Monday, February 23, 2009

Tea & Hoes

So one day in undergrad I was sitting in IHOP with my boyfriend at the time, some of his frat brothers and my BFF, who'd come down to kick it for the weekend. Some folks were high, most of us were drunk... it was a typical night on a college campus. So over fluffy pancakes, sobering sausage and tasty juice, we began to discuss a universal topic: hoes.

I don't remember how it came up, but the good brother Mike E. (R.I.P.) said that there are different levels of hoes. You have in order: your classy hoes, your paid hoes, your regular hoes, your buckets, your bussdowns and every other level of hoe in between. He tried to reason that a classy hoe is hands down better than a bussdown.

I, being the Communication major that I was, had another thought on the situation. Allow me to share it with you. In language there are five levels of speech. Level 5 is the most vague and level 1 is the most specific. We'll use a the word "table" as an example. The word table is a level 3 word in the English language.

Level 5 - Wood
Level 4 - Furniture
Level 3 - Table
Level 2- Kitchen Table
Level 1 - Cherrywood Antique Kitchen Table

Whether you call it wood or a cherrywood antique kitchen table at the end of the day it's still a table. The level of language you use to classify it just depends on your table expertise and your overall grasp of the English language. Let's apply this same model to hoes, shall we:

Level 5 - Bussdown
Level 4 - Bucket
Level 3 - Hoe
Level 2 - Well paid Hoe
Level 1 - Classy Hoe

And so my argument was then, and still is, that a hoe is a hoe is a hoe. Whether you call him or her a bussdown or a classy hoe at the end of the day he or she is still a hoe. It just depends on your hoe expertise and your overall grasp of the English language.


antithesis said...

i see wat ur saying and i agree. a hoe is a hoe. but the analogy i would use is you have a coffee table, dinner table, side table (or nightstand). they are all raised surfaces for similar purposes. you put stuff on them. a hoe, regardless of type, you put stuff in or on them too. you just call them whatever you want to justify your interaction with them...

ThummyB said...

Much agreed...BUT I would argue that the ramifications of being a bust down are not the same as those for being a classy hoe.

Let's assume that classy hoes keep their business on the low, then the consequences 'reputation wise' that this person suffers would be different from those of a bust down (who has her business all in the streets).

Not sure that this makes it any better, but I am guessing that this is what Mike was trying to insinuate...not all hoes live the same reality or face the same fate.

Florence said...

I understand what you're saying, but I agree with ThummyB. People make a similar argument for sins. "All sins are created equal," they say. I don't and never have subscribed to that line of thinking. I think it's poppycock. You mean to tell me stealing a piece of candy is the same as murdering a person?

~la negrita

Southside_Superstar said...

1.85' Caprice (with two different color doors)

All cars, varying levels of quality. Your argument is flawed because your example is based on various descriptions of the same object. Your boy (who I wholeheartedly agree with) has his list structured by quality and performance.

All Bugatti's are cars not all cars are Bugatti's : All Classy Hoes are hoes, but not all hoes are Classy Hoes.

Look T, I'm a professional Hoeoligist with a Phd from Roseland U. You can't tell me nothing about Hoes!

T said...

You all know I am strong-willed and opinionated and while I agree that classy hoes probably lead better lifestyles and that all hoes are not classy hoes, I still do believe that at the end of a day all hoes are JUST HOES.

4S, truth be told a Bugatti (what the hell is a Bugatti anyway?)... truth be told, a Bugatti is just a car. It's not a skateboard, a train, a 747... it' a car.

I guess using your example I can say that a Bugatti is better than a Caprice... but don't try to front on me like it's not still a car. If I get in it, I'm going to treat it with the same disrespect I treat all cars.

So I guess classy hoes are "better" than bussdowns, but don't try to front on me like they're not still hoes.

Southside_Superstar said...

I really don't care for your broad generalizations. I agree that all entities can be placed under the same general group, that however does not mean that they have any significant relation. Yes an old ass cutlass and a $1.5 million Bugatti are under the same automotive umbrella, but you cannot argue that by any reasonable stretch of the imagination similar beyond BASIC function (I can even argue that). That relates back to the Hoes. Your run of the mill West Side Hoe has no significant similarities to a Classy hoe other than the general group of HOE.

To enlighten you!


TatooTuesday said...

We talked about this the other night. There are several different types of hoes. Me being a hoe myself (we all have a past) am well aware the difference. said...

Yes indeed a hoe is a hoe...

There really is not a ranking system involved in self-debasement...

TatooTuesday said...

There really is a ranking system.

Anyone that denies the hierarchy of ho-ism is grossly misinformed.

b.enchanted said...

Well, all Cherrywood Antique Kitchen Tables are made of wood-- but every wood table isn't Cherrywood Antique.
Same with hoes.
All Classy Hoes are bussdowns to a degree-- but every bussdown isn't classy.
I think you should have a little more respect for hoes T. It's a job. Somebody's gotta do it.

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

HILARIOUS!! A hoe, is a hoes, is a hoe. Period!