Sunday, July 30, 2017

This Inspiration Here...

I just read something that I think is going to change my life for the better.

Do you read Fair God Boss? If you don't, you should. It's all about working women and how to make work better for women. Almost every article I see on there is clickable. I get the email updates and there's always a profile on a dope woman telling her story.

I forgot who the woman was (And I don't have time to search the site to figure it out), BUT she was a working mom and her perspective was dope. She said she had to throw the word "balance" out of the door as in work-life balance. And instead at the end of each days she asks herself "are you satisfied."


Let me tell you why this is life changing for me.

Balance to me, indicates some fair split. I will work a fair amount of time and I will spend a fair amount of time with my kids and it's just never enough. I can never spend enough time at work. I can never get enough of my kids.

But some days I need to work more. And some days I need to snuggle with my babies more. And the contents and circumstances of each day dictates which I choose and at the end of MOST days I am satisfied with the choices I made about how that day played out.

If I spend too much time thinking about balance (T, you worked 4 wknds in a row, you're failing your daughters) or (T, you had 3 dr's appts for the girls on 3 consecutive Fridays. you're failing your team at work), then I could put myself in a never-winning situation. But if I say hey, are you satisfied with that presentation you completed by the deadline, despite listening to your babies cry while you did it? Or are you happy your babies are developing according to their charts and thankful that you have insurance to pay for those visits, then the internal conversation I'm having with myself is MUCH more positive than the work-life balance one.

Thank you, unnamed woman (ok, she was named, but I forgot) for dropping that gem on me. As soon as I find the article I will share widely on social media.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

15 Months

Thank you online newsletter for reminding me that my babies are 15 months today. They are SO much bigger than they were as infants, but still teeny tiny babies. I haven't posted in damn near three months, so here's all the things they do now. (And I likely will have missed some milestones, but whatever).

- They are WEANED! That's right, this dairy farm is closed. I sleep all night y'all. Life is good.
- They eat real food, not pureed. Grownup food and snack. Cray cray.
-THEY! BOTH! WALK! And confidently honey! They have moves to make.
- They say some words. Joy just loves saying names and hi and hey. Lahna does all of that PLUS mimicks. If you say "say XYZ" she's going to try like hell to say it. Joy will just look at you and say hey.
- They communicate their wants and needs without saying words. They want Cheerios for dessert, they point to the top of the fridge. They want to go outside, they bring me my shoes and their shoes. They step outside to 90 degree humid weather... they turn around and come back in the house. Two nights ago Joy picked up her bath towel while I was changing Lahna, politely put it on top of the toilet seat, proceeded to go turn on the faucet (She can't reach it) and started beating on her baby bath tub. I guess she was feeling less than fresh at that moment. Too many 90 degree backyard trysts for my love.
- They disrespect child proofing. Joy has figured out how to pick up the gate. On many occasion, Lahna will be behind the gate and Joy's on the other side. She just picks the gate up, like Come on sister, I busted you out of baby jail. It's SO! FUNNY!



Anywho, my little people are little people and it's fascinating to watch. I shouldn't be surprised, but every single day they do something new or different or adult-like. For example, yesterday one square of a rug was turned up and Joy turned it back down... you know... because it was out of place and toddlers care about things being in order.

I'm having so much fun with this at this age. We love to play together. I thought 6 months was my favorite age, but 15 months might be a close second. They are a true pleasure.

So twin parents when people tell you "it gets better" and you, like me, say: WHEN? I'd say at about 13 months... or so.

Til next time!

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Played Myself

Posting this here because every time I post something on Facebook, people think I am looking for their advice. I'm not. I'm just sharing.

And my Twitter followers are like 1000 fake folks who I used to do brand work with across a plethora of clients. They like me because I give them free stuff not because they really care (pessimistic, I know. Fight me.)

Also, have a I really not posted in a month. Honestly, if I get to 12 posts this year, it'll be a miracle.

On to the story at hand...

So Joy has slept in her own bed for two straight nights without any coaxing from me. If you recall, in November, BOTH girls began sleeping through the night and my life improved significantly. At some point, Lahna wouldn't sleep in her own bed. That's still sleeping through the night now. Now she's sleeping all night and in her own bed. Great.

However, in January, I think, Joy started getting up in the middle of the night and wanting to nurse. This is clearly a comfort feed. This child will be on my breast all night. She gets up at 12 or 2 or 4 and will suckle until I get up for work at 6 am. SOMETIMES, I can push her little butt off of me, roll over and be VERY STILL and get 1 hour of sleep. But I just gave up on trying to put her in her bed if I wanted to get any amount of rest.

