Thursday, October 29, 2009

See... What Had Happened Was...

(This post ended up being stupid long, but trust me, it's worth it.)

I had an 8:25 a.m. flight to New Jersey. My alarm clock was hating and even though I set it for 5 a.m., it didn't go off and I woke up at 7:26, WAY too late to make that flight. So I showered quickly and packed. Oh yeah, the one time I decide I'm going to pack in the morning is the time I oversleep.

So in miracle fashion, I'm out house by 8:00 on the head. I call a cab, it'll be there at 8:07. I flag one down at 8:04, call back to cancel my 8:07 flag. I put on make-up. (The only thing worst than a stressed woman is an ugly stressed woman).

I call American Airlines to see if the flight is on time. It is. I ask what time the next flight is. 11:15 and it's wide open. Great. It gets into Newark at 2:40. Not Great. My destination is 45 minutes away from Newark and I need to be there at 2:30 p.m.

I call my company's travel service to see what time the next United flight leaves. It departs at 10 and gets in 1 or something like that. Great. It costs $354 plus the $45 ticketing fee. Not great. How the hell am I going to expense a $400 flight because I woke up late. Accounting would kill me.

I look up. 8:35 I'm still in traffic on the same street I live on. Damnit!!!

So I'm thinking... I cannot be late for this. Thinking... there has to be another option. Thinking how am I going to explain this to my managers, the talent, the camera crew, thinking, thinking, thinking. Well, people going to NYC sometimes fly to Newark, since I'm going to Newark, perhaps I'll fly to NYC.

I called the travel hotline back. There's a flight out to LaGuardia at 9:35 getting there at 12:45. Perfect. $150 change fee plus $45 ticketing fee. Not perfect. I'll just wait until I get to the airport to change the flight.

I dial my office because I now need to cancel my rental car and get car service from NYC to NJ. I don't have an admin [anymore. effing cutbacks]. Only admins book car service. I ask the receptionist if she can book it. No, I have to e-mail the admin pool. I'm in a cab and on a short deadline, don't have the resources to do that. She transfers me into the admin supervisor. This broad's voicemail comes up. GRRRRR!!!!

I call the receptionist back, ask for the Car Service number. She gives it to me. I dial it. It doesn't work. I call back (this is the third time I've talked to her in 2 minutes). She gives me the correct number.

I call. I book the service. Car Service Lady (CSL): What's your company's account number? T: I don't know.
CSL: What's the job number to bill this to? T: I don't know.
CSL: What's the purchase order number? T: I don't know.
CSL: What's your flight number? T: I'm not even sure if I'm going to be able to get on the flight to LaGuardia. I'm sorry that I'm basically no help at all, but I don't have an admin anymore due to cutbacks and admins have all this information and no one is available to help me and my flight leaves in 45 minutes and I don't even know if I'm going to make it and I'm really sorry, but I don't know the answer to your question. Is there anything you can do? Can I call you back with the information?
CSL: Ma'am if I don't have a purchase order number, the car won't be there to pick you up.
T: *sigh and smile* (because you sound calmer and prettier when you smile) Can. I. Call You Back. With That Information?
CSL: Yes ma'am.

8:50 Call a team member and ask her to do a purchase order and send to me quickly. Pay the Cab Driver. Stand in a relatively short line at the airport to change my ticket. Change my ticket to LaGuardia. No change fee at all. Do the stanky legg in my head. 8:58 a.m. Flight attendant says your plane will be boarding in 5 minutes. Great.

The brother in the first class line called me over, to bypass the other security line. YES! Get violated also known as security checkpoint. 9:03 Get a bagel sandwich. (No need to be stressed AND hungry).

Check my blackberry and the co-worker wants to know what account she should charge the purchase order to. Get slightly peeved because I only work on one account with her. WHAT ACCOUNT DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD CHARGE IT TO?(I say this in my head, not outloud or to her)

E-mail her back, ask her to hurry because my plane was leaving in minutes. Look down at my phone. 9:12. I have 3 voicemails. My phone was on silent. GREAT just GREAT. I have to listen to 3 old voicemails and let Verizon know if I want to erase them or not. ARGH!!!! VM1. Limo service wants to know the PO number. Erase. VM2. Limo service says I gave them the wrong flight number (of course I did, how else was I going to get them to process the car service.) Erase. VM3. Co-worker asking what account to charge the purchase order to. Erase. My phone rang while I was checking voicemail, couldn't answer it.

