Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What Standards? Cont.

Read this first.

Of course, I got to talking to my homeboys, TT and 4S, about it later and they mentioned, as they've mentioned before, that while I'm a fun personable person once you get to know me, in a setting where a man has to approach me, I LOOK like the type of woman who's going to give him a twenty-page questionairre before giving out my phone number... Like the type of woman who'll shut a man down before he can even get a word out.

They said I have a "regal air" about me and most men in the places I go aren't looking for regal... In the words of Kanye on Extravaganza Tea's "talkin' bout I ain't like them other girls, Well tonight he's tryna find them other girls, Bring they own rubber girls, Never meet your mother girls, You know they love it when you love 'em when they tell they friends... GURL"

LOL! So the conclusion they came to is that the men who come at me are kinda soft because based on how I LOOK and act (like a professional woman with some damn sense), men think they have to be a certain type of guy to even approach me. And the type it appears I want is a soft, backboneless, button-upped, Bryant Gumbel, Carlton Banks type dude. When, in fact, I really need/want a mostly button-upped, but take-charge, put me in my place as necessary, might wear Timberlands and a white tee two weekends out of the month type dude.

Even with this new "information," about how I unintentionally come off to people, I have no desire to try to morph into M'adam Approachable. I just think it's downright hilarious that everyone from my mother to men I don't even know thinks that I have some unreasonable set of standards that doesn't even really exist.

I guess it could be worst... everyone could think I have no standards at all... Whatev.

Side note: TT and 4S said the first step is to becoming M'adam Approachable AND attracting the type of guy I need in my life is to get my cornrows back, buy a week's worth of Baby Phat jogging suits and just "be" on the south side for 7 straight days. *eyeroll* and Womp.


Kismet said...

Dude. If I'd been on my blogging game like I normally am, I would have left this comment on the original post. I leave it here for posterity:

"Come harder, this won't be easy. Don't doubt yourself. Trust me, you need me."

better known as-- if you can't take the heat, get the fck out of the kitchen.

Simple and timeless words of wisdom from Bey and the world.

Disclaimer: My grandmother is convinced she is never having grandkids the way me and my siblings act so I guess I'm in similar boat as you. *shrug. Sorry I want the best and I know how to chill solita. Whatever.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

at least u know what u like in a she-male lol just joking

ThummyB said...

Love the quote, Kismet.

I'll give you a different perspective....we'll use me for the purpose of this discussion.

One side of my family has a whole different set of standards/priorities for themselves. Having kids right out of high school, opting out of college, and making a career out of being a receptionist (no diss to the receptionists in the room...Lord knows that admins make the world go around) is a standard way of life for them. As such, they think my standards are high just b/c I hold MYSELF to a higher standard, as well as the men in my life. What we might consider to be average qualifications (a degree, a job, a 5-10 yr plan) is 'sidity' in their mind. That might account for your aunt's comment...I know this isn't your mom's point of view.

Now I have theories the brothas who do approach and those that get the digits, but we'll take that convo off line.

T said...

@ kismet, love the quote.

@ Torrance, LOL @ she-male

@ thummyb, love that perspective. And ooh, I can't wait to have the offline convo. :)

antithesis said...

i dont know u in real life and i think u have standards. cant just any ol negro talk to T....

im not saying ur stuck up or anything like that. i just think u deserve and demand respect. end of story.

Luvvie (aka Queen IG) said...

I rebuke the thought of baby phat jumpsuits, hell ANYTHING, in the name of maturity and non high school fashion.

TatooTuesday said...

LOL, Bring they own rubber girls, never meet your mother girls... WHOA!!!

Yes you look like you like those old Dwele and Eric Robeson listening to brothers. You don't seem like a Dream, Fabolous or Plies kind of girl. LMAO!