Thursday, April 10, 2008

They've Got ALL the questions...

Nina: So you've got all the answers, huh?
Darius: No, just all the questions...

I'm not even going to cite that line from a classic movie (because you should know it), but today we're going to talk about questions.

Well meaning people ask women, in particular, stupid, ignorant and/or rude questions and we really just want to reply "WHY?"

However, that would make us seem like mean and ungraceful women, so we refrain. It may also offend an elder, make us lose our jobs, make our moms slap us in the face (as an adult), etc, etc.

Well, thank goodness for this blog. Today I'm going to entertain 3 or 4 of these extra irritating questions and the answers I (or my friends who I've discussed the topic with) would give.

1. When did you graduate from college?
Why? You really just want to know how old I am, don't you. I could be your age, I could be much older than you, I could be much younger than you. It's really not any of your business when I came out of school. Just know that I went to school, I graduated and by some unfortunate circumstance I'm now standing in the same room with you.

2. So do you think he's going to pop the question when you go [insert exotic vacation location here]
No. I actually hadn't thought about it. But thank you, kind friend, for putting the spirit of expectancy and anticipation in my heart. Do you know how long it took me to get this man to agree to get on a plane, let alone on a couples vacation? He's thinking about how we could have saved money and just went to Wisconsin Dells and you got me over here thinking he may have put three month's salary down on a ring to propose to me for our FIRST vacation together. Yes, thank you, dear friend, for being so inquisitive.

3. So when are you going to have a little one?
Well, we've only been trying to have a kid for the past SIX years. It's really none of your business, but since you asked, Dr. Patel said my husband is sterile and I'm barren. Our chances of "having" a little one are zero, but we've been praying, hoping for a Sarah-Abraham type of miracle. Can you pray that God will get him up and send some free eggs my way? Thanks inquisitive friend, you've really brightened my day.

4. So when are you going to get married?
*Sigh* I'm actually quite happy single, but thanks for asking. Oh... you really want to know. Well, we're in a church for my sister's wedding, so why don't you ask God yourself. Or better yet, since you're in a question/answer type of mood, let me ask you. Do you have a single straight attractive nephew between the ages of 25-35, with a bachelor's or master's degree with good credit, his own home, job security with a retirement package, high self-esteem and a hybrid car? If he's not ONE of my exes's frat, relatives, play cousins or friends AND he's not sowing his single oats with half the women in any given city AND he's looking for someone JUST LIKE ME AND wants to marry her in the next two years instead of just living together, then I'd say... I dunno... maybe in the next two years.


antithesis said...

LMAO!!! you are too much!!!! how is it that your responses are pretty much exactly what's in my head? instead of saying what i'm thinking, i just give people a blank stare. i wonder if they think im slow and if so, if they would refrain from continuing to speak to me

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!!! I agree with all of them. Especially the kids one. My husband and I have only been married 3 years and we're under 30 and people are constantly asking us, so when are you going to have a baby??? I really find it quite rude and off-putting and simply none of their business!!!

Great post!

ThummyB said...

Let the church say Yay-men!