Friday, August 15, 2008

Tea's Top 10: Apparel Problems at the Club

Below find the top 10 problems I had with people's attire at the club last night. Yes, I was bored enough to spot all of these problems and remember them. And peep the post time, Yes, in lieu of going to bed, I decided to write this immediately. Don't hate.

10. Wearing rhinestone shoes with a cotton dress... WHY!?!?!

9. Wearing sunglasses in the club (it bears repeating)

8. Wearing a motorcycle jacket when you don't have a motorcycle

7. Wearing Bill Cosby sweaters, even if they are a name brand

6. Dudes wearing smedium shirts, but not even on purpose. Like they put their shirt in the dryer by mistake and put the shirt on, then left the house, like oops, I guess I should have worn a longer shirt.

5. A cotton rock-a-wear tube top one-piece short set (actually it was some fake brand, but it could have and should have been rock-a-wear) with leopard sandals (the shoes were actually cute though, just not with that makeshift jogging suit).

4. Putting your intimate fat on public display. What's intimate fat, you ask. Well people can look at someone and see she's big, but half the chicks tonight decided we should all play a game called how many yards of fabric do you think she has between those rolls? That, my friends, is intimate fat. That SHOULD be between them, God and their bed sheets. The rest of us didn't deserve that. WEAR LOOSER CLOTHES!!!

3. Super short, flimsy fabric, skin tight dresses. They're not cute on ANYONE. Tell a friend.

2. Furthermore, wearing a skin tight dress when your skin is NOT tight. I saw two H.A.M.S walk past the club and I was so happy that they were going to another party. [I don't like wack looking people to be in the same place I'm partying. It sends the wrong message to onlookers.] They both had on itty bitty dresses, but they were overweight and spiling out of them. Complete with panty lines showing (cause I guess they thought it best not to wear a thong) and then the fat spilling over the tops of their panties (cause frankly it had no where else to go) and their feet packed up into some stillettos like people pack onto a 146 CTA bus during the morning rush hour. Then, much to my dismay, they turned around and came to go where I was going. ICK! The moral of this story is, if you MUST wear a skin tight super short dress... how about you spend six serious months at the gym first. How 'bout that?

And the number 1 problem I had with people's attire last night is:

1. A white blazer with Jeans and a button down shirt... Usher called, he'd like 2003 back.


Reese Johnson said...

1. A white blazer with Jeans and a button down shirt... Usher called, he'd like 2003 back.

im so dead hahahhahahahahah, i just got OJ on my damn tie, this made my morning and i like the CTA reference (i actually do know about the 146 lol) and im gonna have a smedium on tonight! on purpose though LOL

antithesis said...

lmao, brutal but true! my thing is do they know what they are doing is wrong? like i have days where i say, "i know this is sorta wrong but i dont have anything else to put on and it's not THAT bad". some of those are major offenses.

Reese Johnson said...

uh not really on the smedium though, ill prolly be in the house playing madden 09

Paris said...

@ #1: I thought dude was going for that good Phillip Michael Thomas from Miami Vice look. Still horrible though.

@ #5: Girl, it was South Pole. :-/

@ #7: Dead.

I think what it boils down to is that all those folks need real friends in their lives. I would hope my people would look out for me to ensure I don't go out in public looking a H.A.M.

Reese Johnson said...

i mean these chicas that come out the house lookin wrong do have friends, the problem with them is their friends prolly got the same wack ass outfit in another color, birds of a they have friends, just ones with similar taste

Anonymous said...

The white blazer is a timeless Miami classic... but people should keep in mind that you really can't rock it anywhere, people like T just won't understand.

ThummyB said...

LOL...see all the things that I miss when I decide to work late.

Ah well! I wonder what tomorrow's adventures will hold...

kay* said...

LMAO - usher want's his look funny! i gotta agree with you on these though - they would've had me thinking 'what the hell?' but the one that gets me the most is sunglasses in the club? 'wtf?' i don't think i'll ever get it. it's already dark and shaded - i just don't understand.

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

LOL! @ your #1 - That is sooooo 2003/04!!

I too hate shades at's just dumb and screams, "LOOK AT ME, I'M COOL!" LOL