Thursday, January 12, 2017

All Figured Out...

I figured out a way to excel as a working twin mom. I just need to eliminate eating, sleeping, pumping and personal hygiene from my schedule, then I could do it all... wait.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Yahoo! Finance...

Lord, I was a full day late, but that just means that people had time to gather all of the best memes/Tweets.

S.S. Deadass had me in TEARS!

Thank you internet, thank you.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Having a Baby is Hard...

I'm saying this because I think people this it's simple. It's so common that I think people who don't have kids or never been in the birthing room or never really had real conversations about it take it lightly.

Mothers could die given birth. Mothers have died giving birth.

AND some moms get sick AFTER having kids. I had two trips to the emergency room and one unplanned doctors visit in the two weeks after having the twins. Not to mention the extra day I had to stay on the labor floor because I had post-baby complications.

Our bodies are wonderful, but not teflon.

I'm just saying this because I'm hoping people without kids can start to be more sensitive about what they say. Janet Jackson is 50. She just had a baby.

All people can talk about is when she is getting back into rehearsal for a concert. Sure Teyana Taylor has bounceback from the GAWDS! And even performed while pregnant, but I think for like 80/90% of moms pregnancy is hard and having a newborn is hard.

And the idea that Janet needs to be in rehearsal is the same idea that has people without kids thinking maternity leave is a vacation.

Our bodies need to recover. We need to bond with (and breastfeed our babies). Pregnancy and motherhood and not to be taken lightly just because they are common.

I hope that you will take what I'm saying to heart and not just call me sensitive or write it off. We have to stop with this super woman rhetoric and let moms be moms first and everything else second.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Hello 2017!

I am so happy for a new year, new beginnings, new opportunities and fresh starts. I used to sit in church and listen to the preacher on 12/31 talk about how bad the year was and how your next year will be better. And I always thought, this ain't really my sermon. My year was pretty solid.

Well, I'm glad I sat in church all those years storing up those sermons for a year when I needed it. I made it to church twice this year. Two different churches and the babies were with me both times so I didn't really get to focus.

Side note: what is the purpose of taking babies to church? Besides all the nasty people kisisng and touching them, there is no way for young parents to praise God or focus on the Word while trying to get infants to be still and/or quiet. ALSO, infants don't want to be still and/or quiet. I guess if you're less uptight than me, you could drop your kids off in the nursery with all the other [germ-infested] kids and going to church would be like a 2-hour break.

That's something to keep me in mind for my future. I might drop these little buggers off and go home and take a nap. #FreeChildcare. Anyway, I digress.

As I was saying. I'm glad I sat in church all those years and I was able to recall those sermons because that message was for me this year, honey. I'm so happy to see 2017. I feel like my life is going to get easier (are toddlers easier than infants though? Maybe I played myself.)

I wish you so much love and peace and joy and contentment and happiness and prosperity and just calming of the mind in 2017. I wish the same for myself.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Can I Pro-Rate My Donation?

Dear Obama for America,

IF you could go back and make 16 weeks of maternity leave 100% paid in 2016, so that I didn't have to use my savings on living expenses while I was home with my children... Also, if you could address the high cost of healthcare, especially for someone who got hit with two bills for birth and double co-pays for everything the twins do, THEN I would have extra funds to donate to all of the ills of the world that you are in my inbox about DAILY.

- Marriage Equality
- Global Warming
- Keeping Democrats in Office
- EVERY DAMN THING ELSE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME PERSONALLY

As soon as I get my prorated check, I'll hit y'all up with a donation.

*eye roll*

Thursday, December 22, 2016

The Resentment...

Y'all pray for me. I am SO angry that I have to work through the holidays AGAIN. Last year, I worked through the holiday (while big and pregnant) because I wanted to save up my days to be with my babies.

THIS YEAR, I'm working through the holidays because when you go on maternity leave your vacation and sick days are used up first. So two years with no holiday vacation.

And people who actually take breaks dump all their stuff on you, so it actually ends up being a VERY busy week. 

And I know people are like "but you had 16 weeks of paid vacation time for maternity."

First of all, all of that time wasn't paid. I wish people knew the facts before they spoke.  

And it was 16 weeks of torture with two little terrorists who didn't even damn smile for the first 6 months of their lives. They just shit all up and down their backs and mean mugged me.

It was not all inclusive drinks at a resort in Jamaica.

It was not peaceful.

It was not relaxing.

It was not stress free.

It was not fun.

It was meaningful and necessary, but a vacation, it was not. 