Also, another thing that happens is that I fall asleep nursing them. They are generally done around 9:30 p.m. and I need to get up, clean the kitchen and sterilize bottle. I typically pass out until midnight, 1 a.m., 2 a.m, whenever. Then scoop up the little munchkins into their crib and then do my chores. 

Well, for the past 2 nights without any fussing or fighting, Joy has slept in her own bed. I actually wake up at 6 a.m. discombobulated because I expect a child to me in my bed and she is not.

I had work to do after I nursed them tonight, so I decided that TONIGHT was going to be the night I wean them from night feedings.

Me: you're going to drink this bottle in your crib and go to bed.
Joy: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddddddddddd

Me: you're going to drink this bottle in your crib and go to bed.
Lahna: Thanks Mommy for that pre-boob snack, now where's the good stuff?

Hmm... Maybe we'll wean from bedtime nursing ANOTHER DAY. I should have just been happy with them sleeping through the night. How dare I try to take any additional parts of my life back. How dare I?

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Maintenance is impossible right now...

When you're working remotely and they forget to dial you in... "free" time to write a blog.

Maintenance is so hard for me. I used to be high maintenance (and I didn't even realize it). Someone put up a "add up your maintenance" post on FB. 3 was low maintenance, 50 was high maintenance. I scored 0. I really want to get my life and my look together, but when it comes to things I need to make time for, getting my brows done means being late to relieve my nanny or not cooking food for my kids or taking time away from work (and I can't lose my job over some damn eyebrows), but mostly I'm just too exhausted to schedule anything that not a necessity. Hence, yesterday's nightmare.

- I had a dream last night that I was on a work trip likely in L.A. in my tank top that I nurse in. It was off my shoulders like a tube top. I also had on black yoga pants and was out at a client (or maybe coworker) dinner. There was a flamboyant, horribly rude, bougie/sedity, waiter who wouldn't serve me or address me properly. So I pulled him to the side and said "what's your deal?" And he's like "it's not you, it's how you look. For God's sake, pull yourself together." So then I snapped on his ass and said I can't be great at home AND be great at work and look good. Something has to give.

- Then I told my coworkers what happened and they acted like they had no idea I looked a MESS. And then I started crying, which I HATE to do in front on coworkers. I can never tell if it humanizes me or if it makes me look weak or if it makes me look unprofessional. Either way, it was a break in my wall and it devastated me.

- So then jerk face waiter comes over, he's all excited. It's Friday. He felt bad about what he said and he's booked me for a salon appointment on Tuesday for me, and it's free and of course, his company wants to get credit for helping an overtired single mom. But then I was like "touching, but I have to go home and feed and care for my babies." And he was so appalled/surprised that I turned it down. And I was hurt because I REALLY wanted to get my hair done, but alas, Mommy duty calls.

- I woke up from that dream so angry. So many real emotions in that fake nightmare.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Baby Decisions

My children will be 11 months tomorrow. WOW! I'm not posting their 11 month photos because that begs the question what am I doing for their 1st birthday and the short answer is nothing (in comparison to what everyone else is doing) and I can't deal with the pressure of the question (much like what are you doing for NYE), nor can I deal with the disappointment from people who really think I have my shit together enough to plan an elaborate 1 year old's party. I don't.

Anywho, the last few months my babies have been growing leaps and bounds. They are so independent-minded. Like, they REALLY know what they want to do and not do and they share that info with me often. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised that I am raising little opinionated babies, but I am surprised. I'm shocked at how many decisions they can make at such a young age. Things they have decided as of late

They both decided: 
- Who they want to hold them and/or be near them. There's nothing funnier than a 10 month old flicking your hand off of their body. My kids are like I'm sorry, do I know you? BACK! UP!
- They will no longer stay still while I change their diapers. They will do everything in their power to lunge OFF of the changing table (Which is really just a dresser with a changing pad on top of it), and as such, they've decided that Mommy should have high blood pressure again watching them trying to leap to their demise.
- They WILL hold the phone when we talk to friends and family on Facetime. So what if it's upside down or only showing their forehead. They don't care. 

Lahna decided: 
- No one can touch her face. This results in scream sessions when we try to get food and/or boogers from her sometimes very dirty face. She's always been like this, but now she has a punch and kicks to back up her likes and dislikes. I get abused often.
- To move to the beat of her own drum. This child watched Joy crawl on all fours for months while just lying there or doing the cutest little roll-scoot. In one day, she began crawling on all fours AND standing without assistance. She's like I've watched Joy fall enough. I will do it differently.
- That she will really let her personality shine OUTSIDE of the house. Whenever Lahna is around other kids, she is very vibrant and playful and sort of acts just like Joy to me. When we're in the house, she is reserved and chillin'. I guess she feels like she doesn't have to put on any shows for Joy.

