Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thursday Swirl

Interracial Dating: Let's talk about it.

Essence recently sent out a photo gallery showing African American women in interracial relationships.

When I first got it in my inbox I was infuriated because I thought it was about Black MEN in interracial relationships. Now, Essence is supposed to be for Black women, but every since TimeWarner took over, they've been pissing me off. Profiling dudes with white wives (no disrespect, but it's supposed to be a magazine for and about BLACK WOMEN), putting Mariah Carey on the cover WAY too much (You know she only identifies with her Black side now that her husband is Black... womp.), and giving WAY to much love to the big girls. I'm sorry, shapely women are sexy, but heart attacks are not and Essence acts like every big girl is healthy. Even Mo'Nique and Queen Latifah are losing weight to be healthier, please recognize, the gym is your friend.

So anyway, I was pretty surprised by the reactions that came up when I saw that article. When I thought it was black men with other races of women, I was mad, but when I realized it was black women with other races of men, I had a you-go-girl type of attitude. I really thought I had a more forward-thinking attitude than that, but I can't control my feelings, only the actions I take regarding those feelings.

I actually have no problem with interracial relationships (or at least I don't think I do). I did at one time. (Sam & Josh would be surprised to hear me say that, because I've threatened them about bringing white girls home. [Don't judge me] They don't listen to me though. Truth be told, if they really love someone and she treats them well, I really don't care, but they don't need to know that right now. I need them to at least attempt to marry a sista).

I do, however, have a problem with identity crises and denying your race (i.e. I know a sister with a blonde weave who only dates white men and wants to adopt a white child. She asked a black friend of mine if she could babysit her pale light-skinned daughter, but didn't want to babysit her caramel colored son. Really?)

I could go on and on on this topic, but if you've given up on any race of people based on the few negative experiences you've had in your short life, you're a lost cause and I hope whoever you end up with is as twisted as you are, so you two can deserve each other.

Personally, I'd date outside of my race without a second thought, but for the most part, I haven't found any non-black men [in real life] that I'm extremely attracted to who are also attracted to me. It's usually a one-sided type of deal. i.e. I like Jude-Law-esque white boys and they like tall blondes OR Zero-swag white boys like me... I can't go. OR they're attracted to some negative image of a black women that they think I'm going to play out (I'm not a video hoe dude, get your life together).

I'll add more of my thoughts in the comments, but like Malik on The Game would say, how do you feel about the swirl?


Reese said...

personally i fux with the swirl, i have tasted the rainbow, and my pref is for sistas, but im not limiting myself to only one race. There are entirely too many fine women out here for that.

I will never tell anyone not to date someone outside of their race, actually if i ever had kids id encourage it cause cultural exchange that leads to fewer stereotypes IMO. the only time i don't care for people who are HARD advocates for that is when they say "oh i don't date black women because of XYZ", that infuriates me because how are you going to discount an entire race because one chick did you dirty? or Ive heard sisters say, " oh i don't date black men because all black men are dogs." I kid you now i wanted to slap the taste out her mouth. but i refrained, and what made it funny was that the dude she was dating was cheating on her.

so in a nutshell, i could care less who someone dating, as long as you are happy and not being flamboyant about it (that meaning throwing your relationship/happiness in anyone's face).

ThummyB said...

I have no issues with dating outside of my race.

In my head, I don't have any problem with Black men dating White women, but in my heart it just seems to be a nod to the days when "Miss Anne" was put up on a pedestal, looking at her the wrong way was punishable by death, and the ultimate status symbol was her on your arm. Clearly many of these couples are truly and deeply in love, but that's just my knee-jerk reaction.

identitycrisis said...

I think I feel the same way as T and ThummyB. If you really care about the person you're with and you're in it to fulfill some racial curiosity or because you have sworn off your own race for whatever reason, I'm cool with it. I do have a very different gut reaction though for black women who date other races than I do for black men who do the same. The women I know and see seem to be happy and proud but the dudes seem to look guilty or nervous like their waiting to be caught.

ThummyB brings up a good point about white women being the ultimate prize for black men because of history. Historically, white men have had access to black female bodies without the possibility of consent and black men often paid with their lives to even think about having access to white women. What impact, if any, do you think this has on your current view/gut reaction?

Paris said...

Before I state my opinion, Mr. Big digs sistahs? Well I'll

I am open to dating men of different races. I will not let a man's skin color deter me from developing a relationship with him if we have a chemistry and attraction that is undeniable. I have been on a date with a white man, and it's one of my top ten dates. He was a great guy and I had a great time, however due to my hectic travel schedule last summer, I was hard to keep up with (and someone else having my nose wide open) and we did not go on that 2nd, 3rd date 

In general, I'm not bothered when I see an interracial couple. Do what makes you happy! However, I can't help but feel some type of way when I see a Black man with a white woman, because I think of the Emmitt Till's and want to say "brotha do you know/remember what they did to you 40 years ago for even looking at her?" And he could truly be in love, so that’s when I realize that I shouldn’t feel that way. I do know some Black men who have told me that they'll "look but won't touch" white women, and they‘ve repressed those feelings due to how Black men were historically “punished” for interacting with white women.