I saw someone say they think maternity leave is a relaxing break because the moms they've talked to catch up on Netflix & DVRed shows while they are home. Well, I cannot leave the house because there's two humans hanging from my tits at all times and I can barely walk because my vagina is ripped open, so I think watching a couple of episodes of House of Cards is ok, but it's wasn't a fucking vacation.

Maybe moms on maternity leave should be forced to stare at the walls blankly to prove to others that our maternity leaves are valid.

I digress.

Got damnit, I need a break.

And since my days roll over in 2017, I SHOULD have taken off the first week in January, but I didn't have the foresight. Most days I can't think past the weekend because, you know... twins.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

What?

I just saw a headline that says "mom defends her decision to spend $2K on 300 gifts for her gifts for Christmas." Um... how did anyone KNOW she bought 300 gifts and spent $2,000. You can do whatever the hell you please for your kids.

The #realissue is you bragging about it on social media. If mogs would just log off, no one would have to defend anything to anyone.

Those types of stories cook my grits.


Friday, December 2, 2016

Hey Girl Hey!

So I get like 20 views (AT MOST) of my blog every day. If pressed, I think I could tell you exactly who those 20 folks are.

But for the past month or so, my blog has been getting like 500 views a day. Hey new people! Who are you and where did you come from? Announce yourselves.

Also, if someone linked me to their blog and brought all new readers, can you let me know?

I'm sure there's a way to figure this out on the back end, but I don't want to spend that much time. This is a hobby for me and a release, not a business. I don't want to do too much "work" for it.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

That Took FOREVER!

I posted my work schedule, so you all know I don't have any free time during the week. And I've posted about my apprehension about leaving the house as a twin mom on the weekends. As such, getting things done takes FOREVER. I recently Tweeted on my public Twitter that being a mom makes me feel mediocre because from the time I have a thought to the time I complete an action is about three weeks.

Below I charted it out this one task in particular. Pre-babies, I could have gotten thi sdone in one day, or worse case scenario, one weekend. Now, it's more like a month or 5 weeks. It feels horrible to a Type A person like me.

10/22 - A friend in Chicago gave my mom a bag of winter clothes for my girls.
10/24 -  My mom ships the clothes to me
10/26 - I receive the clothes and realize there are too many cardigans, jackets and snow suits to fit in the babies' three Ikea drawers
10/30 - Find this on Pinterest as a way to store things in my small home.
10/30 - Buy the Ikea Lack shelf on Ikea.com
11/08 - Buy 25 hot pink velvet hangers for this shelf that is not up yet 
11/09 - Receive the Ikea Lack Shelf (Ikea shipping is slow as hell, but it beats trying to pack up twins and go to Ikea and/or paying someone to watch my kids, so I can go to Ikea)
11/10 - Receive hangers from Amazon 
11/12 - Order the Ikea rails from Amazon (Ikea doesn't make it anymore and it was hard to find for some reason. I probably also forgot that I needed the rails, once I had ordered the shelf.)
11/14 - Received the Ikea rails
11/18 - Borrow a drill from Paris (someone buy me a drill for Christmas, please)
11/20 - Attempt to put up this shelf and realize I need a studfinder AND a screw set. Ikea doesn't send the screws because "walls are different." I try to order a studfinder for pickup at Home Depot. They're all out, so I order a studfinder on Amazon (the one Home Depot said was most popular)
11/22 - Receive studfinder
11/25 - (Black Friday) - Attached the rails to the shelf, attempted to find a stud with our stud finder. Didn't find anything. 
11/26 - Asked building maintenance if they had a more expensive, more powerful stud finder. They said they would come up and take a look, then they said that's not really in their job description, so just hammer the wall. (We are not DIYers, we need an actual tool to find a stud) Broke down and got a handyman on Thumbtack.com
11/27 - The handyman told us that our walls are plaster. THAT would explain why the studfinder didn't work. Finally got this friggin shelf up! I'm so proud of it!!



Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Mama Bear

I am very much mama bear. I am protective of my chidren. I kind of take offense to the term over-protective. Like, it's my responsibility to love, feed and clothe them and keep them safe and comforted. How could I overdo that? Whatever.


So my rage comes out when I feel like someone has hurt my baby or is getting ready to hurt my baby. Unfortunately, that someone is usually the other baby. Go look at yesterday's post to see what they do, but these children could seriously injure each other if I left them too close together and turned my head.

And they move. They're not crawling yet, but they roll and scoot. So I could put them on opposite sides of the room and they'll still end up head to foot, kicking the crap out of each other. So I hear one baby wail out in anguish and I scoop her up, comfort her and then look at the other baby like "WHY would you do that to your sister?"

