Friday, October 3, 2008

Everybody's Top 10: Worst Pick Up Lines

I think most of these are a "You had to be there" type of funny, but I promised... so here you go.

10. Low expectations dude: Can I buy that for you?
My girl: A $1.00 toothbrush?
Low expectations dude: Yeah, let me get that for you
My girl: Ok.
Hotel store attendant: *rolls eyes* that'll be $5. Pockets $4 and shakes her head at the thirsty dude.

9. Me: Coming out of a convenience store at the CTA
Old CTA Worker: I could have bought that [$1.00] donut for you
Me: Oh, that's ok
Old CTA Worker: 3 minutes later: Some coffee would go perfect with that [$1.00] donut
Me: I'm ok
Old CTA Worker: Are you sure, I'm just trying to help YOU out
Me: If I wanted coffee, I would have bought it for myself [in other words STEP!!!]

8. Loser: Excuse me, you dropped something
Me: Looking around...
Loser: My phone number

7. My girl: Texts a friend (probably while inebriated)
Wack Arnold Dude: You can't text me if you don't have my number
My girl: Oh ok
Wack Arnold Dude: So do you want my number
My girl: No

Side note: He was a cutie pie and did, in fact, get the digits, but the line was wack!

6. Thirstbucket Johnson: Do you come here often?
My girl: (Waiting in line to check in at our resort in the Bahamas) The Bahamas?

5. My boy: I have a woman
Thirstbucket Jenkins: I know you have a woman, I’m just trying to be your woman for tonight, hell just give me 20 minutes.

4. Thirstbucket Jones: Hey girl, what's your name? You look like you have some pretty feet.
My girl: *Looks at her boots in the dead of CHICAGO WINTER and shakes her head*

3. Lame Dude: I noticed you were looking at me
(No response necessary for that one)

2. I-couldn't-think-of-anything-better-to-say-dude: Do I know you from somewhere
Me: *Serious as a heart-attack* Broadview Baptist? Rock of Ages? AFC? Whitney Young? U of I? Maywood? Around the way?
Dude: Oh, I didn't really recognize you I was just trying to think of something to say
Me: Walking away... thinking next time, don't do that.

1. Overconfident dude: So when am I going to meet my future mother-in-law?
Me: When you meet your future wife.


antithesis said...

NO WAY!!!! i am over here dying!!!! these were adult males that said this? wow....

Reese said...

7......he was cute though? FAIL....shit he was prolly light skinned too....hate hate hate lol
that was wack as hell, i for .00056 seconds felt bad to be a man

T said...

@ Reese #7 was a white couple, so no, he was not light skinned... not really. LOL!

kay* said...

lmao - oh my gosh. i'm cracking up over here! #7, #2 and #1 definitely take the cake. I must use #2 the next time someone asks me that-lmao. "when you meet your future wife" loves it. how you can think of something so witty so quickly is beyond me - i would be have said 'no.' ya, i'm that lame.

antithesis said...

you brought this on (this occurred last nite):
him: how you gonna call me if i aint in your phone?

Que.P said...

None of these beat what I experienced the other night. "I'm married but uh...YOU CUTE!"

So disgusted.

ThummyB said...

We could always add in the dude who offered to buy me a $1.00 personal item in the hotel convenience he was doing me a favor.

T said...

@ thummyb, that can def be #10. I forgot about that one.

And yes, anthithesis, these are adult males all over these great United States. LOL!

JOE CASTRO said...

note to self: all of my wack pick-up lines will now be done in sign langauge so that it doesn't make it to the internet.