I think most of these are a "You had to be there" type of funny, but I promised... so here you go.
10. Low expectations dude: Can I buy that for you?
My girl: A $1.00 toothbrush?
Low expectations dude: Yeah, let me get that for you
My girl: Ok.
Hotel store attendant: *rolls eyes* that'll be $5. Pockets $4 and shakes her head at the thirsty dude.
9. Me: Coming out of a convenience store at the CTA
Old CTA Worker: I could have bought that [$1.00] donut for you
Me: Oh, that's ok
Old CTA Worker: 3 minutes later: Some coffee would go perfect with that [$1.00] donut
Me: I'm ok
Old CTA Worker: Are you sure, I'm just trying to help YOU out
Me: If I wanted coffee, I would have bought it for myself [in other words STEP!!!]
8. Loser: Excuse me, you dropped something
Me: Looking around...
Loser: My phone number
7. My girl: Texts a friend (probably while inebriated)
Wack Arnold Dude: You can't text me if you don't have my number
My girl: Oh ok
Wack Arnold Dude: So do you want my number
My girl: No
Side note: He was a cutie pie and did, in fact, get the digits, but the line was wack!
6. Thirstbucket Johnson: Do you come here often?
My girl: (Waiting in line to check in at our resort in the Bahamas) The Bahamas?
5. My boy: I have a woman
Thirstbucket Jenkins: I know you have a woman, I’m just trying to be your woman for tonight, hell just give me 20 minutes.
4. Thirstbucket Jones: Hey girl, what's your name? You look like you have some pretty feet.
My girl: *Looks at her boots in the dead of CHICAGO WINTER and shakes her head*
3. Lame Dude: I noticed you were looking at me
(No response necessary for that one)
2. I-couldn't-think-of-anything-better-to-say-dude: Do I know you from somewhere
Me: *Serious as a heart-attack* Broadview Baptist? Rock of Ages? AFC? Whitney Young? U of I? Maywood? Around the way?
Dude: Oh, I didn't really recognize you I was just trying to think of something to say
Me: Walking away... thinking next time, don't do that.
1. Overconfident dude: So when am I going to meet my future mother-in-law?
Me: When you meet your future wife.