And then an hour later, it flip flops.

And my boyfriends like "she didn't mean it." And I'm like, I don't care, she hurt my baby. And it sucks to be mad at a 7 month old, but I'm a real person with real feelings and when you see a scratch on your baby's face and you know she didn't do it to herself, it's like witnessing child abuse. Wouldn't you be mad at a child abuser?

Twins will take you to another place. I just want to put Michelin Man suits on both of them to stop them from beating each other up.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Family Time

Building off of yesterday, I'm not going home for Christmas. I can't afford it financially and I can't deal with the stress of having two infants on a plane. I'm also concerned about their health comfort. Babies have schedules. My kids don't go to church. They don't go to daycare. They're not around a lot of folks all day. It's me, their dad, the nanny, Paris and anyone who flies in to see them (and if you live in Brookly, you may as well have flown in, LOL!)

So I know I am making the right decision to manage my anxiety and stress, but I am sad to be missing my first Christmas at home. Mostly, I'm concerned about the peer pressure. It's only a matter of time before people start asking my holiday plans. And I will have to fake smile and say "oh, we're just keeping it lowkey at home this year." OR...

I will be honest and say I can't handle the stress or financial burden of going home for the holidays, so we're making due with what we have.

Both answers give me hives. I don't want to be fake, but then I don't want people to feel sorry for me.

This is a big part of why I hate small talk. What does it matter what I'm doing for the holidays or how my weekend was (it was pretty boring btw, I went nowhere and did nothing, but at least I didn't have to work.) It's like, can we just talk about work and keep going.

When I was in Pittsburgh though, I did enjoy getting to know my coworkers better. They were SO friendly and things moved so slow. It was inevitable.

Anywho, I'm not coming home. I don't want to talk to everybody about it. I'm very sad about it and I'm going to try to choose to be happy about it, by making my baby's first Christmas special. (But then go back to yesterday's post and you'll know I don't know exactly HOW I'll make their first Christmas special and that too, stresses me out.)

I think it's clear that I need a break (that I'm not getting).

I don't have any days off work thanks to maternity leave. BUT, my mom is coming to visit, so that we can relieve our nanny during the holiday, so I definitely have something to look forward to.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Holiday Anxiety...

Someone in a Facebook group asked if we had anxiety about the holidays and this was my response. She then said she meant about spending time with family. Man, that's a whole nother blog posts. I quickly erased my long comment and decided to blog about it here instead. 

Thanksgiving really used to stress me out until I decided I don't have to play these reindeer games and just stopped going home for Thanksgiving. 

As an adult, Christmas has always stressed me out (This is well documented on the blog and you all have given me lots of tips to get over this stress). Before I had the girls, I was the rich, single daughter/auntie/cousin, so I put a lot of pressure on myself to give good gifts. Some years those were financed. So over the years as I paying down debt became more important to me, I started ONLY buying what was in my cash budget OR not buying anything at all. 

Last year, I was up to my ears in twin pregnancy medical bills, so I didn't buy anything, not even wrapping paper. I'd kept a bag of things throughout the year to re-gift. This year, I didn't get any gifts throughout the year (because I have kids so they got all the stuff), so I'm not buying anyone in my family anything (and that's not expected anymore, of course.) 

BUT, I haven't decided what I want my daughters' first Christmas to be like. I don't want to be scrooge, but at the same time, they won't remember it. I could 
  • wrap a whole lot of empty boxes and tell them we were ballin' on their first Christmas. 
  • Or wrap a whole lot of stuff they already have that I just haven't taken out of the packaging yet and let them open it. 
  • OR, I could go into debt making sure their first Christmas is picture perfect. They only get one "first" everything and I don't want to look back and think "mommy was so broke, she made you skip Christmas." 
I definitely am sick of the consumerism, but I'm only sick of it because I don't have the money. I think if I had ample funds, I'd be all about it. 

When I talk to family members they still ask "what did you get for Christmas?" and I'm in my thirties. I feel this pressure to come up with a long list of stuff although I don't get anything anymore because I'm an adult and I DAMN SURE won't get anything now that I have kids. 

If we could have all the peace and joy and cheer of the season and skip the gifts, I'd be all about it.

Anything stressing you out about the holidays? 

Thursday, November 24, 2016

I'm Sleeping Again

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for SLEEP! 

