Monday, August 25, 2008

Tea's Top 10: Annoying Business Jargon

Happy Monday folks. Now that you're back at work and procrastinating already let's talk about the office. Every office is different, but we all use business jargon. Though I use these little sayings, and they prove purposeful and useful, generally speaking, they tend to annoy the hell out of me.

Here are my top 10. Feel free to add the ones from your place of business.

10. Moving Forward/Going Forward
Tea's translation: You've effed up, next time get it right

9. Areas for growth/development
Tea's translation: Places where you should generally just stop effing up

8. Key Learnings
Tea's translation: A 'key learning' is a place where 1) we should stop effing up as a team or 2) we told someone it wasn't going to work in the first place, but they didn't believe us and made us do it anyway and now we have to explain for the second time why it didn't work and why it won't work in the future

7. Realized favorability in the budget
Tea's translation: We have a lot of money left over

6. Cost-prohibitive
Tea's translation: Too expensive

5. Sounds good
Tea's translation: Ok

Side note: Where I'm from, the phrase 'sounds good,' is not a positive phrase. For example in a sentence: "He's talking a good game and it 'sounds good,' but he's not backing it up with anything." So imagine my disgust when I'm at work and about 2 years ago this little phrase catches on to mean, ok, got it, I understand, I'll handle, I'll do, etc. IR-RI-TA-TING!

4. Double entendre
Tea's [ENGLISH] translation - Pun OR Play on words

3. Take the charge as in "Tea, can you take the charge on this project?"
Tea's translation: Do it.

2. Best,
Tea's translation: I don't know how the hell else to end this note and "Sincerely" is way to stuffy so I'll just put one annoying word here that really doesn't mean anything, followed by a comma before signing my name.

1. Please
Tea's translation: Now

Jargon Example: We've realized favorability in the 2008 budget. A key learning we can take from this is that we'll have more space for other projects in the future. Tea, can you please take the charge on revising next year's budget?

Best,
Manager

Tea's translation: We effed up this year, stop effing up immediately, Tea, start fixing the ish for next year now. That's all I have to say.

7 comments:

ThummyB said...

Here is my new fav...

**said to the entire Chicago office**

"As we head into FY09, we want to remind you that promotions are not simply based upon years of experience. We realize that in the past this may have appeared to have been the case. However, promotions are granted to individuals who have performed at the next level consistently throughout the year...and of course based upon resource needs."

Translation: "Now that the economy is tight, we didn't do as well as we expected this year. As you can expect, it's time to start trimming the fat. Only those of you who have been doing your bosses' job for them (and excelling at it) for the entire year will get bumped up...even then not all of you all are going to make it b/c we just don't have enough spots. Good luck, bitches!"

ThummyB said...

This just in...business jargon transitioning into the home life.

Me: Hey co-worker! How was the flight to Cali w/the new baby?

Co-worker: It was really good. We had some lessons learned on the flight out. The key take away was that you should make sure to use the fresh diaper as a protective barrier when changing a dirty diaper at the gate. We were able to leverage that info for the flight home.

T said...

Thummyb, you're kidding! You absoulutely must be joking! L-M-A-O!!! I might have to forward that to my office homies with the name and details changed.

ThummyB said...

Dead serious!

antithesis said...

LMAO for real! this is why i cannot wait to get this degree and possibly avoid the majority of this for the rest of my life. i can tolerate it for the next 2 or so years but for my career? naw.

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

OMG!!! LOL!!!!!!! @"Moving Forward!" My co-workers and I laugh all the time at our Managing Editor who says this every chance he gets. I LOVE YOUR TOP TEN LISTS!!!!!! :-)

Krystal Cormack said...

OMG! Leverage... is THE WORD. Also, please send your e-mails (must use hyphen) by COB Tuesday. (It took me a week to figure that out.) I'm still translating e-mails from the week I started because I didn't understand the jargon. And don't even mention up-talking as a way to make everything sound less aggressive! Wonderful blog post!