Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Girls Don't Do That

Side note: Happy Birthday Nita!!!

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So I went to the 8 a.m. service at church one Sunday. I had something to do for Sis. Elrod at 11 a.m., so I went to Sunday School and then had breakfast before helping Sis. Elrod out and running to R&P's for the Bears game at noon.

While partaking in the fluffiest (and most inexpensive) pancakes I'd ever had, I witnessed something that just made my heart drop.

There were two older ladies at the table with me in the church kitchen/eating area/fellowship hall/dining room/whatever. I'd say late 40s, early 50s, but they were sistas, so it's hard to tell their real age. There were two young girls with them. These girls were probably 5 and 6, 6 and 7, something like that.

The children finished eating and cleared their trays, threw their paperware in the trash, put the trays back and came back to the table like it was a cleanup relay race. Then they high-fived each other, up high and down low, so as to say good job.

I thought it was the cutest thing EVER. But then one of the old ladies said "What was that?" *insert old lady stank face here* The children, not knowing what they did wrong, looked at their shoes and said "I don't know." To which the old lady said, "you don't do that (referencing the high fives). You're little gurls. Gurls don't do that."

I'm sitting at the table indulging in some perfectly crispy bacon thinking WTH, old lady? What is it about clearing your own plate and congratulating your sister/friend for doing the same with a high five that is, indeed, unladylike? Kismet, I automatically thought about you and what you would have to say about this negative [and quite confusing] gender role that was assigned to these little girls.

It reminded me of how in my house (and many other Baptist homes in my area) girls couldn't "date" until they were 16, but boys could "date" at 14. If every parent had the same rules, then who exactly do these parents think their 14-year old male children are dating... each other? Then when parents find out about these teenage love affairs the 14-year old girls get in trouble for being "fast," "hot," "loose," or whatever other term you can come up with to mean female child slut. But the boys are free to continue trying to play hide and go freak and the like because they're "just being boys."

Oh, this cooks my grits in an Al Green kinda way. I am not open enough to think that men and women are equal, were created equal or will ever be equal. (Sorry activists, I just don't agree with that). What I am, though, is logical enough to think that the rules governing girls and boys and men and women should at least make sense.

Older women, and maybe even black women in particular are so protective of younger women that when they try to do what's best for young girls, they are usually setting them back, stifling their creativity, putting fear in their imaginations and ultimately setting them up for a fall.

I know my grandmas had fits when I didn't wear earrings and it's not ladylike to swear and I should always make sure the men have something to eat before I make my own plate and I should wear lipstick everytime I leave the house and chipped nail polish or biting your nails is tantamount to a federal felony and I shouldn't sit on boys laps (hehe), etc, etc. But, seriously, can someone please tell me what is wrong with girls high-fiving each other?

I suppose they should have done a curtsy when they got back to the table, huh?

P.S. Tomorrow I have another topic about black mothers (which you aren't going to like at all, so please stay tuned).

9 comments:

Reese said...

(obviously) I am a man, and I an so sick and so tired of our societal (is that a word) double standards against women. I mean the same regard i hold myself to i hold everyone to with no basis for sex.

I cannot seem to get the rest of this thought together so i will just leave it at that..

p.s. did anyone else see the FOOL that was made this morning on the news? that Balfor cat who may or may not have killed J huds people, his mom was on tv talkin about, mr stroget better get her check ready, she has seen bentleys but now shes gonna drive one. (???!!!) What thee hell???

ok ill stop blog jacking and get back to my house (lol)

Mrs.Young_fashion said...

Society is always going to show their double standards regarding male and female. Older people especially are going to hold on to what they were brought up with. I've heard in the past that high fiving had some kind of pagan origins, can't particularly remember how at the moment, but I too was told not to high five by my grandmother.

Can't wait till tomorrow.

antithesis said...

get outta here! those women had to have lost their minds. there is nothing wrong with what the girls did. like you, i thought it was cute. very cute and they did the right thing cleaning up after themselves. my kids, girl or boy, are getting high fives on the regular. i think it's good for their self esteem. i look forward to your post 2morrow.

T said...

@ Reese, I did see that crazy woman. That's how I KNOW her son did it. If your mom is that crazy, I wouldn't put anything past you.

ThummyB said...

I have never heard of a high five being a bad thing, but who knows what's going on in an old person's mind.

I think that old ppl are set in their ways, rightly or wrongly, so I don't too much concern myself with changing them...but rather with trying to be a good example of what a good/positive/strong/etc woman in this day and age should be.

For example...my grandma still thinks that women should straighten their hair and keep it long. I remember when my mom cut her hair in to a really cute/short style...she tells my grandma 'Hey mama. Did you see that I cut my hair?" My grandma replies "That's alright. It'll grow back." It didn't even occur to her that my mom WANTED her hair this way. She completely thought that it was some sort of accident.

Anyway, I let my grandma think what she's going to think, and I do what I want to do anyway. Hopefully I balance out her old-school preferences. I would assume that the mother(s) of these little girls do the same. Grandma says 'don't high five'...mom is giving you a fist pound.

Product Junkie Diva said...

This is really news to me, because I had never heard of any issues surrounding the high five.
can't wait until your post for tomorrow.
PJD

TatooTuesday said...

You should've asked that old lady, are you gonna curtsy the people in the nursing home when you make it to the bathroom before you go in your Depends. You old buzzard, looking like esther from Sanford and Son looking ass.

I know, I know... but I despise old people. I'm gonna be the coolest old man out. Just like George Daniels and the people in the club at Howard's homecoming.

Cris said...

OK there are too many LMAO points in this story to list so I will just comment this time.

I feel you on the double standard thing but it is what it is. Everyone will hold men and women to some type of double standard, I don't care what you think. It may be clothes or jobs or sex but there is something that all people would have double standards for when it comes down to gender.

for instance, how many people would "embrace" a video on uncut full of men in thong bikini's while washing a car and rolling in the suds??? I am sure that some women may enjoy it, but it really would not be "acceptable" by a lot of people. Although this is normal for our women to do these days. Just one example I could think of off the top of my head.

I think it was cute too (the little girls not the men in thongs, LOL). I am wondering if they were my two little girls because they do the same thing, I swear they do all the time, I could picture them as you said it.

PyT said...

Wow! Good thing the girls didn't engage in a fist bump (I mean our future President and First Lady did, and Michelle is as classy as they come).

I agree with Thummy B, old folks are set in their ways. However, besides age, being from the old school, Baptist, Apostolic, etc. I wonder if being from DOWN SOUTH has anything to do with it. I feel like older folks from the South are just really men being gentlemen and women acting as ladies.

@ Reese: I cringe everytime I see that woman. She's an absolute NUT!