Friday, November 6, 2009

Match Date # 1

The one you've all been waiting for: My first match date

So the first guy I went out on a date with from Match.com seemed cool enough. He was 32, lived on the south side, willing to meet me up north for a date and cute. He had a black & white professional photo as his photo and I didn't think anything of it because there are a lot of aspiring actors and such who have photos like that on Match.

He said he liked live music, but he didn't want to go to the Sprite Green event which was basically a free concert with free food and drinks. You all know I'm loyal to my commitments, so since my date was already planned, I went out with him instead of hanging out with my people at the Sprite event.

This fool was not 32, he was 42. And the worst part about it is that I talked to so many dudes on Match.com that I'd gotten his profile mixed up with someone elses and had convinced myself he was 29. When he sat down across from me, I'm like this is neither the face, nor the body of a 29 year old. He had on a muted yellow polo, jeans and black Nikes. But not Air Force Ones, granddaddy Nikes. You know the kind of shoes you're wearing when you're actually working out.

Anyway, the conversation was dry. He was an angry black man, going on about the broken school system, segregated city of Chicago, etc, etc. He always had to have the last word when we were talking (he's a man, so I gave it to him, but damn). He would repeat stuff I already said like he was telling it to me for the first time.

Fake Example:
T: The American flag is red, white and blue
Old dude: And it's red

Real Example:
T: I have 45 days before my lease it up to let my landlord know if I'm moving or not
Old dude: Legally, it's only 30 days.
T: Oh ok, well when I signed my lease, it said 45 days.
Old dude: Oh ok, well, if you waited 30 days it wouldn't be a problem it's the law.
Thank you old dude, for telling me what I signed. UGH!

He complained about how dirty New York was... but he's never been. **eyeroll** Sidenote: Attn Chicago Men: Step Your travel game up. Thanks, Tea.

**Back to the wackness**

So I'm tired of talking about this wackness already. I'm going to attempt to give an abridged version. We met at Borders. Talked. Walked a bit. Found out he was 42. Was a little scared because I didn't want to end the date abruptly and have him follow me home (if he lied about his age, what else was he lying about). As we walked, he started inquiring about dinner. Didn't want noodles, sushi, red meat or pork. That left Chicken, but he didn't want American fare. Ended up at an Italian spot that he suggested. He complained about the menu. He ordered an appetizer with no drink. I order an entree with a soft drink. He fidgeted when the bill came. Asked the waitress if they took Discover. They didn't. Asked me if I had cash. I did. We split the bill.

Yep, you read that right. Your girl, for the first time EVER on a first date, paid for her own meal.
THIS. WAS. THE. WORST. DATE. OF. MY. ENTIRE. LIFE.

Not ONLY was he a liar, dry, boring and lame, but I spent $34.99 (Match.com fee) + $18 on my food just to have the experience. Oh yeah, you read that correctly too his 42 year old ass couldn't (or wouldn't) cover a $31 food bill.

Let's hope Date #2 is better... (and cheaper.)

Side note: to compound how wack he was at one point he asked why I went natural and when I told him it was just a practical decision, he sort of rolled his eyes and said "Oh. I thought you did it because you wanted to be more natural."

I was thinking "Why the fuck would you think that?" But I composed myself. 2 points for anger management. 0 points for the male gender. (Yes, I'm blaming this date on the whole gender)

7 comments:

antithesis said...

that was painful to read. at 42, you should be able to afford a $30 bill. y are u complaining about a place YOU suggested. when is it appropriate to wear gym shoes (aint that what yall call em there?) on a first date? do you want me to go on? dont mind if i do. who uses discover exclusively? "oh you have discover? they're part of an exclusive club called 'ANYBODY'". if you can, catch the family guy episode where peter tells a man "no, you are gonna stand here and listen to all the things i will accept over your fly-by-night card". im just out of my mind with confusion b/c why would you agree to go on a date with 0% ability to pay. he was the worst grandpa EVER! (sorry for the mini blog post)

ThummyB said...

My favorite part is when he looked like he thought you were going to split the change with him. Ahahahaha! Bastid!

South Loop Social Light said...

Sorry you had to experience that date. Reading it was painful. lol... Old guys are just old. Lol @ the sneakers.

nerdgirlms said...

Ewwwww!

K to the... said...

Wow...what a bum auss, old auss, cheap auss, angry auss and *insert any other adjective* auss man!

NEXT!

Kay* said...

oh please please tell me it gets better with date #2

The Real Housewife of Cook County said...

this was hilarious, so sorry to laugh at your expense. I had a discover card for about one minute, literally one minute and canceled that joker as soon as possible. I'm willing to bet that he asked about discover because he knew that they weren't going to take that card. If you're old, you could at least be BALLLLLLINNN' just kidding.