Monday, December 22, 2008

Tea's Top 10: Male First Date Mistakes

According to 4S and TT, I date a ton. Not necessarily true. I date enough. But anyway for the entertainment of the ladies and for the knowledge of the fellas, here are Tea's Top 10 male "first date" mistakes.

10. As of late, hating on Barack Obama after I specifically tell you I do work on the campaign. There's no quicker way to end a date with me.

9. Refusing to pick the restaurant and/or theme of the first date. Grow a backbone and make a decision.

8. Asking me to pay or go dutch. ("forgetting" your wallet is also a big no-no. Did you forget the car keys too? UGH!)

7. Being late to pick me up or if I'm meeting you being late to the central location we've chosen. (You all know I am Madam punctual. I've tried to be late... it just doesn't work for me). I have about 10 GOOD stories on men and punctuality, maybe I'll open up about dating bit more on the blog in 2009. Probably not.

6. Asking to come upstairs at the culmination of the date. If I didn't ask you up, you're not invited.

5. Asking the question "So, what do you like to do?" This mistake requires an explanation, because one would think I'm being unreasonable, but I'm not.

This is a horrible question because there is no good answer. Most busy professionals just like to sleep when they're not at work. This question always leads to... "oh, we should do that together." Well maybe I'd like to go to the movies with you, but I'm not going to say "I like to go the movies." It may also lead to, "so when was the last time you did XYZ?" I could say I like to go to the theater (which I do), but that doesn't mean I've been lately. Just be more specific, say "hey, I have tickets to the Opera or season tickets to the Bears/Cubs/Sox/Bulls. Would you like to go?"

4. Asking the question "So why is a smart, pretty girl like you single?" ARGH!!!!!!! Don't you know wack, ugly and/or dumb people who are in relationships and/or married? Being pretty and/or smart (or any of my other fabulous attributes) are not requirements for being in a relationship. Please stop the madness with this question. How would you like me to answer that question: "I'm single because [insert something negative about all men here]" OR "I'm single because I [insert all of my faults and flaws here]." Um... not going to happen. Please believe I have developed an effective key message for this question.

3. Asking about my last relationship and/or talking about your ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, ex-cut buddy, current cut buddy. Not cool.

2. Talking about sex on the first date. Dude, I don't even know you.

1. Lying and/or omitting information about your marital status. Separated IS NOT divorced. Tell a friend.


antithesis said...

i did but didnt need to read this. girl, i really dont want to do this anymore. i feel you on every single thing! and then some...but those are after the first date.

Reese said...

wow, that's pretty strong T, the one about going dutch was esp funny to me. at first im like why not? but there i remembered this is a first date, so yeah thats cool, so when is it a good time to go dutch OR the lady picks up the check, im SO out of the loop on that one because i have been...well you know.

my rule of thumb always is whoever initiates the date, pays. But i honestly feel like the days of a man paying for everything is kinda too old fashioned (unless you are a baller. My personal situation notwithstanding) because i dont think i know too many women that make less than me, so spread that financial prosperity around.
As i quote Jaimie fox and Neyo, "i love her cause she got her own"

solid list though, i filed all of those...and i realize that there are exceptions to every rule (looking at number 2 LOL)

NaturallyAlise said...

I wholeheartedly agree with numbers 5 & 4. i hate those type of questions. I feel if you are vibing to a certain point that those questions will come out in natural conversation. Forced conversations drive me batty.

Another relate thing that I have encountered is people who fish for compliments, I always make sure they catch a boot, asking me things as "What made such a pretty gal like you decide to go out with me?" , that question will lead me to say "I was bored and figured it wouldn't be too terrible"

PyT said...

@ NaturallyAlise: I hate insecurity with a deep passion! What made you call me back? Or what made you give me your number? That is the quickest way for me to lose interest. Man up, and be sure about yours!

@ Reese: I don't think there's a set time on when to go dutch. If I know a brotha's bank account situation, and he may not have it, then I will definitely pick up my half or pay the tip. If I asked you out, then I'll pay. I do think it will differ from situation to situation...but I don't think that Jamie and Ne-yo were talking about food and drinks in the Ms. Independent remix. What man can't appreciate a woman who's living on her own and has her stuff in order (pays bills, lives on her own, etc.). Food and drinks are so low on the scale (to me at least). I mean is a brotha really going to come at me like "I bought you three apple martinis that night and a fish dinner so you owe me!"

Cris said...

I have comment on ALL of these, LOL. I will try not to make a new blog here.