Joy decided: 
- Last night, she decided she will no longer wear loose pants. She just stepped right out of them and rocked her diaper and sleepshirt. Listen, I don't like wearing pants either, I feel her.
- This morning, she decided that when she's done peeing, she will take her diaper off. I mean, just pulled one side, then the other side
- She decided that she will now turn the light off with her pointer finger (vs. her whole hand) and she will do it the entire time she is on the changing table vs. when it's time for us to leave the room.
- I think I posted this already, but Joy decided that she's no longer going to sleep in her own crib all night. She will fake sleep for 45 minutes to 2 hours, then wake up SCREAMING until Mommy nurses her back to sleep. She will also nurse for um... the entire night because Mommy will inevitable fall asleep and is too tired to pull this active baby off of her boob.

Any little human make any decisions that surprised you? Please share!

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Tea's Tangents: Can My Days Suck Less

  • Yesterday, I made a dumb mistake at work. I apologized. Figured today will be better. 
  • Left 5 minutes late to fix said mistake, still didn't fix it. The way rush hour is set up, that resulted in me being 30 minutes late relieving my nanny. I feel like crap about that. 
  • My children no longer sleep through the night. So after feeding them cooked food, nursing them to bed, washing and sterilizing bottles I crawl into bed. I got 49 minutes of sleep, then Joy got up. Nursed her and put her back in her crib. She woke up two more times. Then Lahna woke up, which means from about 12 a.m. until about 5 a.m., I got up 4x in the middle of the night. That's not sleep. That's torture. 
  • I had a full day to work on a presentation. Only one meeting. This never happens! I spent 3 hours this morning on it, then decided to work on a smaller project. That small project included me losing a file on our shared drive and spending 90 minutes with IT looking for it. We still haven't found it. 
  • I go back to finish my presentation and someone else's work saved over the work I spent all morning doing. 
  • I'm working from home, so I decide I need some hug therapy from my babies. They are both coming down with colds and cranky and clingy and I'm just imagining that I'll have to soon take a day off to soothe them when I'm already backed up at work. 
  • On Sunday, I went out with friends for the first time since I've had my babies (so 10 months). This resulted in me not being able to do as much baby food prep as I wanted on Sunday night and now every night in between being completely exhausted, I also feel guilty that I took three hours for myself, that I should have been spending getting the babies' stuff together and they don't have well thought out meals ready during the day while I'm at work or at night while I'm home. 
  • I know that I'm supposed to focus on the fact that no one in my family is chronically ill and that's what really matters. So then when I have sucky days like this (Which, let's be honest is like 5 out of 7 days of every fucking week), then I feel bad for feeling bad about them because they're not AS BAD as they could be. 
All people ever tell you when you have a new baby or new twins is "it'll get better." Dear People, When? 

Monday, January 30, 2017

You Win Some, You Lose Some, But You Win Some More!!!

It's Monday

Before I arrived at work

Today's wins
- I made it to work "on-time"
- I changed and fed my daughters and showered before I left
- My Lyft driver waited for me
- I bought disposable coffee cups at Target yesterday, so that I can take coffee from home and not spend money in the streets
- I remember to pack my breakfast and lunch. 

Today's losses
- I woke up late, so I had to pump and give the babies a bottle rather than nurse. 
- My nanny was late, which resulted in my Lyft driver having to wait
- I forgot to put on my tank top, which keeps me warm while I'm pumping in the office
- I forgot the electrical plug for my milk pump, so that I can pump milk at work.
- The lunch I packed was spoiled, so I still had to buy lunch.
- I left my cup of hot coffee in my disposable cup on the counter
- I couldn't get my sweater over my head in time after pumping and I was late to a conference call.

After I arrived at work

More wins
- The host is also late AS HELL to this meeting, so no one noticed. 19 minutes late to be exact (enough to let me write this blog.)
- There's another woman who pumps at work and she keeps her pump in the mother's room and so I could use her electrical cord. Shout out to the monopoly that Medela has on breast pumps that made my loss, not so bad.
- This other mother also has a heater in the mother's room, so I didn't freeze my nipples off pumping milk
- While I was out getting lunch, I found a place nearby with vegan cookies AND cupcakes.
- The babies were less fussy after not being woke up before I went to work, so this is like the first step to weaning and it wasn't all emotional like I expected. It kind of just happened. 

Friday, January 27, 2017

Oh, to be Cocky

I think to be a working mom, you have to be just a little bit cocky. To think that you can manage a household, nurture two humans and manage clients and teams at work without dropping the ball (or appearing to drop the ball) on any of those things takes a woman with some unmitigated gall.

Who do I think I am, #OnToday?

