Monday, July 28, 2008

Tea's Top 10: Kids & Strollers

Happy Birthday Grandma!!!

Side note: I survived the jam-packed weekend. Thanks for your prayers, I definitely felt them. AND Batman was worth all the sleep I lost watching it.

Now... today, in honor of all the ginormous kids I see every weekend in strollers, we're going to go over the top 10 reasons your kid should not be in a stroller:

10. If your child has a beard, he should not be in a stroller.

9. Once your child loses his or her virginity, you should stop pushing them in a stroller.

8. If your child is in high school, believe me, they're not lying when they say the stroller embarrasses them.

7. If your child is taller than you, no matter how tall you are, you should not be pushing them in a stroller.

6. If your son keeps getting out of the stroller and insisting that you let him walk, he should have never been in the stroller in the first place.

5. If your daughter knows how to compact the stroller better than you, does it when you all go from one place to another, can pick it up and walk away, then she shouldn't be in the stroller ever again.

4. If your son's knees are hitting his chin while sitting straight up in the stroller, guess what, he shouldn't be in the stroller. Let that grown man walk!

3. If your daughter has blisters on her ankles where the stroller wheels keep hitting them, then she should be able to walk on her own. Give that stroller to someone who's kids are NOT in high school.

2. If your older child in the stroller can change the younger child's diaper, then one of them needs to be walking with you. Let that double stroller go.

1. If your son, gets out of the stroller and pushes it himself with toys or your shopping bags in it, then you know you're wrong for making them sit in the stroller in the first place. Get a granny cart for bags and stop pimping the stroller.


antithesis said...

this was a much-needed post because surely i saw a girl who has her license in a stroller at the mall this weekend.

Reese Johnson said...

them shits just for lazy parents, see they bring that stroller cause they really dont want to bring the kids cause they know when the kid gets tired they either have to carry them or go they ass home so they cart that big dumb ass stroller around and proceede (spelling) to piss me off, and if i see one more mexican child in a wedding dress and soccer shoes.....ima.......oohh...

ThummyB said...

Ok - I will say this in defense of toddlers in strollers. I was talking to some moms, and they were saying that if they have to be out walking with the kids for an extended period of time (I guess over an hour is a long time for a little person), then they need to have a place for them to sit and ride when they get tired and cranky. They were saying that even though little Johnny is big enough to walk, he's not going to handle walking through a mall or in a crowd (when you have to be there for some time) very well. I guess its either let him/her sit and sleep when they get tired or deal with whining, crying, pestering and possibly a tantrum until you give in and head home.

Anonymous said...

Let me educate the childless, since I have two. And my oldest child can walk, and does so very well, and I STILL put her in the double-stroller next to my 2 1/2 month old. Here's why:

Because my 1 1/2 year old doesn't know how to act in public. Plain and simple. She likes to snatch clothes off of the racks in stores. She likes to fall down in the floor and throw a tantrum when I'm ready to move on and she is not. She likes to hit people and run. She likes to scream loudly when I try to pinch her on the sneak and tell her to be quiet and behave. And she has already learned how to yell "Switch Switch" every time I pull it out in a public place; not loud, but just loud enough to make nosey white people curious.

That's why I put her in the stroller. I strap her in, slap her upside the head with blessed oil, and pray that the combination of rolling quickly, and the Mississippi heat will put her to sleep.

Stop hating on strollers, T. LOL If it wasn't for strollers, my children would never see the light of day.

And on behalf of all of the moms, I want to apologize to all of you cute, single wanches who shop in stilettos, tube tops, and skinny jeans. Sorry I 'accidentally' ran into you with my stroller. It wont happen again. Really.

T said...

@ Krystal and thummyb, nothing about this post is about toddlers... strollers are for babies and toddlers, I'm not hating on that at all. (Kennedy might be taller than you though, since you responded, in which case, yes, I am hating)

I'm hating on people with kids old enough to smoke and buy beer in strollers. If someone gets up out of a stroller and is taller than me, then like Reese said it's just a case of lazy parents.

I know for a fact, my mom didn't have me in a stroller when I was too tall to be in it. And I was VERY well-behaved. I didn't even get a lot of spankings. She just gave me a look. I give that same look to my nieces and they definitely know what's up. WHEW, I CANNOT stand misbehavin' children!

Reese Johnson said...

"I'm hating on people with kids old enough to smoke and buy beer in strollers."


T we prolly will both have big ass kids in strollers when/if we get there lol

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

HILARIOUS!!!!!!! You could get a second job as a comedy writer. This list is just too funny!!