

So I was reading my bible and some woman in the old testament killed a man who was sleep in her tent by driving a hole in his head with a hammer and a nail.

That's right Chris and Snoop from the wire weren't original in killing folks with nails. There's nothing new under the sun. smh

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Am I Pregnant?

Lawd, I hate asking that dumb question, but I promise no matter how much sex I have NOT had, I ask that question.

One month my cycle was 8 days late and I KNEW I wasn't preggers, but the following went through my mind:

- I'm working out and not losing weight, I must be pregnant. (Meanwhile, I get bloated when I'm on my period or about to be on my period, so I was not pregnant)

- My voice is so deep. I must be pregnant. (It was fucking allergies, not conception)

- I'm hungry as hell. I must be pregnant. (Or maybe I was just hungry... how about that)

- My nipples are tender. I must be pregnant. (My nipples are always tender right before I get my period)

- I've said the word pregant 7 times and went to 3 baby showers in the last 2 years. Oh Lord, I must be pregant.

I know I'm not the only person who does this silly mess. I gotta stop psyching myself out like this! NOTE: I AM NOT PREGNANT. Don't go starting rumors ok?

And for anyone else who's ever experienced a late cycle check out these facts on possible causes.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Memorable Compliments

Ok, so sometimes, no matter how awesome my life is or how conceited I am I get a little down. I feel like I should have my own not-for-profit like Luvvie & KB. I feel like I should own my own home like thummyb. I feel like I should be happily married like D&J or R&P. I feel like I should have an advanced degree like kismet (and pretty much ALL of my other friends). I feel like I should be thicker than a snicka instead of slimmer than a pole.

I usually have to take a BIG step back to get a birdseye view of the forest while I'm in the midst of all these trees. So, to remind myself that God make me awesomely & wonderfully and that my path is my own, not to be compared to others and that we all can celebrate each other's greatness, I've compiled some of the most memorable compliments I've gotten. (Oh yes, feel free to add to them. Today is puff T's head up day).

(Per antithesis' comment, this isn't every compliment I've ever gotten in life, these are just the ones that really stick out)

1. "Your hair is peace"
2. "You are amazingly wise and have a beautiful heart"
3. "Wow, I never noticed before, but you have a nice shape" (hey, hey, this is completely physical, but my little-bootied-behind was beaming when he said that)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Fitness Update

I usually write my posts ahead of time, so last Friday when I said my Lent weight loss was 5lbs, that wasn't true. I thought it was when I wrote it, but I skipped the gym all last week so some lbs creeped back. I'm just going to tell y'all my weight, because otherwise everything I'm about to write would be confusing.

Before Lent I was 140, at some point during Lent I got down to 134, then I held at 135 for a hot second. This Sunday when I went back to the gym I was 138 (after a week of not going to the gym) hiatus. Boo!

I'm going to make 135 my summer 2010 goal weight to get to (and maintain). The day I wrote this post I am down to 136. I HAVE been eating bread and I had a piece of pie on Easter. Oh, it was heavenly! Matter of fact, pardon me: Dear Lord, thank you for the oven and all of the delicious things that come out of it. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Back to the post: Post-Lent, I am very conscious of how much bread I eat and how it makes me feel. (Bloated) I've increased my cardio to combat the carbs I'm folding back into my diet. Instead of doing about 30 minutes, I now do about an hour EVERY DAY.

Big thanks to thummyb for texting me every week day morning when she gets to the gym. It really helps to have a fit friend to be your partner in the war on pudginess. I thank God for her!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Event Alert: Lithos & Libations

Hey folx, all the info for the event is up there. AND I want you to BUY a ticket, but I have two free to give away. So let's do some trivia. I'll give these tix to the first to people to answer there two questions.

1. What does the M. in Whitney M. Young stand for?
2. How many teams has WY alum, NBA player, Quentin Richardson played for?

Best wishes and hope to see you out tonight!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Die Generalizations Die!!!

I hate generalizations. I really do. They bother me. They make me itch. They infuriate me on some days and amuse me on others. I hate the way people jump on them like bandwagons. I hate the way some people treat them like gospel. I hate the way generalizations affect perception and I hate that perception is reality.

I wonder if instead of saying things like Black women have attitudes that people would say women who have been molested, raped, physically and/or dometically abused have attitudes. Because the number women who have endured those things is higher than we know. Perhaps we look at a group of women's attitude as the coping mechanism it is and let them correct it in their own time rather than judging their imperfections when we stand squarely on the ground with those same impections and different ones of our own.

But nope, we don't look at people like that. Our simple minds can't process that kind of complexity. Literally, the mind stereotypes and simplifies because it can't deal with large discrepancies from a group that seems like it's the same.

I just want folx to peel back the layers sometimes. It's hard to do that with just 140 characters though. Yes, this rant was brought to you by Twitter. That is all.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Spring Cleaning

Today [read: the day I wrote this post] I had the day off and I cleaned my tush off. Wait that didn't sound right. I clean my tush daily. The point is I worked up a sweat cleaning my crib. My poor little studio was so dusty. Literally dusty.

I did some spring cleaning research to see where this notion came from and the jury is out. Here are some possible origins.