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Valentine's Day

OMG! It's in two weeks. It's going to take me that long to find outfits, gifts and come up with photo shoot ideas. Ooh wee, I'm behind.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Scream Free Parenting

I'm listening to a webinar called "Scream Free Parenting." I don't want to be a mean, angry mama. And sometimes I'm a mean, angry person, so it's not like it's going to just stop because I have babies, so this webinar piqued my interest.

Like many things on this blog, this is more for my future reference than your present entertainment. :)

Some key points:

- Being more emotionally separate from our children. They are individuals. We cannot manage their outcomes. We are resources to our kids, but they can manage their own lives (To a point, for example a 5 year old can tie his own shoes, don't do it because you want to do it.)  

- Don't put your anxiety on your kids. Like if you're rushing them out of the door because you don't want to be late. Just let them get themselves together and provide consequences for lateness, but you don't have to get all worked up and scream at them about being on time.

- Don't tie your emotions to their actions. If you tell them to brush their teeth and they don't, and you get all worked up, then they expect to only do things when parents are worked up. Provide sound consequences, but don't lose it. When you lose it, the child gets caught up in your feelings, actions, emotions rather than their own actions or inaction.

- Being Calm Parent is tied to raising self-reliant kids. If you get all worked up, they will expect that level of anxiety to get anything done. Then we're you're not breathing down their backs, they won't perform/deliver. 

Boundaries - she mentioned a GANG of them, but I couldn't type them. Will link the blog post when they post it.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

All Figured Out...

I figured out a way to excel as a working twin mom. I just need to eliminate eating, sleeping, pumping and personal hygiene from my schedule, then I could do it all... wait.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Yahoo! Finance...

Lord, I was a full day late, but that just means that people had time to gather all of the best memes/Tweets.

S.S. Deadass had me in TEARS!

Thank you internet, thank you.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Having a Baby is Hard...

I'm saying this because I think people this it's simple. It's so common that I think people who don't have kids or never been in the birthing room or never really had real conversations about it take it lightly.

Mothers could die given birth. Mothers have died giving birth.

AND some moms get sick AFTER having kids. I had two trips to the emergency room and one unplanned doctors visit in the two weeks after having the twins. Not to mention the extra day I had to stay on the labor floor because I had post-baby complications.

Our bodies are wonderful, but not teflon.

I'm just saying this because I'm hoping people without kids can start to be more sensitive about what they say. Janet Jackson is 50. She just had a baby.

All people can talk about is when she is getting back into rehearsal for a concert. Sure Teyana Taylor has bounceback from the GAWDS! And even performed while pregnant, but I think for like 80/90% of moms pregnancy is hard and having a newborn is hard.

And the idea that Janet needs to be in rehearsal is the same idea that has people without kids thinking maternity leave is a vacation.

Our bodies need to recover. We need to bond with (and breastfeed our babies). Pregnancy and motherhood and not to be taken lightly just because they are common.

I hope that you will take what I'm saying to heart and not just call me sensitive or write it off. We have to stop with this super woman rhetoric and let moms be moms first and everything else second.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Hello 2017!

I am so happy for a new year, new beginnings, new opportunities and fresh starts. I used to sit in church and listen to the preacher on 12/31 talk about how bad the year was and how your next year will be better. And I always thought, this ain't really my sermon. My year was pretty solid.

Well, I'm glad I sat in church all those years storing up those sermons for a year when I needed it. I made it to church twice this year. Two different churches and the babies were with me both times so I didn't really get to focus.

Side note: what is the purpose of taking babies to church? Besides all the nasty people kisisng and touching them, there is no way for young parents to praise God or focus on the Word while trying to get infants to be still and/or quiet. ALSO, infants don't want to be still and/or quiet. I guess if you're less uptight than me, you could drop your kids off in the nursery with all the other [germ-infested] kids and going to church would be like a 2-hour break.

That's something to keep me in mind for my future. I might drop these little buggers off and go home and take a nap. #FreeChildcare. Anyway, I digress.

As I was saying. I'm glad I sat in church all those years and I was able to recall those sermons because that message was for me this year, honey. I'm so happy to see 2017. I feel like my life is going to get easier (are toddlers easier than infants though? Maybe I played myself.)

I wish you so much love and peace and joy and contentment and happiness and prosperity and just calming of the mind in 2017. I wish the same for myself.


Saturday, December 31, 2016

Can I Pro-Rate My Donation?

Dear Obama for America,

IF you could go back and make 16 weeks of maternity leave 100% paid in 2016, so that I didn't have to use my savings on living expenses while I was home with my children... Also, if you could address the high cost of healthcare, especially for someone who got hit with two bills for birth and double co-pays for everything the twins do, THEN I would have extra funds to donate to all of the ills of the world that you are in my inbox about DAILY.

- Marriage Equality
- Global Warming
- Keeping Democrats in Office

As soon as I get my prorated check, I'll hit y'all up with a donation.

*eye roll*