On the night of November 18, 2016, Lahna and Joy slept from 9:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. and they've continued to do it every nigh since. MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO GET BETTER! I had SO much more energy after sleeping through the night and NOT having to pump or nurse in the middle of the night. I wasn't dead dog tired when they took their daily naps. I washed and folded laundry in the same day. I washed and twisted my hair and washed bottles and was NOT a zombie doing it all.

Moreover, I was able to give them a better version of myself while they were awake.

They are also taking two long naps every day, so when I'm home on the weekends with them, I can get things done (that's how I'm writing this blog) for about 2 hours during the day. It feels great.

We had to sleep train them to get this to work. The hardest part was convincing my boyfriend that they will not starve or die if we let them cry in the middle of the night. After we got over that hump and a couple of torturous nights listen to them cry when they would have been getting a feeding and BOOM: babies sleep all night.

It SUCKS to hear your baby cry and not go get them. This is like the beginning of tough love. So many things that are good for the kids seem to hurt them, shots, getting their ears pierced, sleep training.

We probably won't spank them, but I can still use the black mama proverbs "This hurts me more than it hurts you" when it comes to all these other things.

Parenting requires some serious mental, physical and emotional muscle flexing.

I'm very proud to have hit this milestone with the twins!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Things Done Changed...

Disclaimer: After writing this post, it sort of a drag. I didn't mean it to be, but I try to speak my real and true experiences on this blog. If you want to be in good spirits before the holiday, maybe read this later. 

I never knew who I would be as a parent. You can't predict these things, but there are some serious surprises. A big part of it for me, is being a twin parent, and living in New York City. There are some real challenges with both of those things. Here are some things that surprised me about who I've become as a person, now that I'm also a mom.
  • I don't watch football anymore. The Bears are not on local TV. They SUCK! AND, the games are like 3 hours long. If I have three hours free, I'm going to probably sleep or do laundry. And having it on in the background while the twins holler and play with their loud music toys is not my idea of a fun Sunday. I thought I would become a Jets fan since I can see those games on NYC TV, but just gave up on football.  
  • I'm not interested in night life. Now, to be fair, I wasn't exactly hitting up the club every weekend before I got pregnant, especially not in New York. But, I did used to love a good happy hour and that sometimes turned into late night. I can't afford a night or weekend babysitter and if I did, I wouldn't want to use that time hanging out. I really thought I would have been a hang out type of mom. Nah.  
  • I'm not interested in drinking. I haven't drank since July of 2015. Drinking is a depressant and my life is hard. Not to mention, the idea of being drowsy and/or having a hangover with twins, make me want to pull my fingernails out. 
  • I don't travel outside of NYC. I see folks on planes with babies all the time, but I never got on a plane until I was 15. The idea of air travel with two infants gives me heart palpitations. If you want to see my kids in person, you need to come to New York. 
  • I don't go anywhere "in" NYC. I have friends who bundle their singletons (that's what multiple moms call it when you have one baby at a time)... they bundle their singletons up and go to brunch, shopping, other people's houses, long strolls in the park. There are so many reasons this isn't a good idea for me. My double stroller doesn't fit anywhere in NYC. I HATE taking the train with the double stroller. People act like you are the devil for having the NERVE to take up that much space on a crowded train. If we travel by cab, I can't take the double stroller because their car seats only fit into the Snap & Go and the snap and go does not handle well. I don't have any friends with kids near me. I know one couple in Brooklyn, not going all the way out there for a playdate. I know one girl with a baby my age. I've seen her out and about, traveling with her baby, etc. I'd feel weird having my two to her one in any place we go, so I just stay home. 
  • I've become low maintenance. I really thought I would have kept up brows, waxing, mani/pedis, hell, shopping to be a cute mom. I don't have any money for any of that stuff. I can barely afford diapers. Actually, honestly, I cannot afford diapers in my current budget with New York rent and a nanny. I put diapers and other essentials on a credit card. It is what it is. So yeah, no money for maintenance and no time. And when it comes to clothes, I have to have shirts where I can get to my boobs 3x a day to pump. So I just wear the same five button down shirts or cardigans in rotation with the same three pairs of jeans I own. (Seriously, where do jeans go? I'm guessing I threw a lot out because they were worn in the thighs or too small.) I'm kicking myself for throwing away too small clothes because nursing twins has me back down to high school weight. I vividly remember a pair of black pencil pants and camo skinny pants that gave me a muffin top when I threw them away, but that would be PERFECT now with my skinny, but loose mom body. 
  • I'm timid. If someone does something I don't like to my baby (touches their face, kisses them, tickles them), I don't say anything. I just remove my baby from the situation. (Welp, this visit is over). I think I've written about this before, but it's difficult for me to find a voice as a mom. This is probably a big contributing factor to why we don't go anywhere. I have a bit of control (and a list of rules posted) in my own home. Once we venture out, I don't know how to tell someone to stop without being a complete bitch about it, and I don't want to be labeled a bitch. It's something I'm working on because right now these things are just pet peeves, but imagine if my kids were in real danger. I'd like to say *hands on hips* hell naw, not me, but that spirit hasn't come up in real life. I'm just trying to survive. 
  • I'm bored as hell and I'm boring as hell. When I get pockets of time, I call people and they always freak out like "is everything ok?" because they know I don't have time to just shoot the shit. OR, they don't have free time, so I spend my little pockets of time catching up on reading about being a mom... If I had a night away from my kids, I wouldn't even know what to do. Probably go shopping for them in the store instead of online. I don't know what the new music is, or when it dropped. I don't know where the latest, hottest vacation spots are, I choose not to talk about politics. I can tell you about baby milestones (which I know are boring as hell to anyone who isn't the kids' mother). I can tell you about poop size, texture and color and eczema treatments. I could tell you the vaccination schedule for kids under 1. I'm just lame as hell now and I'm not sure that I care. "They say" if I don't get up and start doing things for myself, I may resent it... But I think twin mom exhaustion supercedes all "put yourself first rhetoric." I'll get out when I feel like getting out, but right now I'm posted. (I also think being in NYC contributes to this. I have a gang of girlfriends with kids 2 and under, but none of them live here, so yeah, this is me, in the house.) 

