Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Tea's Thought for the day...

Marriage is not an indicator of success and being single is not an indication of failure.

Just thought I'd put that into the atmosphere, because it seems that the rest of the world thinks differently.

I don't even feel the need [nor do I have to the time or energy] to elaborate right now. If you're brave enough to disagree with me, we can argue it out in the comments.

That's all.


Kismet said...

SALUD!!!! *raising a glass*

Reese Johnson said...

just for arguments sake, what if the reverse were true, marrige being an indcation of failure (ie, you settled, or dont have what it takes to be single, or are just afraid of being alone) and being single is a sign of success (ie, you are stronger than those that you think feel validated by being married) thoughts?

check my blog lol

antithesis said...

i agree and in some cases single-dom or -hood? idk. whatever being single is an indicator of having discerning tastes. most times it's by choice, not by chance.

T said...

@ anthithesis, I was struggling with the -hood, -dom thing too. I just chose to say being single so as not to confuse myself. LOL!

@ Reese, (for the sake of the argument) I hear you on the reverse, but the truth is you can be successfully married OR successfully single.

You can also fail at marriage or you could be failing at being single.

What I need people to understand and embrace is that marriage is not a synonym of success and likewise being single is not synonymous with failure.

Reese said...

im with that...

PBW said...

I always think of success in terms of my career and not my relationship.

When my work was going crappy, I felt like a loser despite being married.

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

I completely agree with you! No argument here! :-)

ThummyB said...

Ok - you already know how I feel about this issue, but here is just another thought (to play the devil's advocate). I think that some people view singleness as failure when they want to get married, but are not (not of their own choosing).

Does that make sense? One of the assumptions indicated within your post is that the woman doesn't want or hasn't been trying to get married. At least this seems to be the case with most 'non-black' women...if they want to get married, then they do, and if they aren't interested, then they don't and that is great.

However due to the cultural dynamics of being 'black in America', then it more often seems to be the case that many women are single by default (rather than choice). I still don't think that is a failure, but it is definitely not the same as saying...'I prefer and embrace my single life.'

T said...

@ thummyb, finally... a point I can argue with **insert grinch grin here**

"I think that some people view singleness as failure when they want to get married, but are not (not of their own choosing)."

This is the exact mindset I'm advocating against. I WANT to be a millionaire, to manage charity benefits and go horseback riding everyday, but the fact that I'm a professional business women with a GOOD job does not make me a failure, just because I'm not a millionaire yet. It doesn't mean I won't be a millionaire one day, it just means this is where I am right now and I'm going to embrace it until I get to where I want to be (rolling in the dough).

So stick marriage in where millionaire is above. Someone may want to get married, but that doesn't mean that being single makes them a failure. They just haven't obtained their goal yet.

We'll use weight loss as another example. Someone who starts off at 200 pounds and wants to be 150 pounds, is now 180 pounds. Is that person a failure? No, that's a person working towards a goal.

So my rhetorical question/challenge to anyone who thinks they're a failure BECAUSE they're single is what are you doing to work towards the goal of being married? If your answer is going to singles mixers, you're missing the point. You have to love you, embrace you, be by yourself, enjoy yourself, before anyone else can.

And so I'm saying "single" in and of itself is not a synonym of failure (whether you want to get married or not). Desperation is failure. Pity parties are failure.

Living life to the fullest single or married is success. Working toward obtaining goals is a successful posture.

I just want all my peeps (and readers) to position themselves to be successful and defining one's self by his or her marital status is bananas... to me.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

marriage and family is the bomb - if one is blessed to have either

kay* said...

hear hear!!