Monday, September 15, 2008

Tea's Top 10: Reasons You're a Bad Parent

This is based on my observation of parents at my second job. I'm kinda serious, but these are sort of jokes. Don't go getting your feelings hurt and/or making comments explaining this ish to me and expecting an apology/revised post. I will respond to you with a Womp. AND I'm not going to change my mind when I'm a parent.

I actually only have nine, so if you come up with 10, I'll add to the post.

10. Your child is at the casual family outing dressed for kindergarten graduation, the church play or great aunt millie's funeral. i.e. wearing wedding dresses, tiny baby suits, ruffled socks and/or church shoes when the rest of the family is in khakis and Keds. It's just not right. (thanks Antithesis)

9. You're dressed like a pimp or whore during the family outing.

8. You let your child act a got damn fool explaining that he's gifted. He's NOT GIFTED. He's bad as hell and it's your fault!!!

7. Your adult child is in a stroller.

6. You break rules in front of your kids.

i.e. you tell me you and your kids are not going to stop standing on the rocks because of the safety hazard until the other family stops standing on the rocks. Real mature, grandpa. (When that happened I told dude to stop acting like a 10 year old and just get down like I asked him. He did.)

5. Your children have no manners.

Please and thank you are a given, but they also need to speak to adults and respect people in positions of authority.

4. You curse at your kids [in public, nonetheless] for doing things kids do.

Example: "Jimmy, if you step on my shoe one more m-effing time I'm going to smack the $#!% of our your ignorant @$$. "

3. You curse at other people in front of your kids.

Example: A man who was 8 families behind his own family in line (what the hell was he doing all the way back there anyway) to enter the building cursed at me when I wouldn't let him butt all the people who's tickets I was taking. I said "Sir, you'll just have to wait." He then butt all the people anyway and said "Or you can just get out of the FUCKING way." It was 9:30 a.m., he had a newborn baby on his shoulder and he knocked over 10-12 other people to get into a family photo with a superimposed dolphin. This dude had upset himself and was extra red and angry early in the morning and I couldn't care less. Yeah... I'm not going to miss that at all, but I digress.

2. If your child is obese.

Yeah, I said it. If it's not due to medication, then you're a bad parent. Get up off the couch and make those kids rake the leaves, go for a run, go swimming. Hell, if you just send them outside for 8 hours, they'll lose weight from sweating. Why do you think so many adults are fat? A bunch of them were fat kids and YES, IT'S THE PARENT'S FAULT!!!

1. Your child is on a leash

This ish is really out of control. They have monkey and bear backpacks for toddlers and the tail is actually a leash attaching the child to the parent. Worst than that, they have actual harnesses for children, with no monkey or bear to take you attention away from the fact that a parent leashed a dog -- er -- I mean child. To that I say: Grow a backbone. No way my mom would have put me or my brothers on a leash at any given time. The look she gave us was enough to know better than to be running off all willy nilly.


antithesis said...

you are a bad parent if your child is wearing sandals with those socks that have ruffles but they are not dressed up/going to church.

your top NINE were hilarious, but true.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

well said i wrote about the same thing last year. see u around one day again maybe and dont be a stranger

Reese Johnson said...

for number 3, was he white?

ThummyB said...

Well hell...I'll say that you're a bad parent if you have kids b4 you're ready, and then take out your frustration on them.

I saw a young girl at the doctor (maybe 18 - 22). She had a cute little son who was doing what kids do...playing. She wanted him to sit next to her and be still, but a 2 yr old is not really trying to hear that. She slings him up into the 'adult sized' chair next to her, orders him to sit still, and turns around and puts her head down. Well, 20 seconds later, of course, he has wiggled around, fallen onto the floor, and started crying. To my horror, she cursed at him, PUNCHED him in the forhead and threw him back into the chair. When she saw us all standing there w/our jaws gaping open, then she tried to comfort him and act concerned. It was a true shame.

ThummyB said...

@ already know the answer to that one.

kay* said...

lmao - this is HILARIOUS and the truth. hahaha i'm sure you've seen katt williams stand up comedy where he talks about parents with their children on leashes...hilarious!

kay* said...

@thummyb - lolol just read your comment. SO true - again, i reference Katt Williams who talks about parents being bad parents when they get mad at their children for doing children like wanting skittles in a groccery store...lmao. oh gosh - too funny.

T said...

@ reese, like thummyb said OF COURSE he was white.

@ Kay, I don't think I've seen that Katt Williams special (or I don't remember it), but I see I'm going to have to add that to my netflix rotation.

@ thummyb, I think 4,5,6 and 9 are all due to folks having kids before they're ready. Especially, #4. I can't believe she punched a two-year old in the head. That poor child... next stop: Juvi.

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

LOL!!! @ every last one of these!! I personally HATE it when parents curse in front of their kids. It just makes me cringe. Unfortunately, I hear this ALL of the time when I go home to Chicago. I don't curse so my kids won't have to be subjected to such foul language! heheheeheheh

Great post as usual!!

ThummyB said...

I'll say selfishness/immaturity is the EXACT reason that I can't have any kids right now.

I was chillin' w/a friend's niece and snacking on some skittles. This little girl asked me for some, and I gave her maaad side 'Who are you, and did you put in on this?' I knew right then and there that I needed to cool out on kids for SEVERAL more years.

Although I will say that I know a few parents that wait until nap time to break out the good snacks.

T said...

@ thummyb, my mom says the selfishness doesn't go away until you have a kid or are with child, so I think it's ok to want all your skittles. I don't eat around my nieces unless I bought extra for them (i.e. they have theirs and I have mine, ain't no dippin' in auntie's stash).

I am however, LMAO @ "did you put in on this?" That made my morning!!!

PheasantFukker said...

If you are a parent and tick more than 2 from my list then Heaven help us all