10. Would make me go back home. don't hate because it's not you black man.

9. I still fight with hubby about this. He did pick the first date but has only picked about twice since then and he is the picky eater.

8. I agree with Reese somewhat. I don't like dutch, it is not a date if you go dutch. I think the person who initiates the date should pay. However, I am still old fashioned and believe that a woman should not ask a man on a date. The bible says a MAN that FINDS a wife findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. If the woman finds him I think it goes against this. Now whether or not you want to marry the person may be a different story.

7. I am a late person and am praying on that. But first impressions mean everything and I always prepare in those situations. A first experience in any way with any person where they are late would tick me off.

6. Oh HTTN. You are dismissed dude.

5. I agree with Alise. You shouldn't have to dig for that. If you do, we obviously don't have chemistry.

4. This can be translated into "I know you must have some issues or be a real b!*@# if you don't have a man yet.

3. First dates should be to get to know each other. We ain't that deep yet to talk about the past.

2. See #6

1. This is huge because many men think that because they are not happy (at the moment) that it makes it ok for them to date. The problem is the "at the moment part". Most men are not going to leave their wives/families. They just need to step out because they are bored. Then they realize after a while of being stupid that by picking up another woman they have to start all over with all new issues and drama and why do that when you have established enough at home and know how to handle it?

Reese said...

@ pyt LMAO about the fish dinner and you owe me (you know docks on 87th be hawkin they fishwich wednesday with a pic of Predisent Obama, so they may be able to get T go go off the stregnth of that alone). I wasnt speaking specifically to meals but that is a good point. i wouldnt be into paying a random chicks bills anyway.

funny thing is i know chicks that have dudes doing that kind of thing, crazy says i.

just re-read the list and number 1 is off the chain!

that makes me ask another question, you wouldnt see someone who was seperated? is that because of the obvious baggage or because they lied about it? and that makes me ask another one, if a guy was upfront and told you he was married but seperated from his wife you wouldnt date him?

T said...

Loving the commentary, per usual. Keep it coming.

@ Reese, I agree with Cris on #6. I'm neither common, nor average, but I am traditional (i.e. old-fashioned) in every sense of the word. I don't ask guys out, so the you should pay if you asked me out thing is a non-issue.

@ naturallyalise and PyT, we should add to the insecure thing and say that guys who want to tell you in mass detail WHY they picked YOU out of the crowd are also irritating. Dude, I do not need to know every detail of what was going through your mind when you saw me. Save that for the wedding story mm-kay.

@ Reese again, I didn't say I wouldn't see someone who was separated. What I said is I can't stand when people LIE about their marital status. If you aren't divorced don't tell me you ARE divorced. Divorced and separated are two different things. You all know marriage is sacred to me and I'd at least like the opportunity to decide whether or not I'm going to date a man who is still married - separated or not. Lying takes that choice away from me.

I feel a post on being "separated" coming up in the drafts.

Southside_Superstar said...

First ans foremost T absolutely dates a ton! I have proof that I will not divulge do to a confidentiality agreement between T and I.

10) As of Nov 4, 2008 any criticism or analysis of Barack Obama (aka the new God to black women) is heralded as blasphemous and counter productive. Why cant men and women engage in political conversation and disagree without the person who is not aligned with Barack being a Hater. As much as I love Barack he is not perfect and can fuck up..its ok.

9)No arguments on this one. There is nothing wrong with trying to get your input on a location of at least what type of food. No one want to be the guy who takes you to a restaurant and hears "oh...I don't like Italian food"

8)I agree 100%

7)Well I've been guilty of this but I sweet talked my way out of it. I also hate when a woman makes me wait more than 5 min. How were you raised???

6)Damn T, maybe he thought you were a little tense and wanted to massage your back! LOL

5)Maybe you dont realize how fucked up you are that you dont enjoy someone actually caring about what you like, and having the foresight to ask in an effort to make you as happy as possible.

4) I know why you hate that like the wrong type of , TT, and I have gone over this a million times.

(whats your key message?)

3)No, comment. The first date should be all about the two of you.

2)Hey, Hey, Hey...Youre hot...maybe you mentioned where you hail from and he got the wrong impression.

1)Once the lie is revealed, the proper response is "NIGGA KILL YOSELF!!!...RIGHT NOW!!!

Cris said...

LMAO @ 4S's #1

Mrs.Young_fashion said...

Girl all I have to say is LOL. That is some funny mess.

ThummyB said...

Ok - I'm late but two things...

