I'm chillin' in the Atlanta airport, waiting to get on my flight to Dallas. I figured I'd use this time to catch up on some blog entries that have been sitting in my drafts.
I already told you how I feel about getting married because you're pregnant. (I think it's bananas). So I thought I'd share my general feelings on marriage for anyone who's interested in reading them.
I think marriage is an awesome, sacred life event ordained by God (or whomever you call your higher power). I think two truly become one and after you're married, when God looks at you, he sees your spouse as well.
I think marriage is serious business. Marrying for citizenship, kids, money and even love seems like a bad idea to me. I think marriage is less about being "in love" and more about making a commitment to spend the entire rest of your life with another person. Marriage is less about loving how someone makes you feel and more about being with someone who's values line up with your own.
You've never really made a commitment like the one you make to your spouse to anyone - not even the rest of your family. Maybe you FEEL like you'll be with your parents and/or your kids until the end of time, but you didn't stand before God and everyone you love and pledge that commitment.
I also don't believe in divorce. I don't judge other people for getting divorced, to each it's own, but like Simmore said in Queens of comedy, "you ##%K with me, you stuck with me." The ONLY thing someone could do to make me divorce them would be to physically abuse me or to abuse alcohol or drugs. Truth be told, I believe there's deliverance from these problems as well and if the other party is willing, I'd even stay married after these horrible tragedies have happened.
On that same note I also think the traits that cause someone to be abusive and addictive behaviors are present WAY before these actual actions start, so I'm not saying it's your fault it happened. I'm just saying it's silly to expect someone to change because they got married.
I read articles and hear people talking saying stupid stuff like I got a divorce because: "My wife wasn't the person I feel in love with... my husband didn't treat me the way he used too... I realized that that wasn't the person God wanted me to be with... etc... etc." What's is wrong with people's ability to keep a promise, a vow actually? It's baffling to me.
The [most common] vows say for BETTER or WORSE. I would say that abuse, addiction, money problems, obesity or just plain "not being in love anymore" all fall under the category of WORSE. I think people are very caught up with the idea of marriage and many people have never experienced a successful marriage without divorce, so their idea of marriage is a fairy tale (complete with a platinum wedding).
Also, my last opinion about marriage is that money is WAY more important than love. Look up the statistics. People divorce more about money than ANY other thing. So I'm not saying it's important to marry someone who's rich or wealthy. I'm certainly not saying you should be on some Anna Nicole type stuff either. I'm saying it's important that your money values be similar, if not identical to the person you're marrying.
You're getting ready to become one in the sight of God, the IRS, Transunion, Experian AND Equifax. You need to be with someone who's going to uplift you and not bring you down.
If you want to be wealthy (leaving enough money to sustain two more generations of your family) and you understand the work that goes into it, you may have a problem marrying someone who just wants to be rich (ballin' out of control while they're alive). And the reverse is true as well.
I just want people to be realistic, stop worrying about being lonely outside of a marriage and imagine what it would be like to be lonely in a marriage, before pledging their lives and livelihood to someone who just happens to make them feel good.