TatooTuesday said...

"I'm here to de-program you, don't forget what they made your great grandmama do." Ice Cube, 2008, "Pressure"

I can't front, I don't care for interracial dating. It doesn't bother me to see a black person dating a Asian, Latino or any other race, but if it is a white person it bothers me. I don't like when I see black men do it, I don't like when I see black women do it. I have a aunt who is married to a white man and they have the best functioning marriage I have ever seen.

It does bother me, I guess because I have access to the boys club. So I've heard, about "fucking that hot black chick who hits the treadmill everyday at 7" downtown at Bally's. I've heard about how this chick reminds this dude of "said" porn star. I guess it is a power issue, that disturbs me. The power structure in a relationship with a black women and white man has "Masters Playtoy" written all over it. (Shouts out to Halle Berry) When I see a black woman and she is in a relationship with a white dude, it burns. Because I feel like, even if subconsciously, gave that white dude certain slack that the brothers don't get. I've ran into the sistah who only date white boys and all that shit.

Equally as disturbing, if not more are the brothers who only date white women. Yes, I will call you a coon if that comes out of a black mans mouth.

To be honest, white women were always withing my grasp. But I've never touched or "cut" one. Even in the strip club, I don't deal with white girls. I even call first before I go to find out how many black girls they have working there. I went to SIU in Carbondale for 3 years. Never touched a white woman and they were throwing it. Even after I joined the corporate world and they threw it even harder I never touched. I personal feel like it is a betrayal to my sisters to not give them all I have before I step out with "Becky Sure the valley girl" on my arm.

Que.P said...

I would probably date outside my race...probably. But it's already been a challenge to find date-worthy guys in my network, and I think the farther I move away from my network, the less likey I am to find compatibility.

Color has never exactly been on my "ideal man" list, but there is definately a kind of "understanding" that colored folk have in common, be it Black, Latino, whatever, in which case I can't exactly say that I would MARRY outside my race. In addition, my Christianity and my knowledge of Black history clash at the thought of being a submissive wife to a white husband. Hmmm...

But no, I don't have a "problem" with peopole who date outside their race. I do, however, have major issues with people who specificaly DON'T date a certain race of people. I once severed ties with a really good friend...ok we were a little more than friends...(a Black guy) who said he would never date me because I was Black. He admited that he'd had very little experience with Black women (one woman to be exact. a project chick in carolina), but he wouldn't let go of his strick "white women only" dating. With him, I honestly believe it was a power thing. Like maybe he felt accomplished because he overcame an obstacle that once would have had him killed. In addition, I think he was intimidated by Black women.

I will admit, when I see a Black man with a white woman, I often wonder what his story is (unless he's ugly and swagg-less). Did he just happen to find love in a white woman? Or has he given up on Black women period?

Kismet said...

I can't hate on interracial dating. ::points to self as product::

But on black-white dating....

Love whoever you love and whoever makes you happy. But it STILL feels suspect. On BOTH sides. Even when women i know who date white men seem happy, identity crisis is right--the dudes always look just a little bit suspect. Or the female looks like she's the cat that caught the canary and I'm always like--really? Cause black men are so bad? I've seen ONE couple pull it off and look and feel genuine. ONE ever. And that was only because HE was so down with or without a black woman.

Guess it says more about our interpersonal relationships than it does about specific love choices. Maybe if black men and women did better with each other, there would be less--not none, cause we know the standards of beauty are out there--but less inclination to flip the script.

MSJNT said...

I wouldn't mind a little milk in my caramel. I date exclusively black men, even married a black man. But I want to try to date outside my race just because I can. Yeah, there are some good brothers out there who could benefit from me being their boo. My problem is "Where are they??".

I was married for 8 years to a man who felt he that he could have his cake and eat it too. Then I met a man who I thought was sweet and kind. Found out later, that he was married and cheat on his wife with the girl who bust him out to me. I want a good matter what color he is or how much swagger he got. A man to love me with his whole heart is the one I want.

kay* said...

i'd like to think i have no issues dating outside my race but...having done so in the past...i have to admit there is always that little voice in the back of my head saying "50 years ago he wouldn't evevn be able to hold your hand in public..." or something like that.

i find the white guys i think are cute are usually the, for lack of better words, grungy/dirty looking ones (think brad pitt fight club, colin ferrell when he's not working...)and they all have the same look. so long as they are their race and not their race but think their black i don't have a problem. in the end, i'd just like to end up with someone who loves me and thinks i'm the flyest thing ever-lol.

but, i must admit-again-, like you when i see a black man with a non-black girl i'm like "huh?" (inside) but when i see a black girl with a non-black guy i'm like "good for you"

such is life.