Re. the guy paying - In my mind this is the case all of the time until we develop a bond. I might buy you a drink if we're out, but I'm not going to come out of pocket until I am emotionally connected to the man. This might seem harsh, but in my mind, the man courts the woman. Unless, I am taking him someplace (or to do something) that is really special to me, then I would expect that he would initiate and pay for most of the dates.

Re. dating a separated man. I vote NO. It just seems as though a man in his position has some stuff that he needs to resolve before he can be ready to move forward with a new relationship. Plus you're technically married, and I don't want anything to do with a married man.

Que.P said...

9. If a guy asks me out, he should decide where to go. Not only does that show some backbone, but it also shows his intent, as well as sets a standard. A date to the Goodman Theater and to Morton's is different than a date to the AMC and to Applebee's.

8. Going dutch is not a date. It's simply having dinner with another person. But if YOU ask ME out and pick the place, you're paying, and if we're going dutch, we've been friends for a while, and there' no "getting to know you" conversation.

6. One a firt date, dude doesn't even know where I live, so there is no asking to come up.

5. Usually by the time a guy asks this question, I will have already answered it. "Where you not listening when I said..."

4. I especially despise this question when it's followed by, "seriously" or "honestly" as though I would be dishonest in my answer. "So tell me, why are you single, honestly?" What kind of question is that? It's very implicative, as though there is something wrong with me, as though it's MY fault that I'm single. Well guess what? It IS my fault. I'm single by choice, and it doesn't look like you'll be doing anything to change that.

2. No sex. And no implications of it either. That's the best way NOT to get any.

Que.P said...

I agree with Thumby on dating a man who is separated. Clearly there is still something left, otherwise you'd be divorced. In addition, I've experienced men using "separted" as an excuse to cheat. Nigga you and your wife get "separated" everytime **fill in some meaningless event**. Yall will be together again come income tax time.

Reese said...

just to make it clear, im writing a post on my love hate relationship with obama, today...

TatooTuesday said...

Ahhh, someone should email me when blogs like this are written:

10. I don't discuss religion with atheists.

9. I can pick a place but I try not too because I'm a very simple guy. When we have our initial conversations I find out some interests, things she hasn't done in awhile and go from there. I try to make each date a new experience, thus I try to get her input. I'm too selfish to plan shit how I want to.

8. I pay for all my dates. When women ask me out I pay too. I don't feel right when a woman pays. A few girls have paid because they insisted. One girl even threatened to leave the money in my car. I just feel like a loser when a woman has to pay for stuff around me.

7. I've been late before, plenty of times actually. That's because I like to get all "primp and proper." I don't mind a women being late because most of the time it is due to nervousness or her trying to make sure she looks her best and has everything in order. I can appreciate that. I don't judge people on their timeliness alone.

6. I don't ask my way into anywhere I'm not invited. Because you couldn't come in my house on the first date either. Side note... I don't go on the first date. I hold out to show women that my peter-peter-pumpkin eater is as valuable as their va-jay-jay!

5. I'm a mouth piece, no need for idle random ass questions.

4. I don't ask why a woman is single. That is stupid. But I will ask, "Do you chase fairy tales?" LMAO

3. I will ask about a last relationship, not out on a date but I do need to know pertinent information. I don't ask who you letting put the icing on the cake currently because I don't wanna fathom me dropping you off at home after dropping all this dust and some dude coming over to smash you when you got nice off my liquor and my dime, NOPE, not on duty.
Now I will tell you about my current/past chicks because I am the most "open" dude you'll ever meet. I won't bring it up, but if you ask, I'll tell.

2. I don't think I've ever been on a first date where sex has not come up in some form or fashion, not in a rude or crude manner and it wasn't initiated by me. Unless it was in a joking manner, about a couple we saw or the movie we just saw. Bringing up sex between me and the date is a NO-NO!!!

1. This is Not Applicable, Lying begets Violence.

kay* said...

oh my gosh this is hilarious! i've encountered some of these situations before...i must know what the answer you give to #4 is?!?!? or maybe you've already mentioned above...i'm going to go read the comments from everyone right now!

K to the... said...

Currently doing the holy ghost dance on #'s 4 & 5.

b.enchanted said...

Okay so I'm late but whatever. This is ridiculous, and I totally agree with numbers 4,3,and 2. Soooo whack!

Anonymous said...

Wow I'm super late. And sidenote: This is why I don't check in on your blog man; I just spent half an hour NOT writing....dammit.

(But it was a HILARIOUS half hour!)

I want to know what T's model response is to #4 though. I will probably need to steal it. That is my LEASTTTTTT favorite question on pick ups & dates...