Today we're going to discuss other people's boyfriends. Other people's boyfriends piss me off.
This is a long one, but worth the read, in my humble opinion.
Background: Families are the foundation of everything. No matter your religion, race, country of origin or even your language, the thing that equalizes all of us is a family. (This is loosely based on my observations working at Chicago's #1 attraction, which attracts people from all over the world daily). Everyone, no matter how dysfunctional, has a family. In order to be alive you HAVE to have mother and a father. Despite the black community's obvious problem with stand-up fathers, biologicallly speaking, at the very base of human life we're all the same.
In American culture in order to procreate, to start a family, you have to start way further back with a *sigh* relationship. We'll speak in perfect terms first... So in perfect terms boy meets girl, girl and boy "fall in love" with each other, girl and boy get married, have unprotected sex, have a baby, love it very much and groom it to follow the same pattern. This is the stuff families are made of and families are the lifeblood of our nation.
Now in real terms girl meets boy, girl stops calling all her girlfriends because said boy is now THEE single most important thing in girl's life and she must spend every waking moment with him. Boy breaks girl's heart (not to mention her hymen, self-confidence, bank account, etc, etc). Girl leans on her girlfriends during this tough time... "Do they still serve chicken at KFC? Yes, of course. You should go... OH you wanna go with me? Well... we haven't gone together in the past two years because there wasn't enough space for me, you AND your boyfriend, but since I'm notoriously and eternally single, sure I'll go with you. I'm here for YOU and don't you forget it."
This pattern continues for years and years (or relationships and relationships) until girl meets a boy who doesn't break her heart and inevitably wants to spend the rest of his life with her. [In case you hadn't noticed the whole life partner thing is the boy's choice. Girls don't get to pick who they want to spend their lives with. They just confirm or deny requests.] Girl then proceeds to ignore her single girlfriends, because they're in different places in life and/or because her husband is now her best friend and thus she's outlived the need for a #1 homegirl. She's also cleared out the mental capacity for girlfriend activity and replaced it with baby factory dreams. ***eye roll***
Now to the topic at hand: As the notoriously single friend who is extremely loyal and just a bit too honest, I'm always leaned on to help pick up the pieces of arguments, break-ups, basically bullshit in its most general AND rarest forms. No girl ever takes into consideration the hurt I may have felt when they dropped me like last year's beat down flip flops in order to entertain the boy in their life. No girl ever considers that in order for her boy to be her best friend, he's got to take the place of the best friend she already has.
And so today, I'm pissed at people's boyfriends not because I miss QT with my boo-ed up girlfriends (though I do), not because every new relationship with a boy is a quiet search to replace a girl (which it is). TODAY I'm pissed because these boyfriends, with their attractive faces, hard bodies and ability to procreate with a woman DO NOT have my girlfriends' best interests at heart. No these pretty muthasuckas are in it to win it... breaking hearts and taking names. They piss me off because any attempt to point out ish that just ain't right, request more QT girl time, or even make three company results in me (and many other well-intentioned women) seem bitter, jealous or lonely. I'm pissed at them because my girls are like family to me and to hurt family is a figurative death wish.
I have to wonder who created this model? Who said "Spend your entire life building same sex relationships, then completely disregard them for opposite sex relationships in order to create a family." Don't most people, by way of friendships already have all the family they need? I could look up the research on nuclear families, but just based on my personal observations, there has to be more to life. There's a reason that 60% of marriages in this country fail. I don't know what it is exactly, but I'd take an educated guess that a large part of the problem is people putting all their time and energy into marriages, resulting in disintegrated friendships and other famial relationships. It's probably not normal, natural, healthy nor God-intended for relationships nor marriage to take that sort of beastly charge over people's lives, but somewhere along the way we've gotten it mixed up.
A married girlfriend told me to remember that being married is just one PART of the sum of things that make her whole. I'm certain she'll be in the 40% that gets it right.