Group 4 now boarding. I'm group 2. Dangit! Hustle, hustle.

Board my flight, 9:15. Call the limo service back on the tarmac. She wants to know my confirmation number. It's on the back of the cab receipt in my wallet in the bowels of my purse. T: Hold on ma'am. Please don't hang up on me.

Board the plane, I'm all the way in the back. Awesome. Now she wants to know what flight I'm on. T: I don't know, let me find my ticket that I just put away in order to get the confirmation number for you. T: I think I'm on XXX flight. She wants to know if I'm sure. T: No, I'm on the plane. I know where it's going, I know where's it's leaving from, but there are millions of numbers on an airline ticket and I think XXX is my flight, but no ma'am. I am not sure. She says I have to be sure to get a car service. (A lesser person would have cried at this point)

I say ok, let me ask a flight attendant. Shout to a flight attendant, is this flight XXX. A woman near me answered with vigor, yes this is flight number XXX. (Thank you mystery woman). T: Attention, lady on the phone. Yes, this is flight number XXX and I am sure.

CSL: Great. Now, do you have the purchase order number. T: I have to put my luggage in an overhead bin now, can you hold. Please don't hang up on me.
Flight attendant: Can you put that on the left. (As I tried to put a roller board on the right).
T: Laughs (because, seriously, why not laugh at this point) Sure. Whatever you want.
Flight attendant: *cooing voice* Oh, your shirt matches your luggage. I've never seen that before. That's so cute.
T: *Looking down at my black polka-dot shirt* Oh wow. I didn't do that on purpose because that would be tacky.
Everyone seated near me: *erupts in laughter*
Flight attendant: I'm so sorry, I don't know why I said that.
T: Gives the flight attendant a "it's no problem at all face*
T: Hello, lady on the phone yes, the PO# is XXXXXX.
T: Excuse me Sir, I'm sitting in the window seat. Thanks.
T: Lady on the phone, are we all set?
CSL: Well, I need to call dispatch to make sure this number is right, but you sound like you can't hold.
T: *Seated* Exhales. I can hold. *Hold...*
CSL: You're all set.

Great. 9:20

Look down at my phone. Got another voicemail. Great. It's the limo service telling me for the third time that my flight is wrong and to call them back. Erase. 9:21

Call the travel hotline to cancel my rental car in Newark, lest I be charged some fees. 9:22

9:30 please turn off all electronic devices. The doors are closed and we are ready for takeoff.

Thank God for his divine power, my problem-solving skills and my new anger and stress management techniques. Woo Sah and Praise the Lord!

So... how was your morning?


antithesis said...

U r too good. I need to call u when I f*ck up b/c I would have been crying hysterically when I overslept and would have accomplished nothing. My anxiety would never let me oversleep b/c that's my biggest fear but still. Wow! Amazing stuff!

KindredSmile said...

OMFG just reading this post has me exhausted. You must be some kind of soothsayer :-).

K to the... said...

Damn, I left ATL heading back to the Chi yesterday...and I didn't have NEARLY all the issues you did. I just forgot to print my receipt afte paying to check my suitcase. Dang, now I can't get reimbursed for that $15! Look...every little bit counts. lol

T said...

@ K to the... you crazy! I'd be on the phone with said airline, like I'm going to need an e-mail/fax/text message or something to show that I paid y'all this $15 so I can be reimbursed. Thanks, mgmt.

Luvvie said...

WOWWWWW!!! Why was I on the edge of my seat while reading this??? U's a G!

ThummyB said...

SO at what point did you realize that the laptop was missing?

T said...

@thummyb that was a completely different day. I'll blog about that at another time.

Mary-Ann said...

So I had serious anxiety reading this eventho I knew how it was gonna end. U need a cape and a tiara (for the girly girl in you) cuz you be on it!

The Real Housewife of Cook County said...

there's no way that i could have done any of this. amazing!

I probably would have rolled over and went back to sleep...lolololol