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

What I'm Reading These Days

So, if you send me something to fill out a sweepstakes to win free baby stuff, I'm DEFINITELY doing it. Maybe in the middle of the night while nursing the twins, maybe while I'm in the pump room at work, maybe when I should be in the bed sleeping, but I can use all the free stuff I can get, so I fill those things out. To get extra sweeps entries, you usually have to sign up for the newsletter of whoever is sponsoring the contest.

Now, my unsubscribe game is tight, but every once in a while there's a newsletter that I just can't unsubscribe from because the content is too good. Even if I only read the headlines because I don't have time to read the articles, I like to know what's hot in the streets, so I stay tuned. Here's a list of things that I'm reading right now.

General 

PureWow  - It was raining in NYC one day and they hit me with the "Best places to get a cozy coffee on a rainy NYC day." AND, AND 10 different types of cornbread. Listen. I'm hooked.

DNA Info Harlem - They really localize the news, which is great in a big city of neighborhoods like NYC.

Parenting Sites
Scary Mommy - A mom site that keeps it real
Red Tricycle NYC - Fun stuff to do in NYC. My babies aren't old enough to do anything yet, but keeping this for when they are.
Mommy Poppins - More fun stuff, but also lots of casting calls. Everyone always wants identical twins, which sucks. I don't have time to be taking babies to casting calls, but hey, if we can get some more streams of income, I'm all about this baby modeling life.

PopSugar Moms - All the goodness of PopSugar (urban life hacks and content), but for moms.

Fairygodboss - This site is dope.com. It's tips for working moms and again, serving it up to you, straight, no chaser. They also have job listings for places that are good for moms to work. LOVE! THIS! SITE!
Motherly - More mom stuff. Not stuffy at all.

Fatherly - I must've signed up for this when entering a contest. I stayed on the listserv because it's very interesting to see how parenting topics are marketing differently to women and men. I'm literally interested in every article on Fatherly, but no one would send a mom a note about Monster Trucks.

Stroller Traffic - They do a Friday round-up and it always has a giveaway. I feel like that is the perfect way to get my news. Don't be in my inbox every day with crap. Let me pick from all your stories when I'm ready to indulge. 

Branded Sites 

Pampers - Lots of good info here, although it's too branded, if you ask me. Sometimes you get diaper points for reading their articles, so I read them.

Tommee Tippy - I LOVE their parent profiles. This is how brands should be doing content.
WebMD Baby - I go to them through the app. Usually AFTER I've done something in the pampers app. Again, if it's not coming directly to my inbox or timelines, I'm not really into it.

I'm reading Bustle too, but surprisingly, I don't get any of their newsletters. I link to them through Facebook mostly.


And a shout out to Sassy Plum. It was recently started by a group of moms I know online (and some I know in real life) and I want to check it out, and maybe become a contributor. JUST signed up for email updates. That's the only way I'm going to read anything.

What are you reading these days?