Let's talk about it...
(Sorry this post is so long, but I think it's worth it.)
Jay and B did the damn thing! I am so happy and excited for them and wish one of their publicists would just quit and do a tell all book (would never happen).
Anyway, rumors are swirling around that Beyonce's pregnant and that's the reason for the super secret nuptials. I could believe that. She's been dodging the paparazzi like crazy and you all KNOW B loves the cameras. You also know the bloggers love to claim folks are pregnant, so if she so much as has indigestion, they'd say she's carrying.
If she's not pregnant, I'm happy they got married. If she is pregnant, then she is added to the scores of people I getting ready to have a conversation about if you keep reading...
If you don't like controversy, please stop reading. Now I'm destined to offend someone with what's about to follow, but I'm not going to apologize for my opinions. I am, however, open to intelligent conversation and if someone says something to change my mind, then I'll reconsider my position.
In 2005 Maryann Reid published "Marry Your Baby Daddy." It wasn't just a fictional novel. No September 29, 2005 was "Marry Your Baby Daddy Day" and 10 couples got married in all expense paid weddings as a part of the promotion of Reid's book. Reid, among many others, [myself included] feel that children have a better chance for a successful life in America in a two-parent household.
Where Reid and I disagree is that it has to be YOUR parents heading that two-parent household. I know a long time ago, if a couple got pregnant, that couple got married. Maybe it wasn't even that long ago, maybe it was the 80s. (I don't feel like doing statistical research right now). But we'll just say for, at least, the past 3 decades, getting pregnant doesn't necessarily mean you have to get married.
WHY THEN in 2008 are people rushing down to aisle because someone got pregnant? I cannot count how many people I've heard about recently doing shotgun weddings. It always goes the same way...
Me: Did you know such as such got married? I didn't even know he/she was engaged.
A friend: Is she pregnant?
Me: Naw, people don't do that anymore... do they?
A friend: You should check into it.
Me (checking into it)
Source: Oh yeah, she's due in [7-8 months after the wedding date]
Really, people? Is everyone in a rush to go to divorce court? They must be, because getting married for the wrong reason (in this case, because of a child) is the easiest way to get there. I'm all about a two-parent home, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Sometimes one of the parties involved is an alcoholic, addict, physically and/or emotionally abusive, uneducated or just not financially or mentally prepared for the hardships of marriage.
Newsflash: Marriage is not a cakewalk.
If I get pregnant out of wedlock, should I rush down the aisle and subject my child to the problems that arise from me and the father's issues in a marriage rather than subject them to single parenthood (weeks with me, weekends with daddy and vice versa)? I shouldn't and I won't, but apparently shotgun weddings are what's hot in the streets lately. Apparently rushing down the aisle because you forgot to wear a condom, take your pills or shot or apply your patch is back En Vogue in 2008.
Here are a few rebuttals that I assume people will come up with and what I have to say to them.
1. They were going to get married already
- If that's the case, why weren't they engaged already? Why weren't they married already? Also, if they were going to get married already, what's the rush? Unless someone is terminally ill or going to the military, if you're seriously planning to spend the ENTIRE REST of your life together and happen to get pregnant, why not wait until after she has the baby. You're not fooling anyone (i.e. Solange Knowles).
Now, to be fair, I will say that some people know the baby is going to take a toll on their funds and don't want to be fat and preggers on their wedding day, so they sit down and discuss getting married sooner rather than later for practical purposes. If these people are really serious about being married and don't end up in divorce court, then I'm not really talking about them...
2. My parents got married because they were pregnant with me and it turned out fine
- My parents DIDN'T get married when they got pregnant with me and it turned out better (for all parties involved)
3. Children do better in two-parent households
- Children are more hurt by divorce that single parenthood (in my opinion, but I'm open to statistics to the contrary)
I could go on and on. My point is, the blessing of a child is a beautiful thing, a gift from God that you can't control. But MARRIAGE, MARRIAGE is a sacred event where two become one. In this country, you CAN control who you marry. Just because the sperm and egg came together, it doesn't mean that you are supposed to become one with the person who helped you create that beautiful child. (Depending on who's coulds and shoulds your point of view is taken from, you shouldn't have had to opportunity for the sperm and egg to get together in the first place, but I'm not trying to be the pot...)
I just wish people would think past tomorrow or next year into the serious future. While being happily married will benefit the child, if you got married for the wrong reasons and end up getting a divorce, you're doing more damage to the child than having parents who aren't married would do.