Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I'm a line magnet

So I'm at the club with my boy and his boys in Dallas. No one has noticed or made mention of my picnic shoes, I had a drink in hand and the DJ was semi-jammin', so I was feelin' pretty good about myself. I'm dancing and all of a sudden a line of people trying to get from point "A" to point "B" is right around my backside.

I pulled my boy to the side and let him know, "Sorry, I'm a line magnet." It doesn't matter where I stand in the club, people will always flock to me and form a line. Me and thummyb have adapted body language to deal with the problem. We have not completely figured out the reason for this phenomenon, but have theorized that there are two related causes for this line magnet effect:

1) We believe in personal space. People assume that personal space [six inches on all sides homie!] is an open invitation to walk through us. It's not.

2) We're bourgeois and don't like people touching us... hence our belief in personal space.

For your reference, the adapted body language includes:

A) Stop dancing when someone comes by
B) Move slightly when someone comes by, when they pass you get back to dancing
C) Trade spaces with a friend who doesn't believe in personal space to make for a more enjoyable club-going experience
D) Dance on the wall or with a table or corner behind you

Or to avoid the situation altogether you could:

E) Dance in the VIP section
F) Stay at the bar
G) Only go to house parties (we employ this method heavily during Chicago winters)

Back to the story: So my boy noticed my adapted behavior and surmised the reason people flock to me is actually because of adapted behaviors A,B & C. To test his hypothesis, he suggested to keep dancing or dance harder when people come by. I believe in science, so I figured we could try out his experiment. His hypothesis was wrong. It resulted in several different beverages - including beer - spilled on my party shirt and tall men and fat girls stepping on my picnic shoes (and pedicured toes).

I, surprisingly, didn't get an attitude about it. Could be maturity. Could be my representative showing up when she knows she should be around. I dunno.

We tried another hypothesis. Instead of finding a spot to dance in that was previously empty, we went smack dab in the middle of the dance floor. Like in the thick of the sweaty folks, exactly where you DON'T want to be. The line still came through. RIGHT BEHIND ME.

Now that my theories are false and my boy's hypothesis didn't even make it through one night at the club, the last reason I could think of, which is probably the most accurate is that the phenomenon occurs because my butt is flat. People see an opening like a wall and figure that's the best way to go.


antithesis said...

your club stories are trip. i have similar experiences when i got to club (one of the reasons i dont like the club) just not as chronic as you. people are so rude about how they walk past or through you and your friends. i always find myself saying, "no, im not standing here..." because people are always trying to walk through me, even when im not in the club. there are some times when i honestly think i go invisible.

ThummyB said...

LOL! Your butt is not 'that' flat. I think the personal space piece is the main issue. However, one of our favorite techniques is to close whatever opening folks are trying to make a passageway. Sometimes it works...other times they just find a new opening.

Ms.Deb said...

Gotta luv your stories T...but I feel you.People are just rude in the club...doesn't matter where you go or what side of the club you are on. Party-goers are going to make sure they squeeze by that open/closed space..just to get through.Makes no sense.