I want to cry. I want to cry a big ugly, heaving I-hope-nobody-sees-me cry. I want to have an emotional manifestation of being overwhelmed besides anger, but the tears will not drop. My mind knows that I can handle being overwhelmed, my emotions are not so sure.
My body is convinced quite otherwise and my face. My face feels like the weight of the worlds is sitting on the creases of my mouth and not even the biggest body builder could curl my frown into a smile.
I feel like I'm dry heaving, but with tears. I wish I could just vomit, er, um I mean cry already. Somehow I've convinced myself that big girls don't cry [in the workplace], let alone a grown woman showing emotion.
But I am showing emotion. I'm showing pure disgust and unadulterated hatred for anyone who adds to my monumental list of tasks. I'm showing gross resentment for the 14-hour workdays, never-ending travel and extreme lack of gratitude for my time and service.
Yes, I am showing emotion that I'd rather not feel let alone show. I really just wish I could fucking cry in my office and get it over with, so I could release this overwhelmed feeling and fucking get back to work.
Maybe this post will help.