I also threw a lot of stuff away. Every time I deep clean, I have bags of trash, bags for the salvation army and bags for the cleaners. I left out of the house looking like the bag lady for real, but I came home with nothing but my purse.

I get the same joy from throwing things away as I do buying new things. Sort of how I get the same joy of purchasing clothes as I do purging my closet or returning an item. To me, it's the same action - bringing balance to my closet, my home... and ultimately my life.

I don't have a heartwarming story about how we should go through the same cleaning process with our minds, our bodies and our hearts, but um, yeah, do that too. LOL!

Have you done any spring cleaning? Any plans to do so?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Where's the Proof?

Disclaimer: I'm super sensitive about this here topic. If you say something in the comments and I feel like you're attacking me (whether you are or not), I'm going to delete your comment. Please tread lightly in the comments section today.


My girl @denissofatal tweeted that her and her stylist were talking about how "some women spend so much time trying to convince their men that they're 'the one.'" She went on to say:

"It's so sad b/c you shouldn't have to do any convincing esp if you know your a worthy Queen and should be treated as such."

I agree wholeheartedly, so much so, that I need to blog on it.

I've been in this situation before. In this particular situation I made no demands on this man. I had no expectations of him. I knew he was seeing other people and I didn't care because I enjoyed the time I spent with him. I loved him in a way that I can't even describe to you on this blog. I made up in my mind that when he was ready to settle down, I would CLEARLY be the one he would settle with because I was SO qualified and because I treated him well and because I didn't have many demands like the bitchy women I saw who were in failed relationships. I thought I was different. I thought was other. I thought I was EXACTLY who he wanted me to be, so I just knew I was going to be the chosen one.

Boy, was I broken at this time. I didn't believe that I was good enough to be the only woman. I felt like due to the male-female ratio in the world and especially the black community that I have to prove that I was worthy enough to be his girl, his only girl. I couldn't just bring what I had to the table and that be enough. Nope, I had to go above & beyond.

The thing is I am good enough. And I am good enough before *insert sarcasm font* Doing all the things Steve Harvey said I should do or listening to Finesse Williams' advice in Essence or calling my boys for advice (who are clearly experts on successful relationships). Before taking the advice of single males on Twitter with early adulthood issues about how I should improve certain sexual positions to secure a man. *end sarcasm font* The truth is just by being made in the image of God I am good enough to be someone's one and only. Actually, I'm amazing *Jill Scott voice* in every way imaginable.

I'm either going to be your girl in a monogamous relationship or I'm not. Gone are the days of walking on eggshells about this topic. When I'm ready to talk about it, we're going to talk about it. When he's ready to talk about it (if he's more ready then me), then we're going to talk about it. I'm not going to be trying to be chosen. I'm not going to try to be who I think he wants me to be.

I will be collaborative, but not compromsing. I will be open, my I won't turn a sideeye to deal breakers in the name of companionship.

Ladies, you don't have to either. You are enough. No one is perfect. So long as you are working to make yourself a better person, you are exactly what the man for you needs OR he's not the one. I can't say this enough. Actually I might put it on a t-shirt or pass it around on business cards.


And to quote another songstress, the truth it needs no proof, either it is or it isn't.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Final Lent Update (2010)

I haven't figured out which church I'm going to for Easter, but I know I will be at my mom's crib for Lent and Oh, the bread and baked goods I'm about to partake in. I might not even eat any meat.

Let's hope all my hard work doesn't come back in the form of 5 lbs after this Easter feast.

I'm also thinking about making myself do 1 full hour of cardio every day that I eat bread or baked goods. OR doing some sort of fruit and veggie only diet... er... um... healthy eating plan up until Miami (and honestly throughout the summer).

The final number is I've lost 5 lbs and my stomach is looking decent. Not ripped like I remember (Miami 07), but better than before.

Jesus & I are actually still getting down how we've been getting down, so that's also a plus.

How did Lent go for you?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Welcome to Q2!!!

You all are well aware of my money grind this year. No credit cards, cash only and HEAVY savings to pay down credit card debt. I decided to keep a record of everything I WANTED to do, but didn't (to meet this stupid goal).

This post is mainly for me. (Since Tea & Such is a good record keeper). Hopefully this will help me to appreciate paying down my debt even more.

January - I skipped:

1. Dinner club with the ladies (it was later cancelled, but my reason for not going was to save money)
2. B's birthday celebration
3. CJ's going away party

January's fails were: CC usage at a happy hour.

February - I skipped: Well, I didn't skip a damn thing in February.

February's fails were: Going to Allstar weekend though I hadn't budgeted for it. (Note: flight and hotel were free, so we're just talking extra party, food and drink costs and new clothes - nothing too major).

March - I skipped LM's birthday dinner.

March fails were:
Everything I spent money on because I didn't save a damn thing in March.

Ok, I was going to wait and post this at the end of the year to show how diligent I've been, BUT I've only saved 20% of what I'd budgeted to save by this point. YIKES!

This post is to put a fire under my butt to save right for Q2-4. And I'm disabling comments because I don't want to hear it. Nothing you all ever say makes me change my patterns anyway. I have to do this for myself, by myself, in my head first and then in my pocket (and savings account).

After writing that, I should probably invite God into this equation. I can't do anything by my self. It has to be me and Jesus, going hard out here. So, stay tuned for a Q2 update.