Monday, January 30, 2017

You Win Some, You Lose Some, But You Win Some More!!!

It's Monday

Before I arrived at work

Today's wins
- I made it to work "on-time"
- I changed and fed my daughters and showered before I left
- My Lyft driver waiting for me
- I bought disposable coffee cups at Target yesterday, so that I can take coffee from home and not spend money in the streets
- I remember to pack my breakfast and lunch. 


Today's losses
- I woke up late, so I had to pump and give the babies a bottle rather than nurse. 
- My nanny was late, which resulted in my Lyft driver having to wait
- I forgot to put on my tank top, which keeps me warm while I'm pumping in the office
- I forgot the electrical plug for my milk pump, so that I can pump milk at work.
- The lunch I packed was spoiled, so I still had to buy lunch.
- I left my cup of hot coffee in my disposable cup on the counter
- I couldn't get my sweater over my head in time after pumping and I was late to a conference call.

After I arrived at work

More wins
- The host is also late AS HELL to this meeting, so no one noticed. 19 minutes late to be exact (enough to let me write this blog.)
- There's another woman who pumps at work and she keeps her pump in the mother's room and so I could use her electrical cord. Shout out to the monopoly that Medela has on breast pumps that made my loss, not so bad.
- This other mother also has a heater in the mother's room, so I didn't freeze my nipples off pumping milk
- While I was out getting lunch, I found a place nearby with vegan cookies AND cupcakes.
- The babies were less fussy after not being woke up before I went to work, so this is like the first step to weaning and it wasn't all emotional like I expected. It kind of just happened. 

Friday, January 27, 2017

Oh, to be Cocky

I think to be a working mom, you have to be just a little bit cocky. To think that you can manage a household, nurture two humans and manage clients and teams at work without dropping the ball (or appearing to drop the ball) on any of those things takes a woman with some unmitigated gall.

Who do I think I am, #OnToday?

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Valentine's Day

OMG! It's in two weeks. It's going to take me that long to find outfits, gifts and come up with photo shoot ideas. Ooh wee, I'm behind.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Scream Free Parenting

I'm listening to a webinar called "Scream Free Parenting." I don't want to be a mean, angry mama. And sometimes I'm a mean, angry person, so it's not like it's going to just stop because I have babies, so this webinar piqued my interest.

Like many things on this blog, this is more for my future reference than your present entertainment. :)

Some key points:

- Being more emotionally separate from our children. They are individuals. We cannot manage their outcomes. We are resources to our kids, but they can manage their own lives (To a point, for example a 5 year old can tie his own shoes, don't do it because you want to do it.)  

- Don't put your anxiety on your kids. Like if you're rushing them out of the door because you don't want to be late. Just let them get themselves together and provide consequences for lateness, but you don't have to get all worked up and scream at them about being on time.

- Don't tie your emotions to their actions. If you tell them to brush their teeth and they don't, and you get all worked up, then they expect to only do things when parents are worked up. Provide sound consequences, but don't lose it. When you lose it, the child gets caught up in your feelings, actions, emotions rather than their own actions or inaction.

- Being Calm Parent is tied to raising self-reliant kids. If you get all worked up, they will expect that level of anxiety to get anything done. Then we're you're not breathing down their backs, they won't perform/deliver. 

Boundaries - she mentioned a GANG of them, but I couldn't type them. Will link the blog post when they post it.

www.debbiepincus.com
Debbie@debbiepincus.com

Thursday, January 12, 2017

All Figured Out...

I figured out a way to excel as a working twin mom. I just need to eliminate eating, sleeping, pumping and personal hygiene from my schedule, then I could do it all... wait.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Yahoo! Finance...

Lord, I was a full day late, but that just means that people had time to gather all of the best memes/Tweets.

S.S. Deadass had me in TEARS!

Thank you internet, thank you.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Having a Baby is Hard...

I'm saying this because I think people this it's simple. It's so common that I think people who don't have kids or never been in the birthing room or never really had real conversations about it take it lightly.

Mothers could die given birth. Mothers have died giving birth.

AND some moms get sick AFTER having kids. I had two trips to the emergency room and one unplanned doctors visit in the two weeks after having the twins. Not to mention the extra day I had to stay on the labor floor because I had post-baby complications.

Our bodies are wonderful, but not teflon.

I'm just saying this because I'm hoping people without kids can start to be more sensitive about what they say. Janet Jackson is 50. She just had a baby.

All people can talk about is when she is getting back into rehearsal for a concert. Sure Teyana Taylor has bounceback from the GAWDS! And even performed while pregnant, but I think for like 80/90% of moms pregnancy is hard and having a newborn is hard.

And the idea that Janet needs to be in rehearsal is the same idea that has people without kids thinking maternity leave is a vacation.

Our bodies need to recover. We need to bond with (and breastfeed our babies). Pregnancy and motherhood and not to be taken lightly just because they are common.

I hope that you will take what I'm saying to heart and not just call me sensitive or write it off. We have to stop with this super woman rhetoric and let moms be moms first and everything else second.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Hello 2017!

I am so happy for a new year, new beginnings, new opportunities and fresh starts. I used to sit in church and listen to the preacher on 12/31 talk about how bad the year was and how your next year will be better. And I always thought, this ain't really my sermon. My year was pretty solid.

Well, I'm glad I sat in church all those years storing up those sermons for a year when I needed it. I made it to church twice this year. Two different churches and the babies were with me both times so I didn't really get to focus.

Side note: what is the purpose of taking babies to church? Besides all the nasty people kisisng and touching them, there is no way for young parents to praise God or focus on the Word while trying to get infants to be still and/or quiet. ALSO, infants don't want to be still and/or quiet. I guess if you're less uptight than me, you could drop your kids off in the nursery with all the other [germ-infested] kids and going to church would be like a 2-hour break.

That's something to keep me in mind for my future. I might drop these little buggers off and go home and take a nap. #FreeChildcare. Anyway, I digress.

As I was saying. I'm glad I sat in church all those years and I was able to recall those sermons because that message was for me this year, honey. I'm so happy to see 2017. I feel like my life is going to get easier (are toddlers easier than infants though? Maybe I played myself.)

I wish you so much love and peace and joy and contentment and happiness and prosperity and just calming of the mind in 2017. I wish the same for myself.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Can I Pro-Rate My Donation?

Dear Obama for America,

IF you could go back and make 16 weeks of maternity leave 100% paid in 2016, so that I didn't have to use my savings on living expenses while I was home with my children... Also, if you could address the high cost of healthcare, especially for someone who got hit with two bills for birth and double co-pays for everything the twins do, THEN I would have extra funds to donate to all of the ills of the world that you are in my inbox about DAILY.

- Marriage Equality
- Global Warming
- Keeping Democrats in Office
- EVERY DAMN THING ELSE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME PERSONALLY

As soon as I get my prorated check, I'll hit y'all up with a donation.

*eye roll*

Thursday, December 22, 2016

The Resentment...

Y'all pray for me. I am SO angry that I have to work through the holidays AGAIN. Last year, I worked through the holiday (while big and pregnant) because I wanted to save up my days to be with my babies.

THIS YEAR, I'm working through the holidays because when you go on maternity leave your vacation and sick days are used up first. So two years with no holiday vacation.

And people who actually take breaks dump all their stuff on you, so it actually ends up being a VERY busy week. 

And I know people are like "but you had 16 weeks of paid vacation time for maternity."

First of all, all of that time wasn't paid. I wish people knew the facts before they spoke.  

And it was 16 weeks of torture with two little terrorists who didn't even damn smile for the first 6 months of their lives. They just shit all up and down their backs and mean mugged me.

It was not all inclusive drinks at a resort in Jamaica.

It was not peaceful.

It was not relaxing.

It was not stress free.

It was not fun.

It was meaningful and necessary, but a vacation, it was not. 

I saw someone say they think maternity leave is a relaxing break because the moms they've talked to catch up on Netflix & DVRed shows while they are home. Well, I cannot leave the house because there's two humans hanging from my tits at all times and I can barely walk because my vagina is ripped open, so I think watching a couple of episodes of House of Cards is ok, but it's wasn't a fucking vacation.

Maybe moms on maternity leave should be forced to stare at the walls blankly to prove to others that our maternity leaves are valid.

I digress.

Got damnit, I need a break.

And since my days roll over in 2017, I SHOULD have taken off the first week in January, but I didn't have the foresight. Most days I can't think past the weekend because, you know... twins.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

What?

I just saw a headline that says "mom defends her decision to spend $2K on 300 gifts for her gifts for Christmas." Um... how did anyone KNOW she bought 300 gifts and spent $2,000. You can do whatever the hell you please for your kids.

The #realissue is you bragging about it on social media. If mogs would just log off, no one would have to defend anything to anyone.

Those types of stories cook my grits.


Friday, December 2, 2016

Hey Girl Hey!

So I get like 20 views (AT MOST) of my blog every day. If pressed, I think I could tell you exactly who those 20 folks are.

But for the past month or so, my blog has been getting like 500 views a day. Hey new people! Who are you and where did you come from? Announce yourselves.

Also, if someone linked me to their blog and brought all new readers, can you let me know?

I'm sure there's a way to figure this out on the back end, but I don't want to spend that much time. This is a hobby for me and a release, not a business. I don't want to do too much "work" for it.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

That Took FOREVER!

I posted my work schedule, so you all know I don't have any free time during the week. And I've posted about my apprehension about leaving the house as a twin mom on the weekends. As such, getting things done takes FOREVER. I recently Tweeted on my public Twitter that being a mom makes me feel mediocre because from the time I have a thought to the time I complete an action is about three weeks.

Below I charted it out this one task in particular. Pre-babies, I could have gotten thi sdone in one day, or worse case scenario, one weekend. Now, it's more like a month or 5 weeks. It feels horrible to a Type A person like me.

10/22 - A friend in Chicago gave my mom a bag of winter clothes for my girls.
10/24 -  My mom ships the clothes to me
10/26 - I receive the clothes and realize there are too many cardigans, jackets and snow suits to fit in the babies' three Ikea drawers
10/30 - Find this on Pinterest as a way to store things in my small home.
10/30 - Buy the Ikea Lack shelf on Ikea.com
11/08 - Buy 25 hot pink velvet hangers for this shelf that is not up yet 
11/09 - Receive the Ikea Lack Shelf (Ikea shipping is slow as hell, but it beats trying to pack up twins and go to Ikea and/or paying someone to watch my kids, so I can go to Ikea)
11/10 - Receive hangers from Amazon 
11/12 - Order the Ikea rails from Amazon (Ikea doesn't make it anymore and it was hard to find for some reason. I probably also forgot that I needed the rails, once I had ordered the shelf.)
11/14 - Received the Ikea rails
11/18 - Borrow a drill from Paris (someone buy me a drill for Christmas, please)
11/20 - Attempt to put up this shelf and realize I need a studfinder AND a screw set. Ikea doesn't send the screws because "walls are different." I try to order a studfinder for pickup at Home Depot. They're all out, so I order a studfinder on Amazon (the one Home Depot said was most popular)
11/22 - Receive studfinder
11/25 - (Black Friday) - Attached the rails to the shelf, attempted to find a stud with our stud finder. Didn't find anything. 
11/26 - Asked building maintenance if they had a more expensive, more powerful stud finder. They said they would come up and take a look, then they said that's not really in their job description, so just hammer the wall. (We are not DIYers, we need an actual tool to find a stud) Broke down and got a handyman on Thumbtack.com
11/27 - The handyman told us that our walls are plaster. THAT would explain why the studfinder didn't work. Finally got this friggin shelf up! I'm so proud of it!!



Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Mama Bear

I am very much mama bear. I am protective of my chidren. I kind of take offense to the term over-protective. Like, it's my responsibility to love, feed and clothe them and keep them safe and comforted. How could I overdo that? Whatever.


So my rage comes out when I feel like someone has hurt my baby or is getting ready to hurt my baby. Unfortunately, that someone is usually the other baby. Go look at yesterday's post to see what they do, but these children could seriously injure each other if I left them too close together and turned my head.

And they move. They're not crawling yet, but they roll and scoot. So I could put them on opposite sides of the room and they'll still end up head to foot, kicking the crap out of each other. So I hear one baby wail out in anguish and I scoop her up, comfort her and then look at the other baby like "WHY would you do that to your sister?"

And then an hour later, it flip flops.

And my boyfriends like "she didn't mean it." And I'm like, I don't care, she hurt my baby. And it sucks to be mad at a 7 month old, but I'm a real person with real feelings and when you see a scratch on your baby's face and you know she didn't do it to herself, it's like witnessing child abuse. Wouldn't you be mad at a child abuser?

Twins will take you to another place. I just want to put Michelin Man suits on both of them to stop them from beating each other up.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Family Time

Building off of yesterday, I'm not going home for Christmas. I can't afford it financially and I can't deal with the stress of having two infants on a plane. I'm also concerned about their health comfort. Babies have schedules. My kids don't go to church. They don't go to daycare. They're not around a lot of folks all day. It's me, their dad, the nanny, Paris and anyone who flies in to see them (and if you live in Brookly, you may as well have flown in, LOL!)

So I know I am making the right decision to manage my anxiety and stress, but I am sad to be missing my first Christmas at home. Mostly, I'm concerned about the peer pressure. It's only a matter of time before people start asking my holiday plans. And I will have to fake smile and say "oh, we're just keeping it lowkey at home this year." OR...

I will be honest and say I can't handle the stress or financial burden of going home for the holidays, so we're making due with what we have.

Both answers give me hives. I don't want to be fake, but then I don't want people to feel sorry for me.

This is a big part of why I hate small talk. What does it matter what I'm doing for the holidays or how my weekend was (it was pretty boring btw, I went nowhere and did nothing, but at least I didn't have to work.) It's like, can we just talk about work and keep going.

When I was in Pittsburgh though, I did enjoy getting to know my coworkers better. They were SO friendly and things moved so slow. It was inevitable.

Anywho, I'm not coming home. I don't want to talk to everybody about it. I'm very sad about it and I'm going to try to choose to be happy about it, by making my baby's first Christmas special. (But then go back to yesterday's post and you'll know I don't know exactly HOW I'll make their first Christmas special and that too, stresses me out.)

I think it's clear that I need a break (that I'm not getting).

I don't have any days off work thanks to maternity leave. BUT, my mom is coming to visit, so that we can relieve our nanny during the holiday, so I definitely